Hogwarts Reads: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
by XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14
Summary: During Harry's 6th year, no Slughorn, Umbridge is still there for some reason *cough in love with Hagrid cough* (jk!) No Golden Trio, Hermione and Ron and pompous brats, Harry has new friends. Manipulative!Dumbledore, Sarcastic Intelligent Darkish!Harry, Funny!Dark Lord Voldemort, Snape's still our lovely Snape, and a blast fromt the past! Some OOC. Pairings are unknown.
1. Chapter 1

**So like I said with Ruthless, I've got writer's block with it, and I've been absolutely itching to do a 'Hogwarts Reads The Books' kind of thing. I have no beta for any of my stories, just me! So sorry for any mistakes! Love you all! XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

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**Hogwarts Reads: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets**

**XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

**Set up during Harry's sixth year, no Slughorn, Umbridge is still there for some unknown reason (cough cough *in love with Hagrid* cough cough... LOL JK) The Golden Trio is no more, and Harry has new friends, Ron and Hermione are pompous brats, and Snape is our lovely Snape we all know and love :)! In-the-wrong-direction!Dumbledore (means he is a little clueless at times), Sarcastic Intelligent**** Gray-ish!Harry, and funny!Dark Lord Voldemort! Also, a blast from the past!**

**I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA DO THIS AS A SLASH OR NOT! VOTE ON IT! CLICK THE BLUE REVIEW BUTTON AND TELL ME! WHO DO YOU WANT AS COUPLES?**

**I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!**

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'blahiedy blah blah'- speaking

**'gooble booble'- reading from the book**

**'_purple people_ _eater'-_ what i put in the book **not all of it though. some just italicized from the book.

'_la la la Elmo's world!'-_ Parseltounge

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Chapter 1: Umbridge's Announcement and Reading Chapter 1

The lovely Professor Umbridge was walking down the seventh floor corridor when she found a door that wasn't supposed to be there. Glee rushed through her stumpy, fat, toad-like body when she realized that it was the same room that Potter had used last year for Dumbledore's Army. Sticking her unpleasantly ugly face into the doorway, she saw a table with a stack of books on it.

Waddling (I would put hopping but I really didn't want to put that horrible mental image in all of your innocent heads of all that flab wiggling and jiggling around... *thinking about it*... *disgusted face*... sorry) quickly to the table, she read a note that was on top of the books.

_Dear Umbridge,_

_Here are 4 books about Harry Potter's life. They are 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets', 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban', Fire'Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire', and 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix'. You need to read these to everyone in the Great Hall! Also, bring the minister, Amelia Bones, Remus Lupin, the Weasley family, Sirius Black (we're taking care of that person), the Malfoy family, and we're bringing other people by portkey to the reading. Have fun!_

_A Friend,_

_A.S.P L.L.P J.S.P T.R.L_

**A/N: I know this isn't very original right now! Just bear with me for the moment :/**

Delighted that she was finally able to show the Wizarding World all of Potter's lies, she hurried to her office to make some floo calls and wait for the morning announcement.

The next morning while everyone was eating breakfast in the Great Hall, the door's burst open to let in a flow of confused people.

Umbridge stood up and cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "Hem hem... HEM hem... HEM HEM!" When no one paid her any attention, she drew out her wand and fired up red fireworks. The crowd went silent as she brought out four books, and looked at each other in puzzlement."I have found four books about Harry Potter, so we shall be reading them! There will be a few other people coming, so please be patient and wait quietly until they get here."

The second she had finished talking, a blast of white light encompassed the middle of the hall. When the light died down, people were shocked to see the supposedly dead mass murderer, Sirius Black, in a heap on the floor.

Shouts of fear and anger upon Sirius' appearance, and wands were drawn to stun him when Dumbledore bellowed over the noise, "Please be quiet! We shall have Mr. Black treated as a guest. Professor Umbridge said that other guests were coming, and so one of them has. We shall wait for the others to come now."

Sirius was helped up off the floor by Dumbledore and Remus, and placed on a chair at the Head Table.

It wasn't until three minutes later that another bigger, brighter, white light came again, that they heard many people hit the ground.

"Ouch, James! Get off of my-"

"Lupin! Get your foot out of-"

"Snape, shut up! Siri-"

"Severus could you please-"

The light was fading, and everyone was shocked to see younger versions of Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, and Lily Evans.

Lily was the first one up and turned to the shocked crowd. "Hi everybody! We, Severus, Remus, Sirius, James, and I, got letters about going to the future and reading some books? The letter also explained what happened after we're out of school and that James and I, as painful as it hurts to think about, are dead now. We read parts of the first book." Tears leaked down many people's faces. "So, I would like to be able to start reading if it isn't any problem?"

Once the everyone was comfortable at tables, Umbridge opened the first (well, second in the series but first one for them to read) book and started reading.

**Chapter One, The Worst Birthday**

**Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at number four, Privet Drive. Mr. Vernon Dursley had been woken in the early hours of the morning by a loud, hooting noise from his nephew Harry's room.**

**"Third time this week!" he roared across the table. "If you can't control that owl, it'll have to go!"**

**Harry tried, yet again, to explain.**

**"She's _bored,"_ he said, "She's used to flying around outside. If I could just let her out at night-"**

**"Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache. "I know what'll happen if that owl's let out."**

"What?" some people across the hall asked, looking at Harry.

**He exchanged dark looks with his wife, Petunia.**

**Harry tried to argue back but his words were drowned by a long, loud belch ***girls looked disgusted at this* **from the Dursleys' son, Dudley.**

**"I want more bacon."**

**"There's more in the frying pan, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia, turning misty eyes on her massive son. "We must build you up while we've got the chance... I don't like the sound of that school food..."**

**"Nonsense, Petunia, I never went hungry when _I_ was at Smeltings,"** **said Uncle Vernon heartily.**

"And that's why you're so fat and obese." Harry stated.

"Harry James Potter! Apologize right now for that horrible comment!" Hermione and Mrs. Weasley screeched at him immediately.

"No. He's as fat as he is tall, and it's not healthy being that huge! He should take every critique about his physical fitness personally. Maybe if he wasn't so obese, he'd mellow out some and we'd not get into so many fights!" Harry said darkly.

Umbridge was growing impatient with all the noise, so she began reading again.

**"Dudley gets enough, don't you, son?"**

**Dudley, who was so large that his bottom drooped over either side of the kitchen chair, grinned and turned to Harry.**

**"Pass the frying pan." **

**"You've forgotten the magic word," said Harry irritably.**

**The effect of this simple sentence on the rest of the family was incredible: Dudley gasped and fell off his chair with a crash ***some people snickered, while some looked confused at why Harry's family would have such a reaction to these words* **that shook the whole kitchen; Mrs. Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands over her mouth; Mr. Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples.**

**"I meant 'please'!" said Harry quickly. "I didn't mean-"**

**"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU," thundered his uncle, spraying spit over the table, "ABOUT SAYING THE 'M' WORD IN OUR HOUSE?"**

**"But I-"**

**"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN DUDLEY!" roared Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his fist.**

**"I just-"**

**"I WARNED YOU! I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!"**

"They hate magic, or anything that they don't think is 'normal'." Harry, Lily, and Severus (I'll say that the younger one by his first name, and the older one as Professor Snape).

**Harry stared from his purple-faced uncle to his pale aunt, who was trying to heave Dudley to his feet.**

**"All right," said Harry, "_all right..."_**

**Uncle Vernon sat back down, breathing like a winded rhinoceros and watching Harry closely out of the corners of his small, sharp eyes.**

**Ever since Harry had come home for the summer holidays, Uncle Vernon had been treating him _horribly. There were times where his uncle would just start yelling at him for no reason, slap him across the face, and walk away like nothing happened._**

**_They had always told Harry that he was worthless, a freak, not normal, _because Harry Potter _wasn't _a normal boy. As a matter of fact, he was as not normal as it possible to be.**

**Harry Potter was a wizard- a wizard fresh from his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And if the Dursleys were unhappy to have him back for the holidays, it was nothing to how Harry felt.**

**He missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomach-ache. **

"I know how that feels." murmured Severus.

**He missed the castle, with its secret passageways ***Fred and George looked at each other in humor* **and ghosts, his classes (_though he made it look as though he was just like other average student, he knew more about the subjects than a third year)_***people looked at him in shock. They had never thought that Harry Potter was smart! He only seemed to do as good as Ron* **the mail arriving by owl, eating banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in his four-poster bed in the tower dormitory, visiting the gamekeeper, Hagrid, ***Hagrid and Harry shared a smile* **in his cabin next to the Forbidden Forest in the grounds, and , especially, Quidditch, the most popular sport in the wizarding world ***the Quidditch fanatics went wild, and had to be silenced by Snape's glare* **(six tall goal posts, four flying balls, and fourteen players on broomsticks).**

**All Harry's spellbooks, his wand, robes, cauldron, and top-of-the-line Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs (_Harry's old bedroom)_**

"YOUR BEDROOM USED TO BE A CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS!?" Lily and McGonagall bellowed.

Everyone in the Hall had started whispering at the revelation that Harry Potter, in fact, did _not_ live a pampered life that they had all envisioned.

Severus Snape (the older one) was shattered on the inside. The boy of his worst enemy did not have relatives that waited hand-and-foot on him. Potter, he thought, lived like he did when he was growing up in Spinner's End. Feeling the beginnings of guilt building up inside of him, Snape pushed it to the side in his mind when he heard more screeching near him.

"YOU TOLD ME HE WAS SAFE! YOU PROMISED ME THAT HE WAS IN PERFECT HANDS! THAT THEY TREATED HIM WELL, NEARLY SPOILED THE BOY!" McGonagall yelled at the shrinking Headmaster.

"Professor McGonagall, he didn't know. He probably only checked up when I was still a baby, before they started treating me like a slave. I never told anyone about what happened in that household." Harry said calmly. "If you would, Professor, keep on reading please."

**by Uncle Vernon the instant Harry had come home. What did the Dursleys care if Harry lost his place on the House Quidditch team because he hadn't practiced all summer? What was it to the Dursleys fi Harry went back to school without any of his homework done? The Dursleys were what wizards called Muggles (not a drop of magical blood in their veins), and as far as they were concerned, having a wizard in the family was a matter of deepest shame.**

"Still the same old 'Tunie." Severus muttered to Lily. Lily nodded her head in deep thought, thinking about how she would have felt if it had been her sister that was magical, yet not herself.

**Uncle Vernon had even padlocked Harry's owl, Hedwig, inside her cage, ***The animal lovers look murderous at this.* **to stop her from carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world.**

**Harry looked nothing like the rest of the family.**

"I would hope so." Harry said loudly.

**Uncle Vernon was large and neckless, with an enormous black mustache; Aunt Petunia was horse-faced and bony; Dudley was blond, pink, and porky. ***Hagrid and Harry shared looks, and promptly fell into raucous laughter which puzzled everyone* **Harry, on the other hand, was small and skinny, with brilliant green eyes ***Lily looked fondly at Harry* **and jet-black hair that was always untidy _no matter how much he tried to get it to lay down and be organized_. ***James laughed and ran his fingers through his own untidy hair* **He wore round glasses, and on his forehead was a thin, lightning-shaped scar.**

**It was the scar that made Harry so particularly unusual, even for a wizard. This scar was the only hint of Harry's very mysterious past, of the reason he had been left on the Dursleys' doorstep eleven years before.**

There was absolute silence before... "ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFURIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE! YOU LEFT HIM ON A DOORSTEP! IN THE COLD NOVEMBER WINTER!" Poppy Pomfrey yelled.

"I could not have the Dursleys to say no and not take Harry in." Dumbledore replied meekly.

"And why the bloody hell not?" Poppy growled.

"Because of the blood wards." Harry answered.

"What?" many people asked.

"Blood wards. When my mother died protecting me, she used very ancient magic that only involved the most potent of feelings of love for a person to be activated. When she sacrificed herself to Voldemort," people flinched, but Harry ignored them. "she created blood wards where only the closest blood relation can keep them intact with the person who the blood wards are to protect." Everyone stared at Harry in awe of his knowledge of something forgotten. "I did my research thoroughly and to the full of my resources." Harry said, shrugging.

"So, you placed Potter on a doorstep in the middle of the night, during winter, to keep him protected." Severus stated. When Dumbledore nodded, Severus said, "That's messed up."

"As eloquently as my younger self put it, I agree. That is 'messed up'." Professor Snape said.

Harry sighed, but waved for Umbridge to continue reading.

**At the age of one year old, Harry had somehow survived a curse from the greatest Dark sorcerer of all time, Lord V-v-v-v You-Know-Who, whose name most witches and wizards still feared to speak. Harry's parentshad died in V-v You-Know-Who's attack, but Harry had escaped with his lightning scar, and somehow- nobody understood why- You-Know-Who's powers had been destroyed the instant he had failed to kill Harry.**

**So Harry had been brought up by his dead mother's sister and her _abusive_ husband. He had spent ten years with the Dursleys, never understanding why he kept making odd things happen without meaning to, believing the Dursleys' story that he had got his scar in the car crash that had killed his parents.**

"They. Told. Him. That. His. Parents. Died. In. A. Car crash." McGonagall said, not all that sane. "He did not know about magic, Albus!"

"It's ok Professor! Hagrid got me all caught up on my eleventh birthday when he gave me my Hogwart's letter." Harry said soothingly, smiling at Hagrid.

**And then, exactly a year ago, Hogwarts had written to Harry, and the whole story had come out. Harry had taken up his place at wizard school, where he and his scar were famous,_ which he hated, _but now the school year was over, and he was back with the Dursleys for the summer, back to being treated like a dog that had rolled in something smelly.**

**The Dursleys hadn't even remembered that today happened to be Harry's twelfth birthday. Of course, his hopes hadn't been high; they'd never given him a real present, let alone a cake- but to ignore it completely...**

"I wouldn't want anything from them anyways!" Harry said darkly. He was getting irritated by the pitying looks coming his way. For Merlin's sake! Snape was even looking at him with pity also! Growling softly in the back of his throat, he scooted away from the people he was sitting by to a more secluded part of the table.

**At that moment, Uncle Vernon cleared his throat importantly ***Fred and George tried doing this multiple times, amusing the people sitting near them*** and said, "Now, as we all know, today is a very important day."**

**Harry looked up, hardly daring to believe it.**

"I was _so _naïve when I was younger." Harry said, wincing slightly at the positive thoughts he had at the Dursley household.

**"This could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career," said Uncle Vernon.**

**Harry went back to his toast. _Of course, _he thought bitterly, _Uncle Vernon was talking about the stupid dinner party. _He'd been talking of nothing else for two weeks. Some rich builder and his wife were coming to dinner and Uncle Vernon was hoping to get a huge order from him (Uncle Vernon's company made drills).**

"What are drills?" many purebloods asked.

"Drills are a mechanical tool that muggles use to help them put holes in large and hard objects, like cement and stone, to help them build things." Lily said, answering their question.

**"I think we should run through the schedule one more time," said Uncle Vernon. "We should all be in position at eight o'clock. Petunia, you will be-?"**

"They plan their parties?" many Gryffindors muttered in disgust. They always had a party going in their common room and none of them were ever planned.

**"In the lounge," said Aunt Petunia promptly, "waiting to welcome them graciously to our home."**

**"Good, good. And Dudley?"**

**"I'll be waiting to open the door." Dudley put on a foul, simpering smile. "May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"**

People looked disgusted at the mental image of Dudley's face, but none other than Harry's face, which was turning a little green.

**"They'll _love _him!" cried Aunt Petunia rapturously.**

**"Excellent, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon. Then he rounded on Harry. "And _you?_"**

"I don't have a good feeling about this." Lily murmured to Severus. He nodded his head slowly, there was definitely something wrong with this family.

**"I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry tonelessly. **

Some people shuddered, they had heard Harry like that before, and it wasn't a very pleasant to listen to.

**"Exactly," Uncle Vernon nastily. "I will lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them drinks. At eight-fifteen-"**

**"I'll announce dinner," said Aunt Petunia.**

**"And, Dudley, you'll say-"**

**"May I take you through to the dining room, Mrs. Mason?" said Dudley, offering his fat arm to an invisible woman.**

**"My perfect little gentleman!" sniffed Aunt Petunia.**

**"And _you?_" said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry.**

**"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry dully.**

"T-That's just not right!" Neville whispered to himself.

**"Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compliments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas?"**

**"Vernon tells me you're a _wonderful_ golfer, Mr. Mason... _Do _tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason..."**

**"Perfect... Dudley?"**

**"How about- 'We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr. Mason, and _I _wrote about _you_.'"**

**This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under the table so they wouldn't see him laughing.**

Harry had no resistance now, and was rolling on the floor laughing with the Twins on either side of him.

"Did Dudley even know Mr. Mason before this?" Lily asked her amused son. Harry could only shake his head 'no' because he couldn't catch his breath.

**"And you, boy?"**

People saw Harry visibly flinch at the word 'boy'.

**Harry fought to keep his face straight as he emerged.**

**"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," he said.**

**"Too right, you will," said Uncle Vernon forcefully. "The Masons don't know anything about you and it's going to stay that way. When dinner's over, you take Mrs. Mason back to the lounge for coffee, Petunia, and I'll bring the subject around to drills. With any luck, I'll have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten. We'll be shopping for a vacation home in Majorca this time tomorrow."**

**Harry couldn't feel too excited about this. He didn't think the Dursleys would like him any better in Majorca than they did on Privet Drive.**

**"Right- I'm off into town to pick up the dinner jackets for Dudley and me. And _you_," he snarled at Harry. "You stay out of your aunt's way while she's cleaning."**

**Harry left through the back door. It was a brilliant, sunny day. He crossed the lawn, slumped down on the garden bench, and sang under his breath:**

**"Happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me..."**

**No cards, no presents, and he would be spending the evening pretending not to exist. **

"We'll plan you the best birthday party _ever_, Harry!" Luna yelled from the Ravenclaw table. Many people nodded their heads or mumbled under their breath what they should get him.

"You don't have to! Really! This was three years ago!" Harry exclaimed, blushing wildly.

Nobody paid him any attention.

**He gazed miserably into the hedge. He had never felt so lonely. More than anything else at Hogwarts, more even than playing Quidditch, Harry missed his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They, however, didn't seem to be missing him at all. Neither of them had written to him all summer, even though Ron had said he was going to ask Harry to come and stay.**

People muttered to their friends. Why was Potter's friends not talking to him?

**Countless times, Harry had been on the point of unlocking Hedwig's cage by magic and sending her to Ron and Hermione with a letter, but it wasn't worth the risk.**

Professor Snape sat their in shock. Potter knowingly _didn't _do something stupid?

**Underage wizards weren't allowed to use magic outside of school. Harry hadn't told the Dursleys this, he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking _him_ in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick.**

Everyone was silent as they processed what had just been read.

"Good thinking, Potter Jr." Severus said.

"That... is absolutely Slytherin of you, Mr. Potter." Professor Snape replied, shocked once again by this Gryffindor boy.

Harry shrugged when everyone looked at him. "I'll take that as a compliment."

**For the first couple of weeks back, Harry had enjoyed muttering nonsense words under his breath and watching Dudley tearing out of the room as fast as his fat legs would carry him. ***Everyone started laughing, while Fred and George were asking Harry why he wasn't as funny at school.*** But the long silence from Ron and Hermione had made Harry feel so cut from the magical world that even taunting Dudley had lost its appeal - and now Ron and Hermione had forgotten his birthday.**

**What wouldn't he give now for a message from Hogwarts? From any witch or wizard? He'd almost be glad of a sight of his arch-enemy, Draco Malfoy, just to be sure it hadn't all been a dream...**

"And I was just counting the days until I could see your wonderful face too, Potter." Malfoy snarked playfully.

Harry just smiled slightly at the blonde Slytherin.

**Not that his whole year at Hogwarts had been fun. At the very end of last term, Harry had come facce-to-face with none other than Lord Voldemort himself. ***People flinched at the name, but Umbridge was in shock that she had said the name.* **Voldemort** **might be a ruin of his former self, but he was still terrifying, still cunning, still determined to regain power. Harry had slipped through Voldemort's ***more flinching* **clutches for a second time, but it had been a narrow escape, and even now, weeks later, Harry kept waking in the night, drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort ***even more flinching. "You might as well get used to hearing the name, I say it a lot." Harry said loudly.* **was now, remembering his livid face, his wide, mad eyes-**

People shuddered, staring at Harry in horror. They never knew what had happened that changed from Slytherin winning to Gryffindor, but now that they knew, even the Slytherins had to give Potter credit at the escape.

**Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge - _and the hedge was staring back._**

People looked curiously at Harry now, wondering why weird things happened to him.

**Two enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves.**

**Harry jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.**

**"I know what day it is," sang Dudley, waddling toward him.**

**The huge eyes blinked and vanished.**

**"What?" said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been. ***The teachers nodded at this behavior. Like Alastor Moody always yelled, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"*

**"I know what day it is," Dudley repeated, coming right up to him.**

**"Well done," said Harry. "So you've finally learned the days of the week."**

The Great Hall shook with everyone's laughter! It took ten minutes to calm everyone down before Umbridge could start reading again.

**"Today's your _birthday_," sneered Dudley. "How come you haven't got any cards? Haven't you even got friends at that freak place?"**

Growls were heard throughout the Hall.

**"Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school," said Harry coolly.**

**Dudley hitched up his trousers, which were slipping down his fat bottom.**

**"Why're you staring at the hedge?" he asked suspiciously.**

**"I'm trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire," said Harry.**

**Dudley stumbled backward at once, a look of panic on his fat face.**

**"You c-can't - Dad told you you're not to do m-magic - he said he'll chuck you out of the house - and you haven't got anywhere else to go - you haven't got any _friends_ to take you-"**

**"_Jiggery pokery!"_ said Harry in a fierce voice. _"Hocus pocus - squiggly wiggly-"_**

Everyone was laughing, and Harry, Fred, and George were rolling around on the ground again, turning blue in the face from not being able to breathe.

**"MUUUUUUM!" howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back toward the house. "MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!"**

**Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun.**

Everyone stopped laughing. A tense feeling entered the room and some shivered from the intensity.

**As neither Dudley nor the hedge was in any way hurt, Aunt Petunia knew he hadn't really done magic, but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow to his head with the soapy frying pan.**

Harry's voice rang out in the dead silence, not even meaning to say it aloud. "I remember when she didn't miss."

"You mean to say that, that _woman _used to hit you over the head, as hard as she could, with a frying pan?" McGonagall hissed.

Harry looked startled for a moment, before he realized that he had said something out loud. "Yeah. She's done it dozens of times."

Umbridge took that time to start reading again, before anyone else interrupted her.

**Then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he'd finished,**

"And they STARVED YOU?!" Madam Pomfrey bellowed, angry beyond belief that someone would willingly starve a child.

Professor Snape winced, thinking that Potter's home life was just as bad as his was.

**While Dudley lolled around watching and eating ice cream, Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses, and repainted the garden bench. The sun blazed overhead, burning the back of his neck. Harry knew he shouldn't have risen to Dudley's bait, but Dudley had said the very thing Harry had been thinking himself... maybe he _didn't _have any friends at Hogwarts...**

_**Wish they could see famous Harry Potter now, **_**he thought savagely as he spread manure on the flower beds,, his back aching, sweat running down his face.**

Many people grimaced as they had thought that 'the Great Harry Potter' was spoiled and had everything he had ever wanted. Many had been jealous of Harry Potter, and had heard rumours of the glamorous life Potter had led.

Snape was feeling extremely guilty at how he had treated Potter, and promised himself that once the chapter was over he would apologize to Potter.

**It was half past seven in the evening when at last, exhausted, he heard Aunt Petunia calling him.**

**"Get in here! And walk on the newspaper!"**

**Harry moved gladly into the shade of the gleaming kitchen. On top of the fridge stood tonight's pudding: a huge mound of whipped cream and sugared violets. A loin of roast pork was sizzling in the oven.**

**"Eat quickly! The Masons will be here soon!" snapped Aunt Petunia, pointing to two slices of bread and a lump of cheese on the kitchen table.**

"They aren't giving you the proper amount of food in a day _and _withholding nutritious food! Dumbledore you better be ready for a hefty trial for Potter's guardianship, because you're going to be hit with as many child neglect and abuse charges as I can find, along with the Dursleys!" Madam Pomfrey screeched at the cowering Headmaster. "And Harry Potter, I'm making a list of all injuries and potions you're going to be needing once we finish reading!"

Both men nodded meekly, fearful of Pomfrey as she was releasing the Hospital Ward Dragon.

**She was already wearing a salmon-pink cocktail dress.**

**Harry washed his hands and bolted down his pitiful supper. The moment he had finished, Aunt Petunia whisked away his plate. "Upstairs! Hurry!"**

**As he passed the door to the living room, harry caught a glimpse of Uncle Vernon and Dudley in bow ties and dinner jackets. He had only just reached the upstairs landing when the doorbell rang and Uncle Vernon's furious face appeared at the foot of the stairs.**

**"Remember, boy - one sound-"**

Growls were heard throughout the Great Hall, sensing the underlying threat of something horrible waiting if the order wasn't obeyed.

**Harry crossed to his bedroom on tiptoe, slipped inside, closed the door, and turned to collapse on his bed.**

**The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it.**

"The chapter is done." Umbridge announced.

"Whats sitting on Potter's bed?" was the most heard question once the chapter was ended.

"Potter, you follow me to the Hospital Wing! Professor Snape, I want you to come with me so you know what potions I need made." Madam Pomfrey ordered at once.

Both men followed the furious martrich to the Hospital Wing, neither wanting to be within a fifty-mile radius of the woman.

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**So what do you think so far? **

**Who should Harry be going out with?**

**What should Umbridge do with the revelations that the book has brought forward?**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Love,**

**XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

**Ta!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Did you enjoy? This is my first 'Reading the books' Fic, and I get so annoyed when people start with the first book and then just stop. And most of what had happened in the first book is summarized in the second book, so I'm starting with the second book :) Sorry for the rant.**

**I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER! J.K. ROWLING DOES!**

**Ok, so here's another chapter :)**

**CrimsontheBloodyDemonKing: Thanks for the advice, I hope that won't happen to me, but you never know XP**

**917brat: I'll see how either of them will be with Harry as a boyfriend, I'd think Charlie. I don't want to make all the Weasleys be obnoxious prats; I'm thinking of having Ron, Ginny, and Molly, then the others be with Harry.**

* * *

Recap:

"The chapter is done." Umbridge announced.

"Whats sitting on Potter's bed?" was the most heard question once the chapter was ended.

"Potter, you follow me to the Hospital Wing! Professor Snape, I want you to come with me so you know what potions I need made." Madam Pomfrey ordered at once.

Both men followed the furious matriarch to the Hospital Wing, neither wanting to be within a fifty-mile radius of the woman.

Chapter 2: The Hospital Wing, Apologies, and Reading Chapter Two

Neither Professor Snape nor Harry said anything as they walked behind the steaming nurse.

Once at the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey had Harry lay down on his bed, and started casting tests on him. When the tests were done, Madam Pomfrey tapped a stack of parchment and a quill started zooming across the page.

It took fifteen tense minutes before the quill stopped writing down all of Harry's past injuries. Madam Pomfrey started reading through the list; concussions, severe bruising, severe malnutrition, dehydration, heat stroke, fractured ribs, and the list went on.

"Hadrian Jameson Potter, this is clearly abuse. I _will_ be taking them to court!" Madam Pomfrey snarled.

Harry, who had never seen Madam Pomfrey so furious, scooted away from her. He could never stand being near an angry voice, no matter who it was, without having a panic-attack of a sort.

Professor Snape had seen the movement, and turned to Madam Pomfrey saying, "Poppy, you need to calm down, you are scaring Harry." He handed her a Calming Potion, while picking up the parchments and skimming over the injuries.

"I have many potions down in my stores, and will get started on the more minor ones during our next break." Snape said, looking over at the tense man and calming nurse.

Both nodded in agreement, and they headed back to the Great Hall.

On the way back, Professor Snape stopped Harry while Madam Pomfrey kept walking.

"I would just like to apologize for everything that I have said and done to you all these years. I shouldn't have let my grudge against your father and godfather moved it onto you, someone I hadn't known personally. I was-" Professor Snape had said, looking at the ground in shame, when he was interrupted.

"Sir, I accept you're apology. You, nor no one else, had known and were not supposed to know, how I was treated. I was glad at some points at how you treated me, because you were the only one to stay constant and unchanging. Even though you were a bit harsher than I would have liked, you never stared at me in fear of turning into another Dark Lord, or gawked at me in awe as I walked down the corridors. So really, you don't have much to be sorry for. I should be the one sorry; getting you hurt and acting like a prat when I should have listened," Harry said softly, also staring at the floor.

"If you would not care, I would like to start over with a clean slate between the two of us. No more snarky comments or unfair treatments during classes. I will try my best with the other Gryffindors, but there are some that just annoy me to no end." Snape smirked lightly.

"I... I would like that, sir," Harry said, his lips curling into a slight smile.

**{0}{0}-{0}{0}**

"Ah, now we can get started with lunch!" Dumbledore smiled, clapping his hands and the food appeared.

"Harry, come sit with us!" Fred and George yelled, waving like madmen trying to get his attention. Harry chuckled lightly as he went over to the Troublesome Twins. Sitting with Fred and George were Neville, Luna, Lily, and Severus.

"Hey," Harry muttered to everyone. Piling food onto his plate, he dug in with the others, listening to the light chatter around him.

"Harry, was it really as bad as we think it was?" Neville asked gently, knowing the others had beening wanting an answer as bad as himself.

"Neville, if the Dursleys had been able to do magic, they'd be some of Voldemort's favorite Death Eaters," Harry said calmly, still eating his caesar salad and cheesy potato soup.

All six pairs of eyes widened at the information given.

"They liked to either make the pain swift and quick, or let it to go on for days; let that pain be physical, mental, or emotional. As long as I was miserable, they were happy." Harry said, shrugging his shoulders at the looks they were sending him.

Luckily, Dumbledore interrupted more questions when he announced that the next chapter was going to be read. McGonagall took the book and flipped to the second chapter.

**Chapter Two, Dobby's Warning**

**Harry managed not to shout out, but it was a close thing. The little creature on the bed had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls. Harry knew instantly that this was what had been watching him out of the garden hedge that morning.**

**As they stared at each other, Harry heard Dudley's voice from the hall.**

**"May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"**

**The creature slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of its long, thin nose touched the carpet. Harry noticed that it was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase, with rips for arm-and-leg holes.**

**"Er - hello," said Harry nervously.**

**"Harry Potter!" said the creature in a high-pitched voice Harry was sure would carry down the stairs. " So long had Dobby wanted to meet you, sir... Such an honor it is..."**

Dobby?, Draco thought to himself. One of our old house elves?

**"Th-thank you," said Harry, edging along the wall and sinking into his desk chair, next to Hedwig, who was asleep in her large cage. He wanted to ask, "What are you?" but thought it would sound too rude, so instead he said, "Who are you?"**

**"Dobby, sir. Just Dobby. Dobby the house-elf," said the creature.**

**"Oh - really?" said Harry. "Er - I don't want to be rude or anything, but - this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom."**

**Aunt Petunia's high, false laugh sounded from the living room. The elf hung his head.**

**"Not that I'm not pleased to meet you," said Harry quickly, "but, er, is there any particular reason you're here?"**

**"Oh, yes, sir," said Dobby earnestly. "Dobby had come to tell you, sir... it is difficult, sir... Dobby wonders where to begin..."**

"The beginning is always a good start," chuckled Dumbledore.

**"Sit down," said Harry politely, pointing at the bed.**

"Oh no, Harry!" nearly everyone in the Hall moaned.

**To his horror, the elf burst into tears - very noisy tears.**

_**"S-sit down!"**_** he wailed. _"Never... never ever..."_**

**Harry thought he heard the voices downstairs falter.**

**"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to offend you or anything-"**

**"Offend Dobby!" choked the elf. "Dobby has _never _been asked to sit down by a wizard - like an _equal_-"**

**Harry, trying to say "Shh!" and look comforting at the same time, ushered Dobby back onto the bed where he sat hiccoughing, looking like a large and very ugly doll. At last he managed to control himself, and sat with his great eyes on Harry in an expression of watery adoration.**

"Harry, you've got all kinds of people liking you!" Fred and George laughed, seeing Harry's uncomfortable look.

**"You can't have met many decent wizards," said Harry, trying to cheer him up.**

**Dobby shook his head. Then, without warning, he leapt up and started banging his head furiously on the window, shouting, "_Bad_ Dobby! _Bad _Dobby!"**

**"Don't - what are you doing?" Harry hissed, springing up and pulling Dobby back onto the bed - Hedwig had woken up with a particularly loud screech and was beating her wings wildly against the bars of her cage.**

"You need to be quiet! The Dursleys are going to hear you!" Severus, Lily, and Professor Snape hissed in slight fear of what was going to happen.

**"Dobby has to punish himself, sir," said the elf, who had gone slightly cross-eyed. "Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, sir..."**

** "Your family?"**

**"The wizard family Dobby serves, sir... Dobby is a house-elf - bound to serve one house and one family forever..."**

**"Do they know you're here?" asked Harry curiously.**

**Dobby shuddered.**

**"Oh, no, sir, no... Dobby will have to punish himself most grievously for coming to see you, sir. Dobby will have to shut his ears in the oven door for this. If they ever knew, sir-"**

"That poor house elf!" said a Hufflepuff first year. Nearly everyone in the Hall nodded their head in agreement. That house elf had a horrible family.

**"But won't they notice if you shut your ears in the oven door?"**

**"Dobby doubts it, sir. Dobby is always having to punish himself for something, sir. They lets Dobby get on with it, sir. Sometimes they reminds me to do extra punishments..."**

**"But why don't you leave? Escape?"**

**"A house-elf must be set free, sir. And the family will never set Dobby free... Dobby will serve the family until he dies, sir..."**

**Harry stared.**

**"And I thought I had it bad staying here for another four weeks," he said. "This makes the Dursleys sound almost human. Can't anyone help you? Can't I?"**

**Almost at once, Harry wished he hadn't spoken. Dobby dissolved again into wails of gratitude.**

**"Please," Harry whispered frantically, "please be quiet. If the Dursleys hear anything, if they know you're here-"**

Harry shuddered, and with a hollow laugh, says, "They don't know that he's there, but nothings ever easy for me."

People stared, horrified at the dead tone that Harry talked in.

**"Harry Potter asks if he can help Dobby... Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew..."**

**Harry,** **who was feeling distinctly hot in the face, said, "Whatever you've heard about my greatness is a load of rubbish. I'm not even top of my year at Hogwarts; that's Hermione, she-"**

**But he stopped quickly, because thinking about Hermione was painful.**

"Isn't anymore." Harry muttered to himself.

**"Harry Potter is humble and modest," said Dobby reverently, his orb-like eyes aglow. "Harry Potter speaks not of his triumph over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-"**

**"Voldemort?" said Harry.**

**Dobby clapped his hands over his bat ears and moaned, "Ah, speak not the name, sir! Speak not the name!"**

**"Sorry," said Harry quickly. "I know lots of people don't like it. My friend Ron-"**

**He stopped again. Thinking about Ron was painful, too.**

"He's even easier to talk about." Harry muttered just as bitterly as before.

**Dobby leaned toward Harry, his eyes wide as headlights.**

**"Dobby heard tell," he said hoarsely, "that Harry Potter met the Dark Lord for a second time just weeks ago... that Harry Potter escaped _yet again_ ."**

**Harry nodded and Dobby's eyes suddenly shone with tears.**

**"Ah, sir," he gasped, dabbing his face with a corner of the grubby pillowcase he was wearing. "Harry Potter is valiant and bold! He has braved so many dangers already! But Dobby has come to protect Harry Potter, to warn him, even if he does have to shut his ears in the oven door later... _Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts_ ."**

"WHAT?!" almost everyone yelled, talking at once.

It took five minutes for everyone to calm down again to start reading more.

**There was a silence broken only by the chink of knives and forks from downstairs and the distant rumble of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

**"W-what?" Harry stammered. "But I've got to go back - term starts on September first. It's all that's keeping me going. You don't know what it's like here. I don't belong here. I _belong_ in your world - at Hogwarts."**

**"No, no, no," squeaked Dobby, shaking his head so hard his ears flapped. "Harry Potter must stay where he is safe. He is too great, too good, to lose. If Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts, he will be in mortal danger."**

"But I am every year," Harry stated loudly. "Theres not one year so far that I'm safe or relaxed."

**"Why?" said Harry in surprise.**

**"There is a plot, Harry Potter. A plot to make most terrible things happen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year," whispered Dobby, suddenly trembling all over. "Dobby has known it for months, sir. Harry Potter must not put himself in peril. He is too important, sir!"**

**"What terrible things?" said Harry at once. "Who's plotting them?"**

**Dobby made a funny choking noise and then banged his head frantically against the wall.**

**"All right!" cried Harry, grabbing the elf's arm to stop him. "You can't tell me. I understand. But why are you warning me?" A sudden, unpleasant thought struck him. "Hang on - this hasn't got anything to do with Vol- - sorry - with You-Know-Who, has it? You could just shake or nod," he added hastily as Dobby's head tilted worryingly close to the wall again.**

**Slowly, Dobby shook his head.**

**"Not - not _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named_ , sir-"**

**But Dobby's eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying to give Harry a hint. Harry, however, was completely lost.**

**"He hasn't got a brother, has he?"**

People busted out laughing at Harry's unintentional humorous question, while others looked on in horror at the thought of another Dark Lord. The war still would be raging on if there had been two Voldemorts!

**Dobby shook his head, his eyes wider than ever.**

**"Well then, I can't think who else would have a chance of making horrible things happen at Hogwarts," said Harry. "I mean, there's Dumbledore, for one thing - you know who Dumbledore is, don't you?"**

**Dobby bowed his head.**

**"Albus Dumbledore is the greatest headmaster Hogwarts has ever had. Dobby knows it, sir. Dobby has heard Dumbledore's powers rival those of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the height of his strength. But, sir" - Dobby's voice dropped to an urgent whisper - "there are powers Dumbledore doesn't... powers no decent wizard..."**

**And before Harry could stop him, Dobby bounded off the bed, seized Harry's desk lamp, and started beating himself around the head with earsplitting yelps.**

"No, Dobby! Stop making noise!" some shouted, really getting into the book.

**A sudden silence fell downstairs. Two seconds later Harry, heart thudding madly, heard Uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, "Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!"**

"Hide!" yelled the same people, not noticing that they were getting snickered at.

**"Quick! In the closet!" hissed Harry, stuffing Dobby in, shutting the door, and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned.**

**"What - the - devil - are - you - doing?" said Uncle Vernon through gritted teeth, his face horribly close to Harry's. "You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke... One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!"**

**_With a quick slap across Harry's face_, he stomped flat-footed from the room.**

There was silence through the Great Hall as the thought of the Boy-Who-Lived getting hit by his family.

"If the book is as detailed as I think it is, there are things worse to come." Harry said loudly for everyone to hear.

There was not one face that didn't hold pity, horror, anger, or look green at the prospect of listening as Harry was abused.

**Shaking, Harry let Dobby out of the closet.**

**"See what it's like here?" he said. "See why I've got to go back to Hogwarts? It's the only place I've got - well, I think I've got friends."**

**"Friends who don't even write to Harry Potter?" said Dobby slyly.**

"How does he know that?" a Ravenclaw asked to no one in particular.

**"I expect they've just been - wait a minute," said Harry, frowning. "How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?"**

**Dobby shuffled his feet.**

**"Harry Potter mustn't be angry with Dobby. Dobby did it for the best-"**

"Dobby's been stopping them!"Collin Creevey said excitedly.

**"Have you been stopping my letters? "**

**"Dobby has them here, sir," said the elf. Stepping nimbly out of Harry's reach, he pulled a thick wad of envelopes from the inside of the pillowcase he was wearing. Harry could make out Hermione's neat writing, Ron's untidy scrawl, and even a scribble that looked as though it was from the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid.**

**Dobby blinked anxiously up at Harry.**

**"Harry Potter mustn't be angry... Dobby hoped... if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him... Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir..."**

**Harry wasn't listening. He made a grab for the letters, but Dobby jumped out of reach.**

**"Harry Potter will have them, sir, if he gives Dobby his word that he will not return to Hogwarts. Ah, sir, this is a danger you must not face! Say you won't go back, sir!"**

**"No," said Harry angrily. "Give me my friends' letters!"**

**"Then Harry Potter leaves Dobby no choice," said the elf sadly.**

**Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open, and sprinted down the stairs.**

"Noooooo!" many people yelled out, still caught up in the story or having a feeling that something bad was going to happen.

**Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound. He jumped the last six steps, landing catlike on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying, "... tell Petunia that very funny story about those American plumbers, Mr. Mason. She's been dying to hear..."**

**Harry ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear.**

**Aunt Petunia's masterpiece of a pudding, the mountain of cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling. On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby.**

**"No," croaked Harry. "Please... they'll kill me..."**

"They better not even touch you!" McGonagall yelled, her face turning red in anger. She sharply turned to Dumbledore and yelled, "YOU TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD BE SAFE THERE, BUT HE FEELS THAT THEY WOULD KILL HIM FOR SOMETHING NOT IN HIS CONTROL! HE IS NOT STAYING THERE ANY LONGER!"

**"Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school-"**

**"Dobby... please..."**

**"Say it, sir-"**

**"I can't-"**

**Dobby gave him a tragic look.**

**"Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good."**

**The pudding fell to the floor with a heart-stopping crash. Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered. With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished.**

**There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunia's pudding.**

**At first, it looked as though Uncle Vernon would manage to gloss the whole thing over. ("Just our nephew -very disturbed - meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs...") He shooed the shocked Masons back into the dining room, promised Harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the Masons had left, and handed him a mop. Aunt Petunia dug some ice cream out of the freezer and Harry, still shaking, started scrubbing the kitchen clean.**

"He's threatening to physically harm Potter!" Professor Sprout whispered angrily to Flitwick.

**Uncle Vernon might still have been able to make his deal - if it hadn't been for the owl.**

**Aunt Petunia was just passing around a box of after-dinner mints when a huge barn owl swooped through the dining room window, dropped a letter on Mrs. Mason's head, and swooped out again. Mrs. Mason screamed like a banshee and ran from the house shouting about lunatics. Mr. Mason stayed just long enough to tell the Dursleys that his wife was mortally afraid of birds of all shapes and sizes, and to ask whether this was their idea of a joke.**

**Harry stood _shaking_ in the kitchen, clutching the mop for support, as Uncle Vernon advanced on him, a demonic glint in his tiny eyes.**

**"Read it!" he hissed evilly, brandishing the letter the owl had delivered. "Go on - read it!"**

**Harry took it. It did not contain birthday greetings.**

**Dear Mr. Potter,**

**We have received intelligence that a Hover Charm was used at your place of residence this evening at twelve minutes past nine.**

**As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school. (Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, Paragraph C).**

**We would also ask you to remember that any magical activity that risks notice by members of the non magical community (Muggles) is a serious offense under section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks'Statute of Secrecy.**

**Enjoy your holidays!**

**Yours sincerely,**

**Mafalda Hopkirk**

**IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE**

**Ministry of Magic**

**Harry looked up from the letter and gulped.**

**"You didn't tell us you weren't allowed to use magic outside school," said Uncle Vernon, a mad gleam dancing in his eyes. "Forgot to mention it... Slipped your mind, I daresay..."**

"He sounds almost as insane as Black!" a fourth year Slytherin whispered to his friend, who nodded.

**He was bearing down on Harry like a great bulldog, all his teeth bared. "Well, I've got news for you, boy... I'm locking you up... You're never going back to that school... never... and if you try and magic yourself out - they'll expel you!"**

Many people shuddered at the image of Dursley getting in their face like that**.**

**And laughing like a maniac, he dragged Harry back upstairs _by his hair, ignoring the whimpers of pain that his nephew was making_. **

Growls were heard throughout the Hall again.

**Uncle Vernon was as bad as his word. **

"He didn't..." McGonagall whispered, staring at Harry in fear of the answer.

Harry nodded his head, holding himself in a self-comforting hug. Fred, George, and Neville wrapped their arms around Harry (Fred and George on either side of him, while Neville sat on the floor in front of Harry and hugged Harry around his stomach) and Lily and Severus sat on the floor, each grabbing one of Harry's hands in comfort.

**The following morning, he paid a man to fit bars on Harry's window. He himself fitted a cat-flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day. They let Harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening. Otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock.**

**Three days later, the Dursleys were showing no sign of relenting, and Harry couldn't see any way out of his situation. He lay on his bed watching the sun sinking behind the bars on the window and wondered miserably what was going to happen to him.**

**What was the good of magicking himself out of his room if Hogwarts would expel him for doing it? Yet life at Privet Drive had reached an all-time low. Now that the Dursleys knew they weren't going to wake up as fruit bats, he had lost his only weapon. Dobby might have saved Harry from horrible happenings at Hogwarts, but the way things were going, he'd probably starve to death anyway. **

There were tears streaming down faces as the full extent of what Harry had to go through all these years. All of the abuse and neglect, and nobody had ever checked up on him to see if he was truly ok. Only thinking of how spoiled he must be now, never thinking of what could have happened if the Dursleys hadn't wanted Harry...

**The cat-flap rattled and Aunt Petunias hand appeared, pushing a bowl of canned soup into the room. Harry, whose insides were aching with hunger, jumped off his bed and seized it. The soup was stone-cold, but he drank half of it in one gulp. Then he crossed the room to Hedwig's cage and tipped the soggy vegetables at the bottom of the bowl into her empty food tray. She ruffled her feathers and gave him a look of deep disgust. **

"Hedwig sure does have some attitude!" George tried to joke, only getting a small smile out of Harry.

**"It's no good turning your beak up at it - that's all we've got," said Harry grimly.**

**He put the empty bowl back on the floor next to the cat-flap and lay back down on the bed, somehow even hungrier than he had been before the soup.**

**Supposing he was still alive in another four weeks, hat would happen if he didn't turn up at Hogwarts? Would someone be sent to see why he hadn't come back? Would they be able to make the Dursleys let him go?**

**The room was growing dark. Exhausted, stomach rumbling, mind spinning over the same unanswerable questions, Harry fell into an uneasy sleep.**

**He dreamed that he was on show in a zoo, with a card reading UNDERAGE WIZARD attached to his cage. People goggled through the bars at him as he lay, starving and weak, on a bed of straw. He saw Dobby's face in the crowd and shouted out, asking for help, but Dobby called, "Harry Potter is safe there, sir!" and vanished. Then the Dursleys appeared and Dudley rattled the bars of the cage, laughing at him. **

"You sure do have some weird nightmares, Harry," Luna said dreamily.

Harry barked out a harsh laugh. "You should hear of some of the nightmares I have now."

**"Stop it," Harry muttered as the rattling pounded in his sore head. "Leave me alone... cut it out... I'm trying to sleep..."**

**He opened his eyes. Moonlight was shining through the bars on the window. And someone was goggling through the bars at him: a freckle-faced, red-haired, long-nosed someone. **

"That's the end of the chapter," McGonagall said faintly.

* * *

**What do you think?**

**Reactions?**

**Please Review!**

**Love,**

**XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

**Ta!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoying it?**

**I've had a few questions and I'll clear them up now.**

**Rampaging crabs: I will set up a slash warning when I figure out who I will be placing Harry with, if he starts a relationship. Thanks**

**917brat: Thanks! You will be finding out why the Golden Trio aren't together anymore soon. Promise :) Older Padfoot won't be there till third book, sorry. And the rest of the Weasleys are there, they're just really quiet (for once lol). I had Mrs. Weasley talk slightly in the first chapter.**

**physicssquid: Well, nobody had known that Harry was abused before, so there might be quite a few remarks about it. And Harry cowering is something that would happen if he were actually abused. From the Dursley's physical abuse and all the screaming they do at him, it's going to leave some kind of impression on Harry. Sorry if it isn't to your liking**

**CrimsontheBloodyDemonKing: Yes, Hermione will be apart of the bashing.**

**Ok, on with the story!**

**You know what to do, review and stuff!**

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Recap:

"You sure do have some weird nightmares, Harry," Luna said dreamily.

Harry barked out a harsh laugh. "You should hear of some of the nightmares I have now."

**"Stop it," Harry muttered as the rattling pounded in his sore head. "Leave me alone... cut it out... I'm trying to sleep..."**

**He opened his eyes. Moonlight was shining through the bars on the window. And someone was goggling through the bars at him: a freckle-faced, red-haired, long-nosed someone. **

"That's the end of the chapter," McGonagall said faintly.

Chapter 3: The Reading of Chapter Three

"I shall read!" Pomona stated immediately. Minerva passed the book over to her colleague, and Pomona started the next chapter.

**Chapter Three, The Burrow**

**"Ron." breathed Harry, creeping to the window and pushing it up so they could talk through the bars. "Ron, how did you -? What the -?"**

**Harry's mouth fell open as the full impact of what he was seeing hit him. Ron was leaning out of the back window of an old turquoise car, which was parked in midair. Grinning at Harry from the front seats were Fred and George, Ron's elder twin brothers.**

"Wow!" was heard throughout the Great Hall, while the Twins stood up and bowed to their adoring and amused crowd.

**"All right, Harry?" asked George.**

**"What's been going on?" said Ron. "Why haven't you been answering my letters? I've asked you to stay about twelve times, and then Dad came home and said you'd got an official warning for using magic in front of Muggles-"**

"How does he know?" a fourth year Ravenclaw asked her friend, who just shrugged, not knowing the answer.

**"It wasn't me - and how did he know?"**

**"He works for the Ministry," said Ron. "You know we're not supposed to do spells outside school-"**

"Oh," the same Ravenclaw said.

**"You should talk," said Harry, staring at the floating car.**

**"Oh, this doesn't count," said Ron. "We're only borrowing this. It's Dad's, we didn't enchant it. But doing magic in front of those Muggles you live with-"**

**"I told you, I didn't - but it'll take too long to explain now - look, can you tell them at Hogwarts that the Dursleys have locked me up and won't let me come back, and obviously I can't magic myself out, because the Ministry'll think that's the second spell I've done in three days, so-"**

**"Stop gibbering," said Ron. "We've come to take you home with us."**

**"But you can't magic me out either-"**

**"We don't need to," said Ron, jerking his head toward the front seat and grinning. "You forget who I've got with me."**

The Twins stood up to the applause, bowing jauntily before sitting back down to a chuckling group of friends.

**"Tie that around the bars," said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry.**

**"If the Dursleys wake up, I'm dead," said Harry as he tied the rope tightly around a bar and Fred revved up the car.**

"You weren't joking then," Fred said dangerously. George sat stony-faced next to Harry, hugging the younger boy to his chest protectively.

**"Don't worry," said Fred, "and stand back."**

**Harry moved back into the shadows next to Hedwig, who seemed to have realized how important this was and kept still and silent.**

"She's so smart!" Lavender Brown squealed.

**The car revved louder and louder and suddenly, with a crunching noise, the bars were pulled clean out of the window as Fred drove straight up in the air. Harry ran back to the window to see the bars dangling a few feet above the ground. Panting, Ron hoisted them up into the car. Harry listened anxiously, but there was no sound from the Dursleys' bedroom.**

**When the bars were safely in the back seat with Ron, Fred reversed as close as possible to Harry's window.**

**"Get in," Ron said.**

**"But all my Hogwarts stuff - my wand - my broomstick-"**

**"Where is it?"**

**"Locked in the cupboard under the stairs, and I can't get out of this room-"**

**"No problem," said George from the front passenger seat. "Out of the way, Harry."**

**Fred and George climbed catlike** *Fred and George started making cat noises and meowing, much to everyone's amusement.* **through the window into Harry's room. You had to hand it to them, thought Harry, as George took an ordinary hairpin from his pocket and started to pick the lock.**

**"A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick," said Fred, "but we feel they're skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow."**

"Wow! You guys can pick locks!" Dennis Creevey said in awe. Many purebloods looked at the Twins in interest, wondering what other talents the two were holding. A few thought about what Muggles would do in a situation a wizard or witch would have to do...

**There was a small click and the door swung open.**

**"So - we'll get your trunk - you grab anything you need from your room and hand it out to Ron," whispered George.**

**"Watch out for the bottom stair - it creaks," Harry whispered back as the twins disappeared onto the dark landing.**

**Harry dashed around his room, collecting his things and passing them out of the window to Ron. Then he went to help Fred and George heave his trunk up the stairs. Harry heard Uncle Vernon cough.**

"Oh no!" Lily whispered. "Don't get caught!"

**At last, panting, they reached the landing, then carried the trunk through Harry's room to the open window. Fred climbed back into the car to pull with Ron, and Harry and George pushed from the bedroom side. Inch by inch, the trunk slid through the window.**

**Uncle Vernon coughed again.**

Some people started to get nervous, feeling that something bad were about to happen.

**"A bit more," panted Fred, who was pulling from inside the car. "One good push-"**

**Harry and George threw their shoulders against the trunk and it slid out of the window into the back seat of the car.**

**"Okay, let's go," George whispered.**

**But as Harry climbed onto the windowsill there came a sudden loud screech from behind him, followed immediately by the thunder of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

"You forgot Hedwig!" the animal-lovers moaned out in anger and exasperation. They could see about wanting to get out of that house, but forgetting your pet was near unforgivable!

**"THAT RUDDY OWL!"**

**"I've forgotten Hedwig!"**

**Harry tore back across the room as the landing light clicked on - he snatched up Hedwig's cage, dashed to the window, and passed it out to Ron. He was scrambling back onto the chest of drawers when Uncle Vernon hammered on the unlocked door - and it crashed open.**

"Dear Merlin's beard, does that boy not get a break from something bad happening to him?" McGonagall said to herself, while other professors who had heard her nodded their heads in agreement.

**For a split second, Uncle Vernon stood framed in the doorway; then he let out a bellow like an angry bull and dived at Harry, grabbing him by the ankle.**

"You let him go!" most of the Hall yelled.

**Ron, Fred, and George seized Harry's arms and pulled as hard as they could.**

**"Petunia!" roared Uncle Vernon. "He's getting away! HE'S GETTING AWAY!"**

**But the Weasleys gave a gigantic tug and Harry's leg slid out of Uncle Vernon's grasp - Harry was in the car - he'd slammed the door shut- **

"Yes!" you can guess who all yelled that.

**"Put your foot down, Fred!" yelled Ron, and the car shot suddenly toward the moon.**

**Harry couldn't believe it - he was free. He rolled down the window, the night air whipping his hair, and looked back at the shrinking rooftops of Privet Drive. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley were all hanging, dumbstruck, out of Harry's window.**

**"See you next summer!" Harry yelled.**

Many people laughed at Harry's comment, while others growled at the prospect of another summer with the Dursleys.

**The Weasleys roared with laughter and Harry settled back in his seat, grinning from ear to ear.**

**"Let Hedwig out," he told Ron. "She can fly behind us. She hasn't had a chance to stretch her wings for ages."**

**George handed the hairpin to Ron and, a moment later, Hedwig soared joyfully out of the window to glide alongside them like a ghost.**

**"So - what's the story, Harry?" said Ron impatiently. "What's been happening?"**

"Give the poor boy a minute!" Pomona said, interrupting the book with her scolding.

**Harry told them all about Dobby, the warning he'd given Harry and the fiasco of the violet pudding. There was a long, shocked silence when he had finished.**

**"Very fishy," said Fred finally.**

**"Definitely dodgy" agreed George. "So he wouldn't even tell you who's supposed to be plotting all this stuff?"**

**"I don't think he could," said Harry. "I told you, every time he got close to letting something slip, he started banging his head against the wall."**

**He saw Fred and George look at each other.**

**"What, you think he was lying to me?" said Harry.**

**"Well," said Fred, "put it this way - house-elves have got powerful magic of their own, but they can't usually use it without their master's permission. I reckon old Dobby was sent to stop you coming back to Hogwarts. Someone's idea of a joke. Can you think of anyone at school with a grudge against you?"**

**"Yes," said Harry and Ron together, instantly.**

**"Draco Malfoy," Harry explained. "He hates me."**

"The feeling is totally mutual," both Harry and Draco said at the same time, looking at each other with contempt.

**"Draco Malfoy?" said George, turning around. "Not Lucius Malfoy's son?"**

**"Must be, it's not a very common name, is it?" said Harry.**

"Thank Merlin for small mercies," a seventh year Gryffindor said.

**"I've heard Dad talking about him," said George. "He was a big supporter of You-Know-Who."**

**"And when You-Know-Who disappeared," said Fred, craning around to look at Harry, "Lucius Malfoy came back saying he'd never meant any of it. Load of dung - Dad reckons he was right in You- Know-Who's inner circle."**

**Harry had heard these rumors about Malfoy's family before, and they didn't surprise him at all. Malfoy made Dudley Dursley look like a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive boy...**

Some compared what Malfoy did to them, and then multiplied it by ten, thinkig that was enough to make Malfoy look like a good child, and they shuddered at the thought of what Dudley did to make Harry think that.

**"I don't know whether the Malfoys own a house-elf..." said Harry.**

**"Well, whoever owns him will be an old wizarding family, and they'll be rich," said Fred.**

**"Yeah, Mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing," said George. "But all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that; you wouldn't catch one in our house..."**

**Harry was silent. Judging by the fact that Draco Malfoy usually had the best of everything, his family was rolling in wizard gold; he could just see Malfoy strutting around a large manor house. Sending the family servant to stop Harry from going back to Hogwarts also sounded exactly like the sort of thing Malfoy would do. Had Harry been stupid to take Dobby seriously?**

"No," Harry answered his book-self.

**"I'm glad we came to get you, anyway," said Ron. "I was getting really worried when you didn't answer any of my letters. I thought it was Errol's fault at first-"**

**"Who's Errol?"**

**"Our owl. He's ancient. It wouldn't be the first time he'd collapsed on a delivery. So then I tried to borrow Hermes-"**

**"Who?"**

**"The owl Mum and Dad bought Percy when he was made prefect," said Fred from the front.**

**"But Percy wouldn't lend him to me," said Ron. "Said he needed him."**

**"Percy's been acting very oddly this summer," said George, frowning. "And he has been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room... I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge... You're driving too far west, Fred," he added, pointing at a compass on the dashboard. Fred twiddled the steering wheel.**

**"So, does your dad know you've got the car?" said Harry, guessing the answer.**

**"Er, no," said Ron, "he had to work tonight. Hopefully we'll be able to get it back in the garage without Mum noticing we flew it."**

"Like your mum wouldn't have checked up on you during the night," Harry mumbled to the Twins, making them smirk playfully.

**"What does your dad do at the Ministry of Magic, anyway?"**

**"He works in the most boring department," said Ron. "The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office."**

"The what?" the Muggleborns asked.

**"The what?"**

**"It's all to do with bewitching things that are Muggle-made, you know, in case they end up back in a Muggle shop or house. Like, last year, some old witch died and her tea set was sold to an antiques shop. This Muggle woman bought it, took it home, and tried to serve her friends tea in it. It was a nightmare - Dad was working overtime for weeks."**

**"What happened?"**

**"The teapot went berserk and squirted boiling tea all over the place and one man ended up in the hospital with the sugar tongs clamped to his nose. Dad was going frantic - it's only him and an old warlock called Perkins in the office - and they had to do Memory Charms and all sorts of stuff to cover it up-" **

The meaner Slytherins laughed at that, but quieted from the amount of glares being sent their way.

**"But your dad - this car-"**

**Fred laughed. "Yeah, Dad's crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed's full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he'd have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad." **

"Hmmm, I think I'm going to have to take Mr. Weasley shopping in the muggle world some time," Harry said thoughtfully.

**"That's the main road," said George, peering down through the windshield. "We'll be there in ten minutes... Just as well, it's getting light..."**

**A faint pinkish glow was visible along the horizon to the east.**

"That's because the Hinkydiddles are waking up," Luna said dreamily, ignoring the weird looks she was getting.

**Fred brought the car lower, and Harry saw a dark patchwork of fields and clumps of trees.**

**"We're a little way outside the village," said George. "Ottery St. Catchpole."**

**Lower and lower went the flying car. The edge of a brilliant red sun was now gleaming through the trees.**

**"Touchdown!" said Fred as, with a slight bump, they hit the ground. They had landed next to a tumbledown garage in a small yard, and Harry looked out for the first time at Ron's house.**

**It looked as though it had once been a large stone pigpen, but extra rooms had been added here and there until it was several stories high and so crooked it looked as though it were held up by magic (which Harry reminded himself, it probably was). Four or five chimneys were perched on top of the red roof. A lopsided sign stuck in the ground near the entrance read, THE BURROW . Around the front door lay a jumble of rubber boots and a very rusty cauldron. Several fat brown chickens were pecking their way around the yard.**

"What a dump! They deserve it, the blood traitors!" many Slytherins said, making crude comments about the Weasleys.

**"It's not much," said Ron.**

**"It's wonderful ," said Harry happily, thinking of Privet Drive.**

**They got out of the car.**

**"Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly," said Fred, "and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast Then, Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, Mum, look who turned up in the night!'and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car."**

**"Right," said Ron. "Come on, Harry, I sleep at the - at the top-"**

**Ron had gone a nasty greenish color, his eyes fixed on the house.**

"Uh oh," Lily said, wincing at the memory of Molly yelling at her once for something she didn't even do.

**The other three wheeled around.**

**Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman, it was remarkable how much she looked like a saber-toothed tiger.**

"Really?!" many students asked incredulously.

"Oh yeah," Harry, the Twins, Lily, Albus, McGonagall, and Professor Snape confirmed.

**"Ah , "said Fred.**

**"Oh, dear," said George.**

**Mrs. Weasley came to a halt in front of them, her hands on her hips, staring from one guilty face to the next. She was wearing a flowered apron with a wand sticking out of the pocket.**

**"So," she said.**

**"Morning, Mum," said George, in what he clearly thought was a jaunty, winning voice.**

Snickering was heard throughout the Hall.

**"Have you any idea how worried I've been?" said Mrs. Weasley in a deadly whisper.**

**"Sorry, Mum, but see, we had to-"**

**All three of Mrs. Weasley's sons were taller than she was, but they cowered as her rage broke over them.**

**"Beds empty! No note! Car gone - could have crashed - out of my mind with worry - did you care? - never, as long as I've lived - you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy -"**

**"Perfect Percy," muttered Fred.**

**"YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!" yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred's chest. "You could have died , you could have been seen , you could have lost your father his job-"**

"Oh wow," a Hufflepuff second year said.

**It seemed to go on for hours. Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away.**

**"I'm very pleased to see you, Harry, dear," she said. "Come in and have some breakfast."**

**She turned and walked back into the house and Harry, after a nervous glance at Ron, who nodded encouragingly, followed her.**

**The kitchen was small and rather cramped. There was a scrubbed wooden table and chairs in the middle, and Harry sat down on the edge of his seat, looking around. He had never been in a wizard house before.**

**The clock on the wall opposite him had only one hand and no numbers at all. Written around the edge were things like Time to make tea, Time to feed the chickens , and You're late . Books were stacked three deep on the mantelpiece, books with titles like Charm Your Own Cheese, Enchantment in Baking, and One Minute Feasts - It's Magic! And unless Harry's ears were deceiving him, the old radio next to the sink had just announced that coming up was "Witching Hour, with the popular singing sorceress, Celestina Warbeck."**

"That's a horrible song!" Parvati sniffed hotily.

**Mrs. Weasley was clattering around, cooking breakfast a little haphazardly, throwing dirty looks at her sons as she threw sausages into the frying pan. Every now and then she muttered things like "don't know what you were thinking of," and " never would have believed it."**

**"I don't blame you, dear," she assured Harry, tipping eight or nine sausages onto his plate. "Arthur and I have been worried about you, too. Just last night we were saying we'd come and get you ourselves if you hadn't written back to Ron by Friday. But really," (she was now adding three fried eggs to his plate) "flying an illegal car halfway across the country - anyone could have seen you-"**

**She flicked her wand casually at the dishes in the sink, which began to clean themselves, clinking gently in the background.**

**"It was cloudy , Mum!" said Fred.**

**"You keep your mouth closed while you're eating!" Mrs. Weasley snapped.**

**"They were starving him, Mum!" said George.**

"And you didn't believe them?" McGonagall exclaimed to the blushing Molly.

**"And you!" said Mrs. Weasley, but it was with a slightly softened expression that she started cutting Harry bread and buttering it for him.**

"What is he, a baby?" Neville grumbled to himself.

**At that moment there was a diversion in the form of a small, redheaded figure in a long nightdress, who appeared in the kitchen, gave a small squeal, and ran out again.**

The Hall filled with laughter at Ginny's entrance, though the Slytherins' was more jeering.

**"Ginny," said Ron in an undertone to Harry. "My sister. She's been talking about you all summer."**

**"Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry," Fred said with a grin, but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word. Nothing more was said until all four plates were clean, which took a surprisingly short time.**

"Boys just gobble it all down so fast, it's unhuman!" Lily said playfully, poking her finger at Severus' stomach.

Severus retaliated by tickling Lily's sides until she apologized.

Everyone stared at the two in shock, not believing that their hated (loved by Slytherin) used to act so childish. What had happened?

James' face was getting redder and redder by the second in anger that that Slimy Snake was touching _his _Evans!

**"Blimey, I'm tired," yawned Fred, setting down his knife and fork at last. "I think I'll go to bed and-"**

**"You will not," snapped Mrs. Weasley. "It's your own fault you've been up all night. You're going to de-gnome the garden for me; they're getting completely out of hand again-"**

**"Oh, Mum-"**

**"And you two," she said, glaring at Ron and Fred. "You can go up to bed, dear," she added to Harry. "You didn't ask them to fly that wretched car-"**

**But Harry, who felt wide awake, said quickly, "I'll help Ron. I've never seen a de-gnoming-"**

**"That's very sweet of you, dear, but it's dull work," said Mrs. Weasley. "Now, let's see what Lockhart's got to say on the subject-"**

Everyone who had had Lockhart as a teacher that year groaned in agony at the worthless man being mentioned.

**And she pulled a heavy book from the stack on the mantelpiece. George groaned.**

**"Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden-"**

**Harry looked at the cover of Mrs. Weasley's book. Written across it in fancy gold letters were the words Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests . There was a big photograph on the front of a very good-looking wizard with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes. As always in the wizarding world, the photograph was moving; the wizard, who Harry supposed was Gilderoy Lockhart, kept winking cheekily up at them all. Mrs. Weasley beamed down at him.**

Harry shivered saying, "That man unsettles me. The way he smiles is just so unnatural."

**"Oh, he is marvelous," she said. "He knows his household pests, all right, it's a wonderful book..."**

**"Mum fancies him," said Fred, in a very audible whisper.**

Molly blushed while people laughed at her.

**"Don't be so ridiculous, Fred," said Mrs. Weasley, her cheeks rather pink. "All right, if you think you know better than Lockhart, you can go and get on with it, and woe betide you if there's a single gnome in that garden when I come out to inspect it."**

**Yawning and grumbling, the Weasleys slouched outside with Harry behind them. The garden was large, and in Harry's eyes, exactly what a garden should be. The Dursleys wouldn't have liked it - there were plenty of weeds, and the grass needed cutting - but there were gnarled trees all around the walls, plants Harry had never seen spilling from every flower bed, and a big green pond full of frogs.**

There was more jeering from the Slytherins.

**"Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron they crossed the lawn.**

**"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods..."**

**There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered, and Ron straightened up. "This is a gnome," he said grimly.**

**"Gerroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.**

**It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles and turned it upside down.**

Everyone laughed at Harry's description of the gnome. They couldn't have said it better themselves.

**"This is what you have to do," he said. He raised the gnome above his head ("Gerroff me!") and started to swing it in great circles like a lasso. Seeing the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron added, "It doesn't hurt them -you've just got to make them really dizzy so they can't find their way back to the gnome holes."**

**He let go of the gnome's ankles: It flew twenty feet into the air and landed with a thud in the field over the hedge.**

**"Pitiful," said Fred. "I bet I can get mine beyond that stump."**

**Harry learned quickly not to feel too sorry for the gnomes. He decided just to drop the first one he caught over the hedge, but the gnome, sensing weakness, sank its razor-sharp teeth into Harry's finger and he had a hard job shaking it off - until-**

**"Wow, Harry - that must've been fifty feet..."**

"Wow!"

"You could've been a nice Chaser too!" McGonagall said surprised.

Harry shrugged. He was fine with being a Seeker.

**The air was soon thick with flying gnomes.**

**"See, they're not too bright," said George, seizing five or six gnomes at once. "The moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put."**

**Soon, the crowd of gnomes in the field started walking away in a straggling line, their little shoulders hunched.**

**"They'll be back," said Ron as they watched the gnomes disappear into the hedge on the other side of the field. "They love it here... Dad's too soft with them; he thinks they're funny..."**

**Just then, the front door slammed.**

**"He's back!" said George. "Dad's home!"**

Fred, George, and Harry cheered.

Suddenly, a white light flashed through the Hall and Arthur Weasley was laying on the ground.

"Dad!" and "Mr. Weasley!" was heard as the three boys rushed to help Arthur up.

"Oh my, where am I?" Arthur asked.

"You're at Hogwarts, Mr. Weasley. We're reading about my second year and you were mentioned and now you're here!" Harry explained excitedly, pulling Mr. Weasley over to sit where they had been.

**They hurried through the garden and back into the house.**

**Mr. Weasley was slumped in a kitchen chair with his glasses off and his eyes closed. He was a thin man, going bald, but the little hair he had was as red as any of his children's. He was wearing long green robes, which were dusty and travel-worn.**

Arthur chuckled at his description.

**"What a night," he mumbled, groping for the teapot as they all sat down around him. "Nine raids. Nine! And old Mundungus Fletcher tried to put a hex on me when I had my back turned..."**

"Ole Dung is a good business partner, but a horrible person otherwise," the Twins said wisely.

**Mr. Weasley took a long gulp of tea and sighed.**

**"Find anything, Dad?" said Fred eagerly.**

**"All I got were a few shrinking door keys and a biting kettle," yawned Mr. Weasley. "There was some pretty nasty stuff that wasn't my department, though. Mortlake was taken away for questioning about some extremely odd ferrets, but that's the Committee on Experimental Charms, thank goodness..."**

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny laughed loudly at the word 'ferret', thinking of Malfoy, who had gone red in the face.

**"Why would anyone bother making door keys shrink?" said George.**

**"Just Muggle-baiting," sighed Mr. Weasley. "Sell them a key that keeps shrinking to nothing so they can never find it when they need it... Of course, it's very hard to convict anyone because no Muggle would admit their key keeps shrinking - they'll insist they just keep losing it. Bless them, they'll go to any lengths to ignore magic, even if it's staring them in the face... But the things our lot have taken to enchanting, you wouldn't believe-"**

**"LIKE CARS, FOR INSTANCE?"**

"You're in for it now, Mr. Weasley!" Neville said happily, smiling at the older red-head.

**Mrs. Weasley had appeared, holding a long poker like a sword. Mr. Weasley's eyes jerked open. He stared guiltily at his wife.**

**"C-cars, Molly, dear?"**

**"Yes, Arthur, cars," said Mrs. Weasley, her eyes flashing. "Imagine a wizard buying a rusty old car and telling his wife all he wanted to do with it was take it apart to see how it worked, while really he was enchanting it to make it fly ."**

**Mr. Weasley blinked.**

**"Well, dear, I think you'll find that he would be quite within the law to do that, even if - er - he maybe would have done better to, um, tell his wife the truth... There's a loophole in the law, you'll find... As long as he wasn't intending to fly the car, the fact that the car could fly wouldn't-"**

**"Arthur Weasley, you made sure there was a loophole when you wrote that law!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "Just so you could carry on tinkering with all that Muggle rubbish in your shed! And for your information, Harry arrived this morning in the car you weren't intending to fly!"**

**"Harry?" said Mr. Weasley blankly. "Harry who?"**

People laughed at that. Only Arthur Weasley could wonder who Harry was, when Ron had probably told them all about Harry Potter being his best friend.

**He looked around, saw Harry, and jumped.**

**"Good lord, is it Harry Potter? Very pleased to meet you, Ron's told us so much about-"**

**"Your sons flew that car to Harry's house and back last night!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "What have you got to say about that, eh?"**

**"Did you really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Did it go all right? I - I mean," he faltered as sparks flew from Mrs. Weasley's eyes, "that - that was very wrong, boys - very wrong indeed..."**

There was even more laughter at Mr. Weasley, though the Slytherins were doing it meanly.

**"Let's leave them to it," Ron muttered to Harry as Mrs. Weasley swelled like a bullfrog. "Come on, I'll show you my bedroom."**

**They slipped out of the kitchen and down a narrow passageway to an uneven staircase, which wound its way, zigzagging up through the house. On the third landing, a door stood ajar. Harry just caught sight of a pair of bright brown eyes staring at him before it closed with a snap.**

**"Ginny," said Ron. "You don't know how weird it is for her to be this shy. She never shuts up normally-"**

People who knew Ginny Weasley snorted. That was the truest statement about her they had ever heard.

**They climbed two more flights until they reached a door with peeling paint and a small plaque on it, saying RONALD'S ROOM .**

**Harry stepped in, his head almost touching the sloping ceiling, and blinked. It was like walking into a furnace: Nearly everything in Ron's room seemed to be a violent shade of orange: the bedspread, the walls, even the ceiling. Then Harry realized that Ron had covered nearly every inch of the shabby wallpaper with posters of the same seven witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes, carrying broomsticks, and waving energetically.**

The Quidditch maniacs made faces at the mention of the orange-robed team, the Chudley Cannons.

**"Your Quidditch team?" said Harry.**

**"The Chudley Cannons," said Ron, pointing at the orange bedspread, which was emblazoned with two giant black C's and a speeding cannonball. "Ninth in the league."**

**Ron's school spellbooks were stacked untidily in a corner, next to a pile of comics that all seemed to feature The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle. Ron's magic wand was lying on top of a fish tank full of frog spawn on the windowsill, next to his fat gray rat, Scabbers, who was snoozing in a patch of sun.**

"Ewww," the girls said at the mention of frog spawn and the rat.

**Harry stepped over a pack of Self-Shuffling playing cards on the floor and looked out of the tiny window. In the field far below he could see a gang of gnomes sneaking one by one back through the Weasleys'hedge. Then he turned to look at Ron, who was watching him almost nervously, as though waiting for his opinion.**

**"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on the pipes and groaning..."**

**But Harry, grinning widely, said, "This is the best house I've ever been in."**

**Ron's ears went pink.**

"And that's the end of the chapter!" Pomona said loudly, putting the book down.

"We shall be having dinner and then off to bed. We'll read more tomorrow after breakfast," Dumbledore stated.

There were some cheers and then everyone dug in to the food that had arrived. Conversations and chattering were heard through the Hall as everyone laughed and talked like they usually did at dinner.

* * *

**How do you like it?**

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**Love, **

**XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

**Ta!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's another chapter!**

**917brat: Yes, Bill and Charlie won't come until they're mentioned. The older Remus and Sirius will have to wait until the third book too. The younger ones are there though, and I'm going to have a special scene with them ;) **

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Recap:

**But Harry, grinning widely, said, "This is the best house I've ever been in."**

**Ron's ears went pink.**

"And that's the end of the chapter!" Pomona said loudly, putting the book down.

"We shall be having dinner and then off to bed. We'll read more tomorrow after breakfast," Dumbledore stated.

There were some cheers and then everyone dug in to the food that had arrived. Conversations and chattering were heard through the Hall as everyone laughed and talked like they usually did at dinner.

Chapter 4: Night-time Conversations, A Fight, and Reading Chapter Four

After dinner, everyone went up to their common rooms. Everyone except ten students who were still talking in the Great Hall.

Harry, Luna, the Twins, Lily, Severus, and Neville were at the end of the Gryffindor table.

James, Sirius, and Remus were at the other end of the Gryffindor table.

"So, what did happen that made Hermione and Ron act like pricks and stop being friends with you?" Neville asked the silent Harry.

"I don't know," Harry said, shrugging his shoulders. "It was just after second year, he didn't act the same way around me anymore, and Hermione took his side over mine on that. Just because I let out a little dry humor and sarcasm doesn't mean I'm a bad person."

Fred and George looked at Harry funnily. If Harry had acted like that with them, they would've been more than happy to have him with them. They appreciated all kinds of personalities. Except when someone was being purposely mean, then they'd gone too far.

"Thats no reason for them to not be friends with you anymore," Severus said, furrowing his eyebrows together in confusion.

While they were having a slighty uncomfortable conversation down the table, the Mauraders were having a heated argument.

"I don't are what you're saying! Snivellous better stop touching _my _Evans or he's going to regret ever living!" James snarled at Remus.

"I'm with you James!" Sirius sneered. "The reason Lily's probably friends with Snivelly is because he's done Dark Magic on her!"

Remus just sighed. James and Sirius were being irrational in their thinking at the moment, but he just hoped it didn't turn out to come back bite them in the butt.

**.*.^.*.^.*.**

The next morning, everyone was bleary-eyed and yawning their way to the Great Hall. After a scrumptious breakfast, they were all ready to keep reading the book.

"I'll read!" Arthur said, waving his arms around like a maniac for the book. Some people chuckled at his enthusiasm, but settled down when Arthur began to read.

**Life at the Burrow was as different as possible from life on Privet Drive. The Dursleys liked everything neat and ordered; the Weasleys'house burst with the strange and unexpected. Harry got a shock the first time he looked in the mirror over the kitchen mantelpiece and it shouted, "Tuck your shirt in, scruffy!" The ghoul in the attic howled and dropped pipes whenever he felt things were getting too quiet, and small explosions from Fred and George's bedroom were considered perfectly normal. What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron's, however, wasn't the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul: It was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him.**

Girls sent Harry pitying looks, which he stopped by glaring at them.

**Mrs. Weasley fussed over the state of his socks and tried to force him to eat fourth helpings at every meal. Mr. Weasley liked Harry to sit next to him at the dinner table so that he could bombard him with questions about life with Muggles, asking him to explain how things like plugs and the postal service worked.**

Some Slytherins sneered at how simpleton a pure blood could be.

**"Fascinating." he would say as Harry talked him through using a telephone. "Ingenious , really, how many ways Muggles have found of getting along without magic."**

"Well they had to adapt to keep up with the demands and situations that came up. All they did was keep evolving and advancing their technology and knowledge of the world, and we have the last products today. Even now their still finding something new or making something better," Lily said to no one in particular.

**Harry heard from Hogwarts one sunny morning about a week after he had arrived at the Burrow. He and Ron went down to breakfast to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny already sitting at the kitchen table. The moment she saw Harry, Ginny accidentally knocked her porridge bowl to the floor with a loud clatter. Ginny seemed very prone to knocking things over whenever Harry entered a room. She dived under the table to retrieve the bowl and emerged with her face glowing like the setting sun. Pretending he hadn't noticed this, Harry sat down and took the toast Mrs. Weasley offered him.**

"Such a gentleman," Neville teased.

**"Letters from school," said Mr. Weasley, passing Harry and Ron identical envelopes of yellowish parchment, addressed in green ink. "Dumbledore already knows you're here, Harry - doesn't miss a trick, that man. You two've got them, too," he added, as Fred and George ambled in, still in their pajamas.**

**For a few minutes there was silence as they all read their letters. Harry's told him to catch the Hogwarts Express as usual from King's Cross station on September first. There was also a list of the new books he'd need for the coming year.**

**SECOND-YEAR STUDENTS WILL REQUIRE:**

**The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 by Miranda Goshawk**

**Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart**

Everyone who had Lockhart that year groaned, ignoring the confused looks from the younger years.

**Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**43 Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Wanderings with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Fred, who had finished his own list, peered over at Harry's.**

**"You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too!" he said. "The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan - bet it's a witch."**

"Nope. It's the git himself," Fred snarled.

**At this point, Fred caught his mother's eye and quickly busied himself with the marmalade.**

**"That lot won't come cheap," said George, with a quick look at his parents. "Lockhart's books are really expensive..."**

**"Well, we'll manage," said Mrs. Weasley, but she looked worried. "I expect we'll be able to pick up a lot of Ginny's things secondhand."**

**"Oh, are you starting at Hogwarts this year?" Harry asked Ginny.**

**She nodded, blushing to the roots of her flaming hair, and put her elbow in the butter dish.**

Some people laughed at Ginny's obvious crush on The-Boy-Who-Lived.

**Fortunately no one saw this except Harry, because just then Ron's elder brother Percy walked in. He was already dressed, his Hogwarts prefect badge pinned to his sweater vest.**

**"Morning, all," said Percy briskly. "Lovely day."**

**He sat down in the only remaining chair but leapt up again almost immediately, pulling from underneath him a molting, gray feather duster - at least, that was what Harry thought it was, until he saw that it was breathing.**

**"Errol!" said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing. " Finally - he's got Hermione's answer. I wrote to her saying we were going to try and rescue you from the Dursleys."**

**He carried Errol to a perch just inside the back door and tried to stand him on it, but Errol flopped straight off again so Ron lay him on the draining board instead, muttering, "Pathetic." Then he ripped open Hermione's letter and read it out loud:**

**"'Dear Ron, and Harry if you're there,**

**"'I hope everything went all right and that Harry is okay and that you didn't do anything illegal to get him out, Ron, because that would get Harry into trouble, too. I've been really worried and if Harry is all right, will you please let me know at once, but perhaps it would be better if you used a different owl because I think another delivery might finish your one off.**

**"I'm very busy with schoolwork, of course'- How can she be?" said Ron in horror. "We're on vacation! - and we're going to London next Wednesday to buy my new books. Why don't we meet in Diagon Alley?**

**"Let me know what's happening as soon as you can. Love from Hermione.'"**

**"Well, that fits in nicely, we can go and get all your things then, too," said Mrs. Weasley, starting to clear the table. "What're you all up to today?"**

**Harry, Ron, Fred, and George were planning to go up the hill to a small paddock the Weasleys owned. It was surrounded by trees that blocked it from view of the village below, meaning that they could practice Quidditch there, as long as they didn't fly too high.**

**They couldn't use real Quidditch balls, which would have been hard to explain if they had escaped and flown away over the village; instead they threw apples for one another to catch.**

"Would've been more fun if _someone_ would stop eating the apples while we're playing," George said lowly.

**They took turns riding Harry's Nimbus Two Thousand, which was easily the best broom; Ron's old Shooting Star was often outstripped by passing butterflies.**

**Five minutes later they were marching up the hill, broomsticks over their shoulders. They had asked Percy if he wanted to join them, but he had said he was busy. Harry had only seen Percy at mealtimes so far; he stayed shut in his room the rest of the time.**

**"Wish I knew what he was up to," said Fred, frowning. "He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did; twelve O.W.L.s and he hardly gloated at all."**

**"Ordinary Wizarding Levels," George explained, seeing Harry's puzzled look. "Bill got twelve, too. If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the shame."**

"There's nothing to be ashamed of by being Head Boy!" Molly screeched at the Twins, who just rolled their eyes and ignored her.

**Bill was the oldest Weasley brother. He and the next brother, Charlie, had already left Hogwarts. Harry had never met either of them, but knew that Charlie was in Romania studying dragons and Bill in Egypt working for the wizard's bank, Gringotts.**

"Cool," some people said in awe.

**"Dunno how Mum and Dad are going to afford all our school stuff this year," said George after a while. "Five sets of Lockhart books! And Ginny needs robes and a wand and everything..."**

**Harry said nothing. He felt a bit awkward. Stored in an underground vault at Gringotts in London was a small fortune that his parents had left him. Of course, it was only in the wizarding world that he had money; you couldn't use Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts in Muggle shops. He had never mentioned his Gringotts bank account to the Dursleys; he didn't think their horror of anything connected with magic would stretch to a large pile of gold.**

Girls cooed at Harry, who turned slightly red and turned to look at the doors, ignoring them at the moment.

Others were thinking how considerate Harry was being, while Ron, Ginny, and Molly were fuming at how poor the book was making them sound.

**Mrs. Weasley woke them all early the following Wednesday. After a quick half a dozen bacon sandwiches each, they pulled on their coats and Mrs. Weasley took a flowerpot off the kitchen mantelpiece and peered inside.**

**"We're running low, Arthur," she sighed. "We'll have to buy some more today... Ah well, guests first! After you, Harry dear!"**

**And she offered him the flowerpot.**

**Harry stared at them all watching him.**

**"W-what am I supposed to do?" he stammered.**

**"He's never traveled by Floo powder," said Ron suddenly. "Sorry, Harry, I forgot."**

"Well he was raised by muggles, so he wouldn't know about our transportation," Luna said dreamily.

**"Never?" said Mr. Weasley. "But how did you get to Diagon Alley to buy your school things last year?"**

**"I went on the Underground-"**

**"Really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Were there escapators ? How exactly-"**

"You mean escalators, Mr. Weasley," Harry said, chuckling.

**"Not now , Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Floo powder's a lot quicker, dear, but goodness me, if you've never used it before-"**

**"He'll be all right, Mum," said Fred. "Harry, watch us first."**

**He took a pinch of glittering powder out of the flowerpot, stepped up to the fire, and threw the powder into the flames.**

**With a roar, the fire turned emerald green and rose higher than Fred, who stepped right into it, shouted, "Diagon Alley!" and vanished.**

**"You must speak clearly, dear," Mrs. Weasley told Harry as George dipped his hand into the flowerpot. "And be sure to get out at the right grate..."**

**"The right what?" said Harry nervously as the fire roared and whipped George out of sight, too.**

**"Well, there are an awful lot of wizard fires to choose from, you know, but as long as you've spoken clearly-"**

**"He'll be fine, Molly, don't fuss," said Mr. Weasley, helping himself to Floo powder too.**

**"But, dear, if he got lost, how would we ever explain to his aunt and uncle?"**

**"They wouldn't mind," Harry reassured her. "Dudley would think it was a brilliant joke if I got lost up a chimney, don't worry about that-"**

**"Well... all right... you go after Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Now, when you get into the fire, say where you're going."**

**"And keep your elbows tucked in," Ron advised.**

**"And your eyes shut," said Mrs. Weasley. "The soot-"**

**"Don't fidget," said Ron. "Or you might well fall out of the wrong fireplace-"**

**"But don't panic and get out too early; wait until you see Fred and George."**

Professor Snape sighed heavily, "Your confusing the boy."

**Trying hard to bear all this in mind, Harry took a pinch of Floo powder and walked to the edge of the fire. He took a deep breath, scattered the powder into the flames, and stepped forward; the fire felt like a warm breeze; he opened his mouth and immediately swallowed a lot of hot ash.**

**"D-Dia-gon Alley," he coughed.**

**It felt as though he was being sucked down a giant drain. He seemed to be spinning very fast - the roaring in his ears was deafening - he tried to keep his eyes open but the whirl of green flames made him feel sick -something hard knocked his elbow and he tucked it in tightly, still spinning and spinning - now it felt as though cold hands were slapping his face - squinting through his glasses he saw a blurred stream of fireplaces and snatched glimpses of the rooms beyond - his bacon sandwiches were churning inside him - he closed his eyes again wishing it would stop, and then...**

**He fell, face forward, onto cold stone and felt the bridge of his glasses snap.**

There were winces at Harry's lack of luck.

**Dizzy and bruised, covered in soot, he got gingerly to his feet, holding his broken glasses up to his eyes. He was quite alone, but where he was, he had no idea. All he could tell was that he was standing in the stone fireplace of what looked like a large, dimly lit wizard's shop - but nothing in here was ever likely to be on a Hogwarts school list.**

"Where did he come out at?" McGonagall asked worriedly.

**A glass case nearby held a withered hand on a cushion, a bloodstained pack of cards, and a staring glass eye. Evil-looking masks stared down from the walls, an assortment of human bones lay upon the counter, and rusty, spiked instruments hung from the ceiling. Even worse, the dark, narrow street Harry could see through the dusty shop window was definitely not Diagon Alley.**

"That doesn't sound very nice," Luna replied in an offhanded kind of tone.

**The sooner he got out of here, the better. Nose still stinging where it had hit the hearth, Harry made his way swiftly and silently toward the door, but before he'd got halfway toward it, two people appeared on the other side of the glass - and one of them was the very last person Harry wanted to meet when he was lost, covered in soot, and wearing broken glasses: Draco Malfoy.**

Draco looked over at Harry, knowing what was going to happen and be said in that shop.

Harry noticed that Malfoy was staring at him, and stared back. There was a look of understanding and resignation in the blonde's eyes. Harry gave him a small nod, receiving a nod in return.

People had stopped to watch the interaction between the two school rivals.

**Harry looked quickly around and spotted a large black cabinet to his left; he shot inside it and pulled the doors closed, leaving a small crack to peer through. Seconds later, a bell clanged, and Malfoy stepped into the shop.**

**The man who followed could only be Draco's father. He had the same pale, pointed face and identical cold, gray eyes. Mr. Malfoy crossed the shop, looking lazily at the items on display, and rang a bell on the counter before turning to his son and saying, "Touch nothing, Draco."**

**Malfoy, who had reached for the glass eye, said, "I thought you were going to buy me a present."**

**"I said I would buy you a racing broom," said his father, drumming his fingers on the counter.**

**"What's the good of that if I'm not on the House team?" said Malfoy, looking sulky and bad-tempered. "Harry Potter got a Nimbus Two Thousand last year. Special permission from Dumbledore so he could play for Gryffindor. He's not even that good, it's just because he's famous... famous for having a stupid scar on his forehead..."**

Harry smiled slightly at those words, thinking how truthful they were even though they were said in resentment.

**Malfoy bent down to examine a shelf full of skulls.**

**"...everyone thinks he's so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick-"**

**"You have told me this at least a dozen times already," said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son. "And I would remind you that it is not - prudent - to appear less than fond of Harry Potter, not when most of our kind regard him as the hero who made the Dark Lord disappear - ah, Mr. Borgin."**

"Borgin and Burkes," Pomona moaned into her hands. "Only he could accidentally floo into one of the darkest shops."

**A stooping man had appeared behind the counter, smoothing his greasy hair back from his face.**

Looks of disgust were shared throughout the Hall at the description.

**"Mr. Malfoy, what a pleasure to see you again," said Mr. Borgin in a voice as oily as his hair. "Delighted - and young Master Malfoy, too - charmed. How may I be of assistance? I must show you, just in today, and very reasonably priced-"**

**"I'm not buying today, Mr. Borgin, but selling," said Mr. Malfoy.**

**"Selling?" The smile faded slightly from Mr. Borgin's face.**

**"You have heard, of course, that the Ministry is conducting more raids," said Mr. Malfoy, taking a roll of parchment from his inside pocket and unraveling it for Mr. Borgin to read. "I have a few - ah - items at home that might embarrass me, if the Ministry were to call..."**

"Oh ho!" Arthur sneered at the book. "The Great Lucius Malfoy brought down to selling dark artifacts."

**Mr. Borgin fixed a pair of pince-nez to his nose and looked down the list.**

**"The Ministry wouldn't presume to trouble you, sir, surely?"**

**Mr. Malfoy's lip curled.**

**"I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act - no doubt that flea-bitten, Muggle-loving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it-"**

"Of course I was, you git," Arthur stated proudly.

**Harry felt a hot surge of anger.**

**"- and as you see, certain of these poisons might make it appear-"**

**"I understand, sir, of course," said Mr. Borgin. "Let me see..."**

**"Can I have that?" interrupted Draco, pointing at the withered hand on its cushion.**

**"Ah, the Hand of Glory!" said Mr. Borgin, abandoning Mr. Malfoy's list and scurrying over to Draco. "Insert a candle and it gives light only to the holder! Best friend of thieves and plunderers! Your son has fine taste, sir."**

_**By the look on Mr. Malfoy's face, he highly disagreed with that. Harry wondered why Malfoy was so cruel, even to his own son. If Harry grew up to be that cruel to his own family, he hoped someone would smack some sense into him.**_

Some people nodded in agreement. They couldn't see themselves being mean to someone they were supposed to love.

**"I hope my son will amount to more than a thief or a plunderer, Borgin," said Mr. Malfoy coldly, and Mr. Borgin said quickly, "No offense, sir, no offense meant-"**

**"Though if his grades don't pick up," said Mr. Malfoy, more coldly still, "that may indeed be all he is fit for-"**

**"It's not my fault," retorted Draco. "The teachers all have favorites, that Hermione Granger-"**

**"I would have thought you'd be ashamed that a girl of no wizard family beat you in every exam," snapped Mr. Malfoy.**

**"Ha!" said Harry under his breath, pleased to see Draco looking both abashed and angry.**

Draco gave Harry a mock angry look. Harry saw it and wiggled his fingers at the blonde in amusement.

Just because he might not like how Draco treated other people, didn't mean they couldn't act civilly.

**"It's the same all over," said Mr. Borgin, in his oily voice. "Wizard blood is counting for less everywhere-"**

**"Not with me," said Mr. Malfoy, his long nostrils flaring.**

**"No, sir, nor with me, sir," said Mr. Borgin, with a deep bow.**

"He's so self-degrading just because he wants to keep a customer," Lily said disgusted.

**"In that case, perhaps we can return to my list," said Mr. Malfoy shortly. "I am in something of a hurry, Borgin, I have important business elsewhere today-"**

**They started to haggle. Harry watched nervously as Draco drew nearer and nearer to his hiding place, examining the objects for sale.**

"I could've found you and I didn't!" Draco said in false anger.

"Its just the way my luck works, Malfoy," Harry smirked.

**Draco paused to examine a long coil of hangman's rope and to read, smirking, the card propped on a magnificent necklace of opals, Caution: Do Not Touch. Cursed - Has Claimed the Lives of Nineteen Muggle Owners to Date.**

**Draco turned away and saw the cabinet right in front of him. He walked forward - he stretched out his hand for the handle "Done," said Mr. Malfoy at the counter. "Come, Draco-"**

**Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve as Draco turned away.**

**"Good day to you, Mr. Borgin. I'll expect you at the manor tomorrow to pick up the goods."**

**The moment the door had closed, Mr. Borgin dropped his oily manner.**

**"Good day yourself, Mister Malfoy, and if the stories are true, you haven't sold me half of what's hidden in your manor..."**

**Muttering darkly, Mr. Borgin disappeared into a back room. Harry waited for a minute in case he came back, then, quietly as he could, slipped out of the cabinet, past the glass cases, and out of the shop door.**

"Your so good at being a ninja, Harry!" the Twins grinned.

**Clutching his broken glasses to his face, Harry stared around. He had emerged into a dingy alleyway that seemed to be made up entirely of shops devoted to the Dark Arts. The one he'd just left, Borgin and Burkes, looked like the largest, but opposite was a nasty window display of shrunken heads and, two doors down, a large cage was alive with gigantic black spiders. Two shabby-looking wizards were watching him from the shadow of a doorway, muttering to each other. Feeling jumpy, Harry set off, trying to hold his glasses on straight and hoping against hope he'd be able to find a way out of here.**

**An old wooden street sign hanging over a shop selling poisonous candles told him he was in Knockturn Alley. This didn't help, as Harry had never heard of such a place. He supposed he hadn't spoken clearly enough through his mouthful of ashes back in the Weasleys' fire. Trying to stay calm, he wondered what to do.**

**"Not lost are you, my dear?" said a voice in his ear, making him jump.**

**An aged witch stood in front of him, holding a tray of what looked horribly like whole human fingernails. She leered at him, showing mossy teeth. Harry backed away.**

"Get out of there!" McGonagall wailed, putting her head into her hands.

**"I'm fine, thanks," he said. "I'm just-"**

**"HARRY! What d'yeh think yer doin'down there?"**

**Harry's heart leapt. So did the witch; a load of fingernails cascaded down over her feet and she cursed as the massive form of Hagrid, the Hogwarts'gamekeeper, came striding toward them, beetle-black eyes flashing over his great bristling beard.**

**"Hagrid!" Harry croaked in relief. "I was lost - Floo powder-"**

**Hagrid seized Harry by the scruff of the neck and pulled him away from the witch, knocking the tray right out of her hands. Her shrieks followed them all the way along the twisting alleyway out into bright sunlight. Harry saw a familiar, snow-white marble building in the distance - Gringotts Bank. Hagrid had steered him right into Diagon Alley.**

**"Yer a mess!" said Hagrid gruffly, brushing soot off Harry so forcefully he nearly knocked him into a barrel of dragon dung outside an apothecary. "Skulkin'around Knockturn Alley, I dunno dodgy place, Harry - don'want no one ter see yeh down there-"**

**"I realized that," said Harry, ducking as Hagrid made to brush him off again. "I told you, I was lost - what were you doing down there, anyway?"**

**"I was lookin'fer a Flesh-Eatin'Slug Repellent," growled Hagrid. "They're ruinin'the school cabbages. Yer not on yer own?"**

**"I'm staying with the Weasleys but we got separated," Harry explained. "I've got to go and find them..."**

**They set off together down the street.**

"Oh, thank you Hagrid!" Pomona sighed in relief.

**"How come yeh never wrote back ter me?" said Hagrid as Harry jogged alongside him (he had to take three steps to every stride of Hagrid's enormous boots). Harry explained all about Dobby and the Dursleys.**

**"Lousy Muggles," growled Hagrid. "If I'd've known-"**

Harry busted out laughing, thinking about how the Dursleys would've reacted to Hagrid again.

**"Harry! Harry! Over here!"**

**Harry looked up and saw Hermione Granger standing at the top of the white flight of steps to Gringotts. She ran down to meet them, her bushy brown hair flying behind her.**

**"What happened to your glasses? Hello, Hagrid - Oh, it's wonderful to see you two again - Are you coming into Gringotts, Harry?"**

**"As soon as I've found the Weasleys," said Harry.**

**"Yeh won't have long ter wait," Hagrid said with a grin.**

**Harry and Hermione looked around: Sprinting up the crowded street were Ron, Fred, George, Percy, and Mr. Weasley.**

**"Harry," Mr. Weasley panted. "We hoped you'd only gone one grate too far..." He mopped his glistening bald patch. "Molly's frantic - she's coming now-"**

**"Where did you come out?" Ron asked.**

**"Knockturn Alley," said Hagrid grimly.**

**"Excellent!" said Fred and George together.**

**"We've never been allowed in," said Ron enviously.**

"Don't see how you could be envious about that," Harry said to himself.

**"I should ruddy well think not," growled Hagrid. Mrs. Weasley now came galloping into view, her handbag swinging wildly in one hand, Ginny just clinging onto the other.**

**"Oh, Harry - oh, my dear - you could have been anywhere-"**

**Gasping for breath she pulled a large clothes brush out of her bag and began sweeping off the soot Hagrid hadn't managed to beat away. Mr. Weasley took Harry's glasses, gave them a tap of his wand, and returned them, good as new.**

**"Well, gotta be off," said Hagrid, who was having his hand wrung by Mrs. Weasley ("Knockturn Alley! If you hadn't found him, Hagrid!"). "See yer at Hogwarts!" And he strode away, head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the packed street.**

**"Guess who I saw in Borgin and Burkes?" Harry asked Ron and Hermione as they climbed the Gringotts steps. "Malfoy and his father."**

"Awww, come on Potter! Why do you have to be such a tattle-tale?" Draco asked bemused.

"I wouldn't be The-Boy-Who-Lived if I didn't," Harry said mockingly back, though people could hear a bitter undertone.

**"Did Lucius Malfoy buy anything?" said Mr. Weasley sharply behind them.**

**"No, he was selling-"**

**"So he's worried," said Mr. Weasley with grim satisfaction. "Oh, I'd love to get Lucius Malfoy for something ..."**

**"You be careful, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley sharply as they were bowed into the bank by a goblin at the door. "That family's trouble. Don't go biting off more than you can chew-"**

**"So you don't think I'm a match for Lucius Malfoy?" said Mr. Weasley indignantly, but he was distracted almost at once by the sight of Hermione's parents, who were standing nervously at the counter that ran all along the great marble hall, waiting for Hermione to introduce them.**

Arthur chuckled at his book-self.

**"But you're Muggles!" said Mr. Weasley delightedly. "We must have a drink! What's that you've got there? Oh, you're changing Muggle money. Molly, look!" He pointed excitedly at the ten-pound notes in Mr. Granger's hand.**

**"Meet you back here," Ron said to Hermione as the Weasleys and Harry were led off to their underground vaults by another Gringotts goblin.**

**The vaults were reached by means of small, goblin-driven carts that sped along miniature train tracks through the bank's underground tunnels. Harry enjoyed the breakneck journey down to the Weasleys'vault, but felt dreadful, far worse than he had in Knockturn Alley, when it was opened. There was a very small pile of silver Sickles inside, and just one gold Galleon. Mrs. Weasley felt right into the corners before sweeping the whole lot into her bag. Harry felt even worse when they reached his vault. He tried to block the contents from view as he hastily shoved handfuls of coins into a leather bag.**

"And theres the gentleman again! Why can't you be like that at school?" Neville teased, only to get a punch on the arm in return.

**Back outside on the marble steps, they all separated. Percy muttered vaguely about needing a new quill. Fred and George had spotted their friend from Hogwarts, Lee Jordan. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were going to a secondhand robe shop. Mr. Weasley was insisting on taking the Grangers off to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink.**

**"We'll all meet at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy your schoolbooks," said Mrs. Weasley, setting off with Ginny. "And not one step down Knockturn Alley!" she shouted at the twins'retreating backs.**

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione strolled off along the winding, cobbled street. The bag of gold, silver, and bronze jangling cheerfully in Harry's pocket was clamoring to be spent, so he bought three large strawberry-and-peanut-butter ice creams, which they slurped happily as they wandered up the alley, examining the fascinating shop windows. Ron gazed longingly at a full set of Chudley Cannon robes in the windows of Quality Quidditch Supplies until Hermione dragged them off to buy ink and parchment next door. In Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, they met Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were stocking up on Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks, and in a tiny junk shop full of broken wands, lopsided brass scales, and old cloaks covered in potion stains they found Percy, deeply immersed in a small and deeply boring book called Prefects Who Gained Power .**

**"A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers," Ron read aloud off the back cover. "That sounds fascinating ..."**

**"Go away," Percy snapped.**

**"Course, he's very ambitious, Percy, he's got it all planned out... He wants to be Minister of Magic..." Ron told Harry and Hermione in an undertone as they left Percy to it.**

Umbridge looked up sharply at that. She knew that the Weasley boy was trying something!

**An hour later, they headed for Flourish and Blotts. They were by no means the only ones making their way to the bookshop. As they approached it, they saw to their surprise a large crowd jostling outside the doors, trying to get in. The reason for this was proclaimed by a large banner stretched across the upper windows:**

**GILDEROY LOCKHART**

**will be signing copies of his autobiography**

**MAGICAL ME**

**today 12:30 P.M. to 4:30 P.M.**

**"We can actually meet him!" Hermione squealed. "I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!"**

"Love on first sight," Harry smirked at the red-faced girl.

**The crowd seemed to be made up mostly of witches around Mrs. Weasley's age. A harassed-looking wizard stood at the door, saying, "Calmly, please, ladies... Don't push, there... mind the books, now..."**

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione squeezed inside. A long line wound right to the back of the shop, where Gilderoy Lockhart was signing his books. They each grabbed a copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 and sneaked up the line to where the rest of the Weasleys were standing with Mr. and Mrs. Granger.**

**"Oh, there you are, good," said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded breathless and kept patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute..."**

Molly turned red while students laughed at her book-self. Arthur looked at his wifein slight disgust, feeling bile rise in his throat at the thought of her fancying Lockhart.

**Gilderoy Lockhart came slowly into view, seated at a table surrounded by large pictures of his own face, all winking and flashing dazzlingly white teeth at the crowd. The real Lockhart was wearing robes of forget-me-not blue that exactly matched his eyes; his pointed wizard's hat was set at a jaunty angle on his wavy hair.**

**A short, irritable-looking man was dancing around taking photographs with a large black camera that emitted puffs of purple smoke with every blinding flash.**

**"Out of the way, there," he snarled at Ron, moving back to get a better shot. "This is for the Daily Prophet-"**

**"Big deal," said Ron, rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it.**

**Gilderoy Lockhart heard him. He looked up. He saw Ron - and then he saw Harry. He stared. Then he leapt to his feet and positively shouted, "It can't be Harry Potter?"**

Harry groaned loudly.

**The crowd parted, whispering excitedly; Lockhart dived forward, seized Harry's arm, and pulled him to the front. The crowd burst into applause. Harry's face burned as Lockhart shook his hand for the photographer, who was clicking away madly, wafting thick smoke over the Weasleys.**

**"Nice big smile, Harry," said Lockhart, through his own gleaming teeth. "Together, you and I are worth the front page."**

**When he finally let go of Harry's hand, Harry could hardly feel his fingers. He tried to sidle back over to the Weasleys, but Lockhart threw an arm around his shoulders and clamped him tightly to his side.**

"You let him go, Lockhart!" Lily sneered hotily at the book.

**"Ladies and gentlemen," he said loudly, waving for quiet. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time!**

**"When young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography - which I shall be happy to present him now, free of charge -" The crowd applauded again. "He had no idea ," Lockhart continued, giving Harry a little shake that made his glasses slip to the end of his nose, "that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, Magical Me . He and his schoolmates will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"**

The students who had had Lockhart moaned and groaned loudly. Even the staff made noises of annoyance at the bumbling idiot of a teacher that Lockhart was.

**The crowd cheered and clapped and Harry found himself being presented with the entire works of Gilderoy Lockhart. Staggering slightly under their weight, he managed to make his way out of the limelight to the edge of the room, where Ginny was standing next to her new cauldron.**

**"You have these," Harry mumbled to her, tipping the books into the cauldron. "I'll buy my own-"**

Girls cooed at how sweet Harry was, but stopped when they saw Harry glare at them again.

**"Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter?" said a voice Harry had no trouble recognizing. He straightened up and found himself face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, who was wearing his usual sneer.**

**"Famous Harry Potter," said Malfoy. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."**

**"Leave him alone, he didn't want all that!" said Ginny. It was the first time she had spoken in front of Harry. She was glaring at Malfoy.**

"Malfoy! You've got some competition for Harry's attention!" the Twins cat-called at the blonde, making 'lovey-dovey' faces and batting their eyelashes adoringly.

Draco turned a slight pink, but chuckled at their actions. "Come on, Potter! You know you'd rather spend time with me!"

"Anytime, Malfoy! Anytime!" Harry yelled, smiling widely at the laughing Slytherin.

**"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" drawled Malfoy. Ginny went scarlet as Ron and Hermione fought their way over, both clutching stacks of Lockhart's books.**

**"Oh, it's you," said Ron, looking at Malfoy as if he were something unpleasant on the sole of his shoe. "Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh?"**

"Why would I?" and "Why would he?" came from Draco and Harry. They looked over at the reddening Weasley boy, but didn't get an answer.

**"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley," retorted Malfoy. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all those."**

"Ouch, Malfoy. That actually hurt," the Twins winced, rubbing a hand over their hearts.

**Ron went as red as Ginny. He dropped his books into the cauldron, too, and started toward Malfoy, but Harry and Hermione grabbed the back of his jacket.**

"Smart move," Lily muttered to herself. "Don't make the situation worse."

**"Ron!" said Mr. Weasley, struggling over with Fred and George. "What are you doing? It's too crowded in here, let's go outside."**

**"Well, well, well - Arthur Weasley."**

**It was Mr. Malfoy. He stood with his hand on Draco's shoulder, sneering in just the same way.**

**"Lucius," said Mr. Weasley, nodding coldly.**

**"Busy time at the Ministry, I hear," said Mr. Malfoy. "All those raids... I hope they're paying you overtime?"**

**He reached into Ginny's cauldron and extracted, from amid the glossy Lockhart books, a very old, very battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration.**

"Never should have let that bastard anywhere near my children's things," Arthur snarked.

**"Obviously not," Mr. Malfoy said. "Dear me, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?"**

**Mr. Weasley flushed darker than either Ron or Ginny.**

**"We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy," he said.**

**"Clearly," said Mr. Malfoy, his pale eyes straying to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, who were watching apprehensively. "The company you keep, Weasley... and I thought your family could sink no lower."**

**There was a thud of metal as Ginny's cauldron went flying; Mr. Weasley had thrown himself at Mr. Malfoy, knocking him backward into a bookshelf. Dozens of heavy spellbooks came thundering down on all their heads; there was a yell of, "Get him, Dad!" from Fred or George; Mrs. Weasley was shrieking, "No, Arthur, no!"; the crowd stampeded backward, knocking more shelves over; "Gentlemen, please - please!" cried the assistant, and then, louder than all-**

"Go, Dad! You get that pompous git!" Fred yelled.

"Knock him out!" George bellowed.

"Mr. Weasley, that wasn't the right place to attack the git!" Harry pouted. "You do it in front of _everyone_ so he's more humiliated!"

The Twins smirked to each other, thinking of the plans they wanted to make with Harry... Ohhhh, the pranks they could execute...

**"Break it up, there, gents, break it up-"**

**Hagrid was wading toward them through the sea of books. In an instant he had pulled Mr. Weasley and Mr. Malfoy apart. Mr. Weasley had a cut lip and Mr. Malfoy had been hit in the eye by an Encyclopedia of Toadstools. He was still holding Ginny's old Transfiguration book. He thrust it at her, his eyes glittering with malice.**

**"Here, girl - take your book - it's the best your father can give you -" Pulling himself out of Hagrid's grip he beckoned to Draco and swept from the shop.**

"Don't you _dare _put that _diary _near my children!" Arthur snarled loudly.

**"Yeh should've ignored him, Arthur," said Hagrid, almost lifting Mr. Weasley off his feet as he straightened his robes. "Rotten ter the core, the whole family, everyone knows that - no Malfoy's worth listenin'ter - bad blood, that's what it is - come on now - let's get outta here."**

"I'm sorry Draco, but Hagrid said I'm not allowed to listen to you anymore," Harry said to the pouting Malfoy teen.

"But I thought we were going to insult each other later?!" Draco moaned in mock-disappointment.

"Maybe in another lifetime?" Harry replied.

**The assistant looked as though he wanted to stop them leaving, but he barely came up to Hagrid's waist and seemed to think better of it. They hurried up the street, the Grangers shaking with fright and Mrs. Weasley beside herself with fury.**

**"A fine example to set for your children... brawling in public... what Gilderoy Lockhart must've thought-"**

"I don't care what that git thinks of me!" Arthur said to his wife. "He has no say in what I do with my time."

**"He was pleased," said Fred. "Didn't you hear him as we were leaving? He was asking that bloke from the Daily Prophet if he'd be able to work the fight into his report - said it was all publicity-"**

**But it was a subdued group that headed back to the fireside in the Leaky Cauldron, where Harry, the Weasleys, and all their shopping would be traveling back to the Burrow using Floo powder. They said good-bye to the Grangers, who were leaving the pub for the Muggle street on the other side; Mr. Weasley started to ask them how bus stops worked, but stopped quickly at the look on Mrs. Weasley's face.**

"Let the man have his fun," Pomona said to no one in particular.

**Harry took off his glasses and put them safely in his pocket before helping himself to Floo powder. It definitely wasn't his favorite way to travel.**

"I _hate _using the floo," Harry moaned loudly. "I always land on my face, and never go through it without a lungful of soot and ash."

"That's another chapter," Arthur said. "Who's going to read next."

After a silent moment, Professor Snape spoke up.

"Give it here. I might as well read a chapter."

Arthur sent the book up to the dour Potion's Master, and got himself comfy for the next reading.

**Chapter 5, The Whomping Willow. **

Ron and Harry groaned at the same time.

_Here comes the most _wonderful _time of my life, _they both thought sarcastically.


	5. Chapter 5

**Another chapter! Sorry for the long wait! Hope you like it!**

**Review and stuff!..**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

* * *

Recap:

"I _hate _using the floo," Harry moaned loudly. "I always land on my face, and never go through it without a lungful of soot and ash."

"That's another chapter," Arthur said. "Who's going to read next."

After a silent moment, Professor Snape spoke up.

"Give it here. I might as well read a chapter."

Arthur sent the book up to the dour Potion's Master, and got himself comfy for the next reading.

**Chapter 5, The Whomping Willow. **

Ron and Harry groaned at the same time.

_Here comes the most _wonderful _time of my life, _they both thought sarcastically.

Chapter 5: Reading Chapter Five

Professor Snape flipped through to the next chapter and started reading.

**The end of the summer vacation came too quickly for Harry's liking.**

"That was a first," Harry muttered.

**He was looking forward to getting back to Hogwarts, but his month at the Burrow had been the happiest of his life. It was difficult not to feel jealous of Ron when he thought of the Dursleys and the sort of welcome he could expect next time he turned up on Privet Drive.**

More pitying looks were sent his way. Harry had to fight the urge to bare his teeth to make them stop, so he opted for glaring at them.

Ron was looking at Harry in suspicion. He knew that all that Harry was doing was for more attention, but deep down, he knew that it wasn't. Whatever, Ron thought to himself, I'm getting money and attention from this anyways.

**On their last evening, Mrs. Weasley conjured up a sumptuous dinner that included all of Harry's favorite things, ending with a mouthwatering treacle pudding. Fred and George rounded off the evening with a display of Filibuster fireworks; they filled the kitchen with red and blue stars that bounced from ceiling to wall for at least half an hour. Then it was time for a last mug of hot chocolate and bed.**

"That's a good dinner," Sirius mumbled to his growling stomach. James nodded his agreement.

**It took a long while to get started next morning. They were up at dawn, but somehow they still seemed to have a great deal to do. Mrs. Weasley dashed about in a bad mood looking for spare socks and quills; people kept colliding on the stairs, half-dressed with bits of toast in their hands; and Mr. Weasley nearly broke his neck, tripping over a stray chicken as he crossed the yard carrying Ginny's trunk to the car.**

**Harry couldn't see how eight people, six large trunks, two owls, and a rat were going to fit into one small Ford Anglia. He had reckoned, of course, without the special features that Mr. Weasley had added.**

"Magic!" some students yelled out.

**"Not a word to Molly," he whispered to Harry as he opened the trunk and showed him how it had been magically expanded so that the luggage fitted easily.**

"Arthur!" Molly screeched.

"It was in the past Molly, and I don't see how that hurt anything," Arthur said cooly.

**When at last they were all in the car, Mrs. Weasley glanced into the back seat, where Harry, Ron, Fred, George, and Percy were all sitting comfortably side by side, and said, "Muggles do know more than we give them credit for, don't they?" She and Ginny got into the front seat, which had been stretched so that it resembled a park bench. "I mean, you'd never know it was this roomy from the outside, would you?"**

**Mr. Weasley started up the engine and they trundled out of the yard, Harry turning back for a last look at the house. He barely had time to wonder when he'd see it again when they were back. George had forgotten his box of Filibuster fireworks. Five minutes after that, they skidded to a halt in the yard so that Fred could run in for his broomstick. They had almost reached the highway when Ginny shrieked that she'd left her diary.**

"If only we hadn't gone back for it," Arthur said to himself.

**By the time she had clambered back into the car, they were running very late, and tempers were running high.**

**Mr. Weasley glanced at his watch and then at his wife.**

**"Molly, dear-"**

**"No , Arthur -"**

**"No one would see - this little button here is an Invisibility Booster I installed - that'd get us up in the air - then we fly above the clouds. We'd be there in ten minutes and no one would be any the wiser-"**

**"I said no, Arthur, not in broad daylight-"**

**They reached King's Cross at a quarter to eleven. Mr. Weasley dashed across the road to get trolleys for their trunks and they all hurried into the station.**

**Harry had caught the Hogwarts Express the previous year. The tricky part was getting onto platform nine and three-quarters, which wasn't visible to the Muggle eye. What you had to do was walk through the solid barrier dividing platforms nine and ten. It didn't hurt, but it had to be done carefully so that none of the Muggles noticed you vanishing.**

**"Percy first," said Mrs. Weasley, looking nervously at the clock overhead, which showed they had only five minutes to disappear casually through the barrier.**

**Percy strode briskly forward and vanished. Mr. Weasley went next; Fred and George followed.**

**"I'll take Ginny and you two come right after us," Mrs. Weasley told Harry and Ron, grabbing Ginny's hand and setting off. In the blink of an eye they were gone.**

**"Let's go together, we've only got a minute," Ron said to Harry.**

**Harry made sure that Hedwig's cage was safely wedged on top of his trunk and wheeled his trolley around to face the barrier. He felt perfectly confident; this wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as using Floo powder. Both of them bent low over the handles of their trolleys and walked purposefully toward the barrier, gathering speed. A few feet away from it, they broke into a run and-**

**CRASH.**

"What?!"

**Both trolleys hit the barrier and bounced backward; Ron's trunk fell off with a loud thump, Harry was knocked off his feet, and Hedwig's cage bounced onto the shiny floor, and she rolled away, shrieking indignantly; people all around them stared and a guard nearby yelled, "What in blazes d'you think you're doing?"**

**"Lost control of the trolley," Harry gasped, clutching his ribs as he got up. Ron ran to pick up Hedwig, who was causing such a scene that there was a lot of muttering about cruelty to animals from the surrounding crowd.**

"Ouch," muttered Neville.

**"Why can't we get through?" Harry hissed to Ron.**

**"I dunno-"**

**Ron looked wildly around. A dozen curious people were still watching them.**

**"We're going to miss the train," Ron whispered. "I don't understand why the gateway's sealed itself-"**

People were shooting glances at Harry and Ron.

**Harry looked up at the giant clock with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. Ten seconds... nine seconds...**

"Uh oh!" a Hufflepuff murmured.

**He wheeled his trolley forward cautiously until it was right against the barrier and pushed with all his might. The metal remained solid.**

**Three seconds... two seconds... one second...**

**"It's gone," said Ron, sounding stunned. "The train's left. What if Mum and Dad can't get back through to us? Have you got any Muggle money?"**

"We couldn't get through," Arthur sighed. "We had to wait for a Curse Breaker to come and undo the block."

**Harry gave a hollow laughed. "The Dursleys haven't given me pocket money for about six years."**

"Its scary when you laugh like that," Luna whispered, looking at Harry warily.

"The Dursleys used to give you pocket-money?" Lily asked.

"They used to, until they found out I had saved it all and going to buy a train ticket for myself to run away," Harry sighed lightly in memory, remember the events that had occurred after that. Uncle Vernon had been _so _mad...

**Ron pressed his ear to the cold barrier.**

**"Can't hear a thing," he said tensely, "What're we going to do? I don't know how long it'll take Mum and Dad to get back to us."**

**They looked around. People were still watching them, mainly because of Hedwig's continuing screeches.**

**"I think we'd better go and wait by the car," said Harry. "We're attracting too much atten-"**

"And here we go," Harry grunted in annoyance.

**"Harry!" said Ron, his eyes gleaming. "The car!"**

**"What about it?"**

**"We can fly the car to Hogwarts!"**

"You really did fly a magical car to Hogwarts?" an awed Hufflepuff asked. At their nods, the Hufflepuff giggled giddily.

"Ronald Weasley! You were the one to suggest flying the car?!" Arthur bellowed.

**"But I thought-"**

**"We're stuck, right? And we've got to get to school, haven't we? And even underage wizards are allowed to use magic if it's a real emergency, section nineteen or something of the Restriction of Thingy-"**

**"But your Mum and Dad..." said Harry, pushing against the barrier again in the vain hope that it would give way. "How will they get home?"**

"Harry's being considerate," Lily cooed mockingly.

"And if you know whats best, Mother, you'd stop that infernal noise this instant," Harry said lowly to Lily, but she could see the amusement in his eyes.

**"They don't need the car!" said Ron impatiently. "They know how to Apparate! You know, just vanish and reappear at home! They only bother with Floo powder and the car because we're all underage and we're not allowed to Apparate yet..."**

**Harry's feeling of panic turned suddenly to excitement.**

"Of course you did," Professor Snape muttered.

**"Can you fly it?"**

**"No, problem," said Ron, wheeling his trolley around to face the exit. "C'mon, let's go. If we hurry we'll be able to follow the Hogwarts Express-"**

**And they marched off through the crowd of curious Muggles, out of the station and back onto the side road where the old Ford Anglia was parked.**

**Ron unlocked the cavernous trunk with a series of taps from his wand. They heaved their luggage back in, put Hedwig on the back seat, and got into the front.**

**"Check that no one's watching," said Ron, starting the ignition with another tap of his wand. Harry stuck his head out of the window: Traffic was rumbling along the main road ahead, but their street was empty.**

**"Okay," he said.**

**Ron pressed a tiny silver button on the dashboard. The car around them vanished - and so did they. Harry could feel the seat vibrating beneath him, hear the engine, feel his hands on his knees and his glasses on his nose, but for all he could see, he had become a pair of eyeballs, floating a few feet above the ground in a dingy street full of parked cars.**

**"Let's go," said Ron's voice from his right.**

**And the ground and the dirty buildings on either side fell away, dropping out of sight as the car rose; in seconds, the whole of London lay, smoky and glittering, below them.**

**Then there was a popping noise and the car, Harry, and Ron reappeared.**

"Ohhhh nooo!" Arthur, McGonagall, Pomona, and Lily moaned.

**"Uh-oh," said Ron, jabbing at the Invisibility Booster. "It's faulty-"**

**Both of them pummeled it. The car vanished. Then it flickered back again.**

**"Hold on!" Ron yelled, and he slammed his foot on the accelerator; they shot straight into the low, woolly clouds and everything turned dull and foggy.**

**"Now what?" said Harry, blinking at the solid mass of cloud pressing in on them from all sides.**

"I'd hate to be claustrophobic," someone muttered.

**"We need to see the train to know what direction to go in," said Ron.**

**"Dip back down again - quickly-"**

**They dropped back beneath the clouds and twisted around in their seats, squinting at the ground.**

**"I can see it!" Harry yelled. "Right ahead - there!"**

**The Hogwarts Express was streaking along below them like a scarlet snake.**

**"Due north," said Ron, checking the compass on the dashboard. "Okay, we'll just have to check on it every half hour or so - hold on-"**

**And they shot up through the clouds. A minute later, they burst out into a blaze of sunlight.**

**It was a different world. The wheels of the car skimmed the sea of fluffy cloud, the sky a bright, endless blue under the blinding white sun.**

"Wow," a Gryffindor second year said.

**"All we've got to worry about now are airplanes," said Ron.**

**They looked at each other and started to laugh; for a long time, they couldn't stop.**

"I think I was a bit hysterical by then," Harry said grinning.

**It was as though they had been plunged into a fabulous dream. This, thought Harry, was surely the only way to travel - past swirls and turrets of snowy cloud, in a car full of hot, bright sunlight, with a fat pack of toffees in the glove compartment, and the prospect of seeing Fred's and George's jealous faces when they landed smoothly and spectacularly on the sweeping lawn in front of Hogwarts castle.**

"Definitely jealous, mate," Fred said while George was making outrageous faces in turn.

**They made regular checks on the train as they flew farther and farther north, each dip beneath the clouds showing them a different view. London was soon far behind them, replaced by neat green fields that gave way in turn to wide, purplish moors, a great city alive with cars like multicolored ants, villages with tiny toy churches.**

"That sounds so cool!"

**Several uneventful hours later, however, Harry had to admit that some of the fun was wearing off. The toffees had made them extremely thirsty and they had nothing to drink. He and Ron had pulled off their sweaters, but Harry's T-shirt was sticking to the back of his seat and his glasses kept sliding down to the end of his sweaty nose. He had stopped noticing the fantastic cloud shapes now and was thinking longingly of the train miles below, where you could buy ice-cold pumpkin juice from a trolley pushed by a plump witch. Why hadn't they been able to get onto platform nine and three-quarters?**

"I know now," Harry said, chuckling at the confused faces peering at him.

**"Can't be much further, can it?" croaked Ron, hours later still, as the sun started to sink into their floor of cloud, staining it a deep pink. "Ready for another check on the train?"**

**It was still right below them, winding its way past a snowcapped mountain. It was much darker beneath the canopy of clouds.**

**Ron put his foot on the accelerator and drove them upward again, but as he did so, the engine began to whine.**

"That doesn't sound good," Arthur muttered.

**Harry and Ron exchanged nervous glances.**

**"It's probably just tired," said Ron. "It's never been this far before..."**

**And they both pretended not to notice the whining growing louder and louder as the sky became steadily darker. Stars were blossoming in the blackness. Harry pulled his sweater back on, trying to ignore the way the windshield wipers were now waving feebly, as though in protest.**

"Should've listened to the bloody car," Harry groaned.

**"Not far," said Ron, more to the car than to Harry, "not far now," and he patted the dashboard nervously.**

**When they flew back beneath the clouds a little while later, they had to squint through the darkness for a landmark they knew.**

**"There!" Harry shouted, making Ron and Hedwig jump. "Straight ahead!"**

**Silhouetted on the dark horizon, high on the cliff over the lake, stood the many turrets and towers of Hogwarts castle.**

**But the car had begun to shudder and was losing speed.**

**"Come on," Ron said cajolingly, giving the steering wheel a little shake, "nearly there, come on-"**

**The engine groaned. Narrow jets of steam were issuing from under the hood. Harry found himself gripping the edges of his seat very hard as they flew toward the lake.**

"Oh Merlin," Lily groaned, putting her head in her hands.

**The car gave a nasty wobble. Glancing out of his window, Harry saw the smooth, black, glassy surface of the water, a mile below. Ron's knuckles were white on the steering wheel. The car wobbled again.**

**"Come on," Ron muttered.**

**They were over the lake - the castle was right ahead - Ron put his foot down.**

**There was a loud clunk, a splutter, and the engine died completely.**

"They're gonna die!" someone yelled.

Harry busted up laughing, bring notice from the person who had just yelled that, and laughed more when said person blushed.

**"Uh-oh," said Ron, into the silence.**

**The nose of the car dropped. They were falling, gathering speed, heading straight for the solid castle wall.**

**"Noooooo!" Ron yelled, swinging the steering wheel around; they missed the dark stone wall by inches as the car turned in a great arc, soaring over the dark greenhouses, then the vegetable patch, and then out over the black lawns, losing altitude all the time.**

"You guys are suicidal!" a Slytherin said, pale at how two twelve-year olds could get into this much trouble already.

**Ron let go of the steering wheel completely and pulled his wand out of his back pocket-**

**"STOP! STOP!" he yelled, whacking the dashboard and the windshield, but they were still plummeting, the ground flying up toward them-**

**"WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!" Harry bellowed, lunging for the steering wheel, but too late-**

**CRUNCH.**

A Hufflepuff started giggling, and everyone looked at her.

"I was just remembering a song from a movie. It goes, 'George, George, George of the Jungle! Watch out for that tree!', and then the guy, George, hits a tree. When they hit the tree, the song popped into my head," the girl explained, still giggling.

**With an earsplitting bang of metal on wood, they hit the thick tree trunk and dropped to the ground with a heavy jolt. Steam was billowing from under the crumpled hood; Hedwig was shrieking in terror; a golfball-size lump was throbbing on Harry's head where he had hit the windshield; and to his right, Ron let out a low, despairing groan.**

"I didn't know you were hurt!" McGonagall said, looking pale when she looked back and noticed that she didn't pay attention to the safety of her students, but had ripped into them when she found out that they had let muggles see them.

Professor Snape and Dumbledore were also having those same thoughts.

**"Are you okay?" Harry said urgently.**

**"My wand," said Ron, in a shaky voice. "Look at my wand-"**

**It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on by a few splinters.**

"Oh Ron, why didn't you tell us?" Molly sighed deeply.

**Harry opened his mouth to say he was sure they'd be able to mend it up at the school, but he never even got started. At that very moment, something hit his side of the car with the force of a charging bull, sending him lurching sideways into Ron, just as an equally heavy blow hit the roof.**

"I hate that tree," Harry said meekly.

**"What's happen -?"**

**Ron gasped, staring through the windshield, and Harry looked around just in time to see a branch as thick as a python smash into it. The tree they had hit was attacking them. Its trunk was bent almost double, and its gnarled boughs were pummeling every inch of the car it could reach.**

"Only you boys could hit the tree that can hit back!" Severus chuckled lightly.

**"Aaargh!" said Ron as another twisted limb punched a large dent into his door; the windshield was now trembling under a hail of blows from knuckle-like twigs and a branch as thick as a battering ram was pounding furiously on the roof, which seemed to be caving in.**

**"Run for it!" Ron shouted, throwing his full weight against his door, but next second he had been knocked backward into Harry's lap by a vicious uppercut from another branch.**

Arthur and Molly paled when they heard how much the boys could've gotten hurt, or killed!, because of that tree.

**"We're done for!" he moaned as the ceiling sagged, but suddenly the floor of the car was vibrating - the engine had restarted.**

"What?!"

**"Reverse!" Harry yelled, and the car shot backward; the tree was still trying to hit them; they could hear its roots creaking as it almost ripped itself up, lashing out at them as they sped out of reach.**

**"That," panted Ron, "was close. Well done, car-"**

**The car, however, had reached the end of its tether. With two sharp clunks, the doors flew open and Harry felt his seat tip sideways: Next thing he knew he was sprawled on the damp ground. Loud thuds told him that the car was ejecting their luggage from the trunk; Hedwig's cage flew through the air and burst open; she rose out of it with an angry screech and sped off toward the castle without a backward look. Then, dented, scratched, and steaming, the car rumbled off into the darkness, its rear lights blazing angrily.**

"What did you do to that car, Arthur?!" Filius squeaked.

**"Come back!" Ron yelled after it, brandishing his broken wand. "Dad'll kill me!"**

**But the car disappeared from view with one last snort from its exhaust.**

**"Can you believe our luck?" said Ron miserably, bending down to pick up Scabbers. "Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back."**

**He glanced over his shoulder at the ancient tree, which was still flailing its branches threateningly.**

**"Come on," said Harry wearily, "we'd better get up to the school..."**

**It wasn't at all the triumphant arrival they had pictured. Stiff, cold, and bruised, they seized the ends of their trunks and began dragging them up the grassy slope, toward the great oak front doors.**

**"I think the feast's already started," said Ron, dropping his trunk at the foot of the front steps and crossing quietly to look through a brightly lit window. "Hey - Harry - come and look - it's the Sorting!"**

**Harry hurried over and, together, he and Ron peered in at the Great Hall.**

**Innumerable candles were hovering in midair over four long, crowded tables, making the golden plates and goblets sparkle. Overhead, the bewitched ceiling, which always mirrored the sky outside, sparkled with stars.**

Dumbledore sighed dreamily, loving the description of his school.

**Through the forest of pointed black Hogwarts hats, Harry saw a long line of scared-looking first years filing into the Hall. Ginny was among them, easily visible because of her vivid Weasley hair. Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall, a bespectacled witch with her hair in a tight bun, was placing the famous Hogwarts Sorting Hat on a stool before the newcomers.**

**Every year, this aged old hat, patched, frayed, and dirty, sorted new students into the four Hogwarts houses (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin). Harry well remembered putting it on, exactly one year ago, and waiting, petrified, for its decision as it muttered aloud in his ear. For a few horrible seconds he had feared that the hat was going to put him in Slytherin, the house that had turned out more Dark witches and wizards than any other but he had ended up in Gryffindor, along with Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Weasleys. Last term, Harry and Ron had helped Gryffindor win the House Championship, beating Slytherin for the first time in seven years.**

The Slytherins "Boo-ed!" sportively at the Gryffindors.

**A very small, mousy-haired boy had been called forward to place the hat on his head. Harry's eyes wandered past him to where Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster, sat watching the Sorting from the staff table, his long silver beard and half-moon glasses shining brightly in the candlelight. Several seats along, Harry saw Gilderoy Lockhart, dressed in robes of aquamarine.**

"Only Dumbledore can pull that off!" Lavender Brown announced.

** And there at the end was Hagrid, huge and hairy, drinking deeply from his goblet.**

**"Hang on..." Harry muttered to Ron. "There's an empty chair at the staff table... Where's Snape?"**

**Professor Severus Snape was Harry's least favorite teacher. Harry also happened to be Snape's least favorite student. Cruel, sarcastic, and disliked by everybody except the students from his own house (Slytherin), Snape taught Potions. _But just because he didn't like Snape, didn't mean he couldn't take advantage that a Potions Master was teaching them. Harry made sure that he had all the notes for each class, taking them secretly by the use of a Dicta-Quill in his bag._**

The professors looked down at Harry, seeing how the young man had overcome problems and hid his knowledge so well.

**"Maybe he's ill!" said Ron hopefully.**

**"Maybe he's left," said Harry, "because he missed out on the Defense Against Dark Arts job again!" _He hoped not though. How else were they to find a competent Potions Teacher such a difficult subject? _**

Professor Snape laughed deeply at that. It sounded like something he would say!

**"Or he might have been sacked!" said Ron enthusiastically. "I mean, everyone hates him-"**

**"Or maybe," said a very cold voice right behind them, "he's waiting to hear why you two didn't arrive on the school train."**

**Harry spun around. There, his black robes rippling in a cold breeze, stood Severus Snape. He was a thin man with sallow skin, a hooked nose, and greasy, shoulder-length black hair, and at this moment, he was smiling in a way that told Harry he and Ron were in very deep trouble.**

"You can really give someone the willies, sir! Nearly scared me stiff," Harry chuckled up at the grinning man.

**"Follow me," said Snape.**

**Not daring even to look at each other, Harry and Ron followed Snape up the steps into the vast, echoing entrance hall, which was lit with flaming torches. A delicious smell of food was wafting from the Great Hall, but Snape led them away from the warmth and light, down a narrow stone staircase that led into the dungeons.**

**"In!" he said, opening a door halfway down the cold passageway and pointing.**

**They entered Snape's office, shivering. The shadowy walls were lined with shelves of large glass jars, in which floated all manner of revolting things Harry didn't really want to know the name of at the moment. The fireplace was dark and empty. Snape closed the door and turned to look at them.**

**"So," he said softly, "the train isn't good enough for the famous Harry Potter and his faithful sidekick Weasley. Wanted to arrive with a bang , did we, boys?"**

**"No, sir, it was the barrier at King's Cross, it-"**

**"Silence!" said Snape coldly. "What have you done with the car?"**

"I am sorry, Mr. Potter, for not letting you explain," Professor Snape said lowly, bowing his head slightly in shame.

Harry just waved him off, "It's ok, sir. We've been through this already."

** Ron gulped. This wasn't the first time Snape had given Harry the impression of being able to read minds. But a moment later, he understood, as Snape unrolled today's issue of the Evening Prophet . "You were seen," he hissed, showing them the headline : FLYING FORD ANGLIA MYSTIFIES MUGGLES. He began to read aloud: "Two Muggles in London, convinced they saw an old car flying over the Post Office tower... at noon in Norfolk, Mrs. Hetty Bayliss, while hanging out her washing... Mr. Angus Fleet, of Peebles, reported to police... Six or seven Muggles in all. I believe your father works in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office?" he said, looking up at Ron and smiling still more nastily. "Dear, dear... his own son..."**

**Harry felt as though he'd just been walloped in the stomach by one of the mad tree's larger branches. If anyone found out Mr. Weasley had bewitched the car... he hadn't thought of that...**

"Oh dear," Arthur sighed deeply. "Harry, it wasn't your fault. Ron was the one to suggest flying it, and you were just a kid. We all make mistakes."

Harry lowered his head guiltily, still not forgiving himself for acting rashly.

Molly was fuming. It was all that Potter brat's fault that Ron had been like that in the first place!

**"I noticed, in my search of the park, that considerable damage seems to have been done to a very valuable Whomping Willow," Snape went on.**

**"That tree did more damage to us than we -" Ron blurted out.**

**"Silence!" snapped Snape again. "Most unfortunately, you are not in my House and the decision to expel you does not rest with me. I shall go and fetch the people who do have that happy power. You will wait here."**

**Harry and Ron stared at each other, white-faced. Harry didn't feel hungry any more. He now felt extremely sick. He tried not to look at a large, slimy something suspended in green liquid on a shelf behind Snape's desk. If Snape had gone to fetch Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House, they were hardly any better off. She might be fairer than Snape, but she was still extremely strict.**

**Ten minutes later, Snape returned, and sure enough it was Professor McGonagall who accompanied him. Harry had seen Professor McGonagall angry on several occasions, but either he had forgotten just how thin her mouth could go, or he had never seen her this angry before. She raised her wand the moment she entered; Harry and Ron both flinched, but she merely pointed it at the empty fireplace, where flames suddenly erupted.**

"I would never harm a student," McGonagall said coolly.

**"Sit," she said, and they both backed into chairs by the fire.**

**"Explain," she said, her glasses glinting ominously.**

**Ron launched into the story, starting with the barrier at the station refusing to let them through.**

**"- so we had no choice, Professor, we couldn't get on the train."**

**"Why didn't you send us a letter by owl? I believe you have an owl?" Professor McGonagall said coldly to Harry.**

**Harry gaped at her. Now she said it, that seemed the obvious thing to have done.**

**"I - I didn't think-"**

**"That," said Professor McGonagall, "is obvious."**

Harry shook his head, promising to think before he acted from now on.

**There was a knock on the office door and Snape, now looking happier than ever, opened it. There stood the headmaster, Professor Dumbledore.**

**Harry's whole body went numb. Dumbledore was looking unusually grave. He stared down his very crooked nose at them, and Harry suddenly found himself wishing he and Ron were still being beaten up by the Whomping Willow.**

**There was a long silence. Then Dumbledore said, "Please explain why you did this."**

**It would have been better if he had shouted. Harry hated the disappointment in his voice. For some reason, he was unable to look Dumbledore in the eyes, and spoke instead to his knees. He told Dumbledore everything except that Mr. Weasley owned the bewitched car, making it sound as though he and Ron had happened to find a flying car parked outside the station. He knew Dumbledore would see through this at once, but Dumbledore asked no questions about the car. When Harry had finished, he merely continued to peer at them through his spectacles.**

"You're better at guilt-tripping the child then any of us," Pomona said jokingly, though she noticed that Dumbledore didn't cheer up.

**"We'll go and get our stuff," said Ron in a hopeless sort of voice.**

**"What are you talking about, Weasley?" barked Professor McGonagall.**

**"Well, you're expelling us, aren't you?" said Ron.**

**Harry looked quickly at Dumbledore.**

**"Not today, Mr. Weasley," said Dumbledore. "But I must impress upon both of you the seriousness of what you have done. I will be writing to both your families tonight. I must also warn you that if you do anything like this again, I will have no choice but to expel you."**

**Snape looked as though Christmas had been canceled. **

"Awww, I'm sorry professor!" Harry called out cheekily.

**He cleared his throat and said, "Professor Dumbledore, these boys have flouted the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry, caused serious damage to an old and valuable tree - surely acts of this nature-"**

**"It will be for Professor McGonagall to decide on these boys'punishments, Severus," said Dumbledore calmly. "They are in her House and are therefore her responsibility." He turned to Professor McGonagall. "I must go back to the feast, Minerva, I've got to give out a few notices. Come, Severus, there's a delicious-looking custard tart I want to sample-"**

**Snape shot a look of pure venom at Harry and Ron as he allowed himself to be swept out of his office, leaving them alone with Professor McGonagall, who was still eyeing them like a wrathful eagle.**

"Eagle indeed!" was the snobby reply.

**"You'd better get along to the hospital wing, Weasley, you're bleeding."**

"And yet I didn't ask Harry," McGonagall sighed.

**"Not much," said Ron, hastily wiping the cut over his eye with his sleeve.**

**"Professor, I wanted to watch my sister being Sorted-"**

**"The Sorting Ceremony is over," said Professor McGonagall. "Your sister is also in Gryffindor."**

**"Oh, good," said Ron.**

"What would you do if your sister wasn't in Gryffindor? Why does that bother you so much?" a seventh year from Hufflepuff asked.

Ron didn't answer, crossing his arms across his chest.

**"And speaking of Gryffindor -" Professor McGonagall said sharply, but Harry cut in: "Professor, when we took the car, term hadn't started, so - so Gryffindor shouldn't really have points taken from it - should it?" he finished, watching her anxiously.**

**Professor McGonagall gave him a piercing look, but he was sure she had almost smiled. Her mouth looked less thin, anyway.**

"Something his parents would've said," she muttered.

**"I will not take any points from Gryffindor," she said, and Harry's heart lightened considerably. "But you will both get a detention." It was better than Harry had expected. As for Dumbledore's writing to the Dursleys, that was nothing. Harry knew perfectly well they'd just be disappointed that the Whomping Willow hadn't squashed him flat.**

Luna scowled deeply, hugging Harry tightly.

**Professor McGonagall raised her wand again and pointed it at Snape's desk. A large plate of sandwiches, two silver goblets, and a jug of iced pumpkin juice appeared with a pop.**

**"You will eat in here and then go straight up to your dormitory," she said. "I must also return to the feast."**

**When the door had closed behind her, Ron let out a long, low whistle.**

**"I thought we'd had it," he said, grabbing a sandwich.**

**"So did I," said Harry, taking one, too.**

**"Can you believe our luck, though?" said Ron thickly through a mouthful of chicken and ham. "Fred and George must've flown that car five or six times and no Muggle ever saw them." **

"What?!" Molly screeched loudly, swinging around to look at the Twins.

**He swallowed and took another huge bite. " Why couldn't we get through the barrier?"**

**Harry shrugged. "We'll have to watch our step from now on, though," he said, taking a grateful swig of pumpkin juice. "Wish we could've gone up to the feast..."**

**"She didn't want us showing off," said Ron sagely. "Doesn't want people to think it's clever, arriving by flying car."**

"No, because I didn't want students to think that you had gotten away without punishment, so I kept you away," McGonagall said coldly.

**When they had eaten as many sandwiches as they could (the plate kept refilling itself) they rose and left the office, treading the familiar path to Gryffindor Tower. The castle was quiet; it seemed that the feast was over. They walked past muttering portraits and creaking suits of armor, and climbed narrow flights of stone stairs, until at last they reached the passage where the secret entrance to Gryffindor Tower was hidden, behind an oil painting of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.**

**"Password?" she said as they approached.**

**"Er -" said Harry.**

**They didn't know the new year's password, not having met a Gryffindor prefect yet, but help came almost immediately; they heard hurrying feet behind them and turned to see Hermione dashing toward them.**

"Perfect timing!" Neville smirked.

**"There you are! Where have you been ? The most ridiculous rumors - someone said you'd been expelled for crashing a flying car!"**

**"Well, we haven't been expelled," Harry assured her.**

"Very reassuring," Severus said sarcastically.

**"You're not telling me you did fly here?" said Hermione, sounding almost as severe as Professor McGonagall.**

**"Skip the lecture," said Ron impatiently, "and tell us the new password."**

"So rude!" Luna said, scowling lightly at the red-head.

**"It's wattlebird,'" said Hermione impatiently, "but that's not the point-"**

"You Gryffindors have weird passwords," some students from the other Houses said.

**Her words were cut short, however, as the portrait of the fat lady swung open and there was a sudden storm of clapping. It looked as though the whole of Gryffindor House was still awake, packed into the circular common room, standing on the lopsided tables and squashy armchairs, waiting for them to arrive.**

"That sounds comfy," Luna said dreamily.

** Arms reached through the portrait hole to pull Harry and Ron inside, leaving Hermione to scramble in after them.**

**"Brilliant!" yelled Lee Jordan. "Inspired! What an entrance! Flying a car right into the Whomping Willow, people'll be talking about that one for years-"**

**"Good for you," said a fifth year Harry had never spoken to; someone was patting him on the back as though he'd just won a marathon; Fred and George pushed their way to the front of the crowd and said together, "Why couldn't we've come in the car, eh?"**

**Ron was scarlet in the face, grinning embarrassedly, but Harry could see one person who didn't look happy at all. Percy was visible over the heads of some excited first years, and he seemed to be trying to get near enough to start telling them off. Harry nudged Ron in the ribs and nodded in Percy's direction. Ron got the point at once.**

**"Got to get upstairs - bit tired," he said, and the two of them started pushing their way toward the door on the other side of the room, which led to a spiral staircase and the dormitories.**

**"Night," Harry called back to Hermione, who was wearing a scowl just like Percy's.**

**They managed to get to the other side of the common room, still having their backs slapped, and gained the peace of the staircase. They hurried up it, right to the top, and at last reached the door of their old dormitory, which now had a sign on it saying SECOND YEARS. They entered the familiar, circular room, with its five four-posters hung with red velvet and its high, narrow windows. Their trunks had been brought up for them and stood at the ends of their beds.**

**Ron grinned guiltily at Harry.**

**"I know I shouldn't've enjoyed that or anything, but..."**

**The dormitory door flew open and in came the other second year Gryffindor boys, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Neville Longbottom.**

**"Unbelievable!" beamed Seamus.**

**"Cool," said Dean.**

**"Amazing," said Neville, awestruck.**

**Harry couldn't help it. He grinned, too.**

"That's the end of the chapter," Professor Snape announced.

"I think that we'll read one more chapter before lunch is to be served," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Who would like to read next?"

* * *

**And... Ta Da! Another chapter done!**

**Hope everyone's feeling ok! I've got the flu or something. Fever, head cold, nasal pressure and all the wonder bits and pieces. I think it's my favorite Christmas present! It doesn't beat the strep throat I got two years ago on Christmas Eve though!**

**Hahaha, anyways, have a wonderful break/holiday thingy!**

**Love,**

**XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

**Ta!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Soooooooo sorry for the long wait! I'm still not feeling well and I'll try and get this done as soon as possible!**

**(A/N) FYI: I'm totally disregarding anything the books said about Sev and Lily and James when they were younger. I'm making it up as I go :) **

**I'm putting up a vote for pairings for Harry (making him gay!)!**

**...just some suggestions, but put in whoever you think...**

**~Older Snape**

**~Bill**

**~Charlie**

**~the Twins**

**~Draco**

**~Seamus**

**~Theodore Nott**

**~Blaise **

**VOTE AND REVIEW!**

* * *

Recap:

**The dormitory door flew open and in came the other second year Gryffindor boys, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Neville Longbottom.**

**"Unbelievable!" beamed Seamus.**

**"Cool," said Dean.**

**"Amazing," said Neville, awestruck.**

**Harry couldn't help it. He grinned, too.**

"That's the end of the chapter," Professor Snape announced.

"I think that we'll read one more chapter before lunch is to be served," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Who would like to read next?"

Chapter 6: Reading Chapter Six and Revelations

"I'll read," Pomona replied, taking the book and flipping to the sixth chapter.

**Chapter Six, Gilderoy Lockhart**

**The next day, however, Harry barely grinned once. Things started to go downhill from breakfast in the Great Hall. The four long house tables were laden with tureens of porridge, plates of kippers, mountains of toast, and dishes of eggs and bacon, beneath the enchanted ceiling (today, a dull, cloudy gray). Harry and Ron sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Hermione, who had her copy of Voyages with Vampires propped open against a milk jug. There was a slight stiffness in the way she said "Morning," which told Harry that she was still disapproving of the way they had arrived. Neville Longbottom, on the other hand, greeted them cheerfully. Neville was a round-faced and accident-prone boy with the worst memory of anyone Harry had ever met.**

**"Mail's due any minute - I think Gran's sending a few things I forgot."**

**Harry had only just started his porridge when, sure enough, there was a rushing sound overhead and a hundred or so owls streamed in, circling the hall and dropping letters and packages into the chattering crowd. A big, lumpy package bounced off Neville's head and, a second later, something large and gray fell into Hermione's jug, spraying them all with milk and feathers.**

"Ewwww," Lily said, crinkling her face up. The same coming from many throughout the Hall.

**"Errol!" said Ron, pulling the bedraggled owl out by the feet. Errol slumped, Unconscious, onto the table, his legs in the air and a damp red envelope in his beak.**

**"Oh, no -" Ron gasped.**

**"It's all right, he's still alive," said Hermione, prodding Errol gently with the tip of her finger.**

"I'm glad to see him caring about someone else," Fred muttered to George.

"I've a feeling that Errol wasn't what he was worried about," George whispered back.

**"It's not that - it's that."**

"Told 'cha," George said.

**Ron was pointing at the red envelope. It looked quite ordinary to Harry, but Ron and Neville were both looking at it as though they expected it to explode.**

"Because it does," James and Sirius muttered, smirking at each other.

**"What's the matter?" said Harry.**

**"She's - she's sent me a Howler," said Ron faintly.**

"Whats a Howler?" many muggleborns asked.

"You'll see," Harry replied knowingly.

There were smirks and chuckles coming from the people who remembered what happened that morning.

**"You'd better open it, Ron," said Neville in a timid whisper. "It'll be worse if you Don't My gran sent me one once, and I ignored it and" - he gulped -"it was horrible."**

**Harry looked from their petrified faces to the red envelope.**

**"What's a Howler?" he said.**

"That's what I want to know!"

**But Ron's whole attention was fixed on the letter, which had begun to smoke at the corners.**

The muggleborns looked around in bewilderment, waiting for someone to explain why.

**"Open it," Neville urged. "It'll all be over in a few minutes-"**

**Ron stretched out a shaking hand, eased the envelope from Errol's beak, and slit it open. Neville stuffed his fingers in his ears. A split second later, Harry knew why. He thought for a moment it had exploded; a roar of sound filled the huge hall, shaking dust from the ceiling.**

"What is it?!"

**"-STEALING THE CAR, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF THEY'D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE-"**

**Mrs. Weasleys yells, a hundred times louder than usual, made the plates and spoons rattle on the table, and echoed deafeningly off the stone walls. People throughout the hall were swiveling around to see who had received the Howler, and Ron sank so low in his chair that only his crimson forehead could be seen.**

"Oh, wow," a Hufflepuff said with a sigh of awe. "It's almost like a phone, but you don't have to yell, nobody else has to hear your conversation, and you can talk at that moment instead of waiting for the owl to deliver it."

**"-LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WE DIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS, YOU AND HARRY COULD BOTH HAVE DIED-"**

**Harry had been wondering when his name was going to crop up. He tried very hard to look as though he couldn't hear the voice that was making his eardrums throb.**

**"-ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED - YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME."**

"I think you're going a little far," a Ravenclaw said. "It wasn't their fault that someone locked them out of the entrance, but it is Ron's fault for not waiting for someone to find them. And how is it a child's fault if their parent is facing problems at work? even if it technically _is _the child that brought the problem to the surface, it would have probably came up at a later date."

**A ringing silence fell. The red envelope, which had dropped from Ron's hand, burst into flames and curled into ashes. Harry and Ron sat stunned, as though a tidal wave had just passed over them. A few people laughed and, gradually, a babble of talk broke out again.**

**Hermione closed Voyages with Vampires and looked down at the top of Ron's head.**

**"Well, I don't know what you expected, Ron, but you-"**

**"Don't tell me I deserved it," snapped Ron.**

**Harry pushed his porridge away. His insides were burning with guilt. Mr. Weasley was facing an inquiry at work. After all Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had done for him over the summer...**

Arthur sighed and walked over to the ashamed teen. Crouching down in front of Harry, Arthur said, "Harry, it's not your fault. Like the Ravenclaw over there said, the Ministry would've found it later, and I would have gotten into more trouble then what I had at the time."

Harry nodded solemnly to appease Arthur for the time being, but everyone could still see that Harry was upset about the incident.

**But he had no time to dwell on this; Professor McGonagall was moving along the Gryffindor table, handing out course schedules. Harry took his and saw that they had double Herbology with the Hufflepuffs first.**

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione left the castle together, crossed the vegetable patch, and made for the greenhouses, where the magical plants were kept. At least the Howler had done one good thing: Hermione seemed to think they had now been punished enough and was being perfectly friendly again.**

"There's no reason for you not to be friendly in the first place," Lily said coldly to the blushing Gryffindor.

**As they neared the greenhouses they saw the rest of the class standing outside, waiting for Professor Sprout. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had only just joined them when she came striding into view across the lawn, accompanied by Gilderoy Lockhart. Professor Sprout's arms were full of bandages, and with another twinge of guilt, Harry spotted the Whomping Willow in the distance, several of its branches now in slings.**

"I wonder if we hadn't hit it that year with the car, that it would've been nicer the next year?" Harry muttered to himself.

**Professor Sprout was a squat little witch who wore a patched hat over her flyaway hair; there was usually a large amount of earth on her clothes and her fingernails would have made Aunt Petunia faint.**

Pomona smiled at her description, but smirked at the last part, hoping she'd be able to make a meeting with Harry's aunt at some point.

**Gilderoy Lockhart, however, was immaculate in sweeping robes of turquoise, his golden hair shining under a perfectly positioned turquoise hat with gold trimming.**

"I think I'm going to barf," someone from Slytherin mock-whispered, making sure everyone could hear him.

There were many people who agreed with that statement, giggling with each other.

**"Oh, hello there!" he called, beaming around at the assembled students. "Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to doctor a Whomping Willow! But I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is! I just happen to have met several of these exotic plants on my travels..."**

"Yes, let's tell a Mistress in Herbology how to do her job," Neville snapped, get roars of approval from the Hufflepuff table.

**"Greenhouse three today, chaps!" said Professor Sprout, who was looking distinctly disgruntled, not at all her usual cheerful self.**

**There was a murmur of interest. They had only ever worked in greenhouse one before - greenhouse three housed far more interesting and dangerous plants. Professor Sprout took a large key from her belt and unlocked the door. Harry caught a whiff of damp earth and fertilizer mingling with the heavy perfume of some giant, umbrella-sized flowers dangling from the ceiling. He was about to follow Ron and Hermione inside when Lockhart's hand shot out.**

"You let go of him!" Lily growled, face dark in anger.

**"Harry! I've been wanting a word - you don't mind if he's a couple of minutes late, do you, Professor Sprout?"**

**Judging by Professor Sprout's scowl, she did mind, but Lockhart said, "That's the ticket," and closed the greenhouse door in her face.**

"That's so rude!" Arthur scowled.

**"Harry," said Lockhart, his large white teeth gleaming in the sunlight as he shook his head. "Harry, Harry, Harry."**

"I think Harry knows his name now," Fred joked with the dark-haired Gryffindor.

**Completely nonplussed, Harry said nothing.**

"That's my Harry," George smiled, throwing an arm around said young man.

**"When I heard - well, of course, it was all my fault. Could have kicked myself."**

"What's he talking about?" someone asked from Ravenclaw.

**Harry had no idea what he was talking about. He was about to say so when Lockhart went on, "Don't know when I've been more shocked. Flying a car to Hogwarts! Well, of course, I knew at once why you'd done it. Stood out a mile. Harry, Harry, Harry ."**

"He knew that Weasley and Potter had been locked out of the entrance and Weasley talked Potter into flying the car to Hogwarts?" Draco asked incredulously.

**It was remarkable how he could show every one of those brilliant teeth even when he wasn't talking.**

The book was gaining even more weird looks with that sentence.

**"Gave you a taste for publicity, didn't I?" said Lockhart. "Gave you the bug . You got onto the front page of the paper with me and you couldn't wait to do it again."**

"Harry can do that by himself, thank you very much," George replied snobbily.

**"Oh, no, Professor, see-"**

**"Harry, Harry, Harry," said Lockhart, reaching out and grasping his shoulder. "I understand. Natural to want a bit more once you've had that first taste - and I blame myself for giving you that, because it was bound to go to your head - but see here, young man, you can't start flying cars to try and get yourself noticed. Just calm down, all right? Plenty of time for all that when you're older. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking! It's all right for him, he's an internationally famous wizard already!'But when I was twelve, I was just as much of a nobody as you are now. In fact, I'd say I was even more of a nobody! I mean, a few people have heard of you, haven't they? All that business with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" He glanced at the lightning scar on Harry's forehead. "I know, I know - it's not quite as good as winning Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award five times in a row, as I have - but it's a start , Harry, it's a start."**

There was a long silence, before someone in Slytherin snorted in amusement, which set everyone off. It took a good ten minutes before everyone had stopped laughing at the outrageous lecture Lockhart had tried to give Harry.

**He gave Harry a hearty wink and strode off. Harry stood stunned for a few seconds, then, remembering he was supposed to be in the greenhouse, he opened the door and slid inside.**

**Professor Sprout was standing behind a trestle bench in the center of the greenhouse. About twenty pairs of different-colored ear muffs were lying on the bench. When Harry had taken his place between Ron and Hermione, she said, "We'll be repotting Mandrakes today. Now, who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake?"**

_**It's a powerful restorative, Harry thought to himself, that allows people who had been cursed or transfigured to be able to return to their original state. They are important to most antidotes, but also dangerous because of their cry. The cry is severely harmful to anyone who hears it.**_

"Why didn't you raise your hand, Potter?" Pomona asked curiously.

Harry mumbled something about Dursleys and not wanting more attention, which made the professors more determined to help the obviously intelligent student in front of them.

**To nobody's surprise, Hermione's hand was first into the air.**

**"Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative," said Hermione, sounding as usual as though she had swallowed the textbook. "It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state."**

**"Excellent. Ten points to Gryffindor," said Professor Sprout. "The Mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes. It is also, however, dangerous. Who can tell me why?"**

**Hermione's hand narrowly missed Harry's glasses as it shot up again.**

"Be careful! Just because you have to show off, doesn't mean you can't take your time about it either! You're going to hurt someone!" Severus snarled, hoping that someone would bring the Know-It-All down a few pegs.

**"The cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it," she said promptly.**

**"Precisely. Take another ten points," said Professor Sprout. "Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young."**

**She pointed to a row of deep trays as she spoke, and everyone shuffled forward for a better look. A hundred or so tufty little plants, purplish green in color, were growing there in rows. _They looked quite intriguing to Harry, who loved working with plants. Working in the garden at the Dursleys' was one of the few chores he didn't mind when it wasn't blistering hot outside._ **

**"Everyone take a pair of earmuffs," said Professor Sprout.**

**There was a scramble as everyone tried to seize a pair that wasn't pink and fluffy.**

_**I should have grabbed one of the pink ones, Harry thought to himself with an inward smirk. Be different on my own choice instead of someone else's.**_

"Still think I should have," Harry replied in thoughtful amusement.

**"When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered," said Professor Sprout. "When it is safe to remove them, I will give you the thumbs-up. Right - earmuffs on ."**

**Harry snapped the earmuffs over his ears. They shut out sound completely. Professor Sprout put the pink, fluffy pair over her own ears, rolled up the sleeves of her robes, grasped one of the tufty plants firmly, and pulled hard.**

**Harry let out a gasp of surprise that no one could hear.**

**Instead of roots, a small, muddy, and extremely ugly baby popped out of the earth. The leaves were growing right out of his head. He had pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling at the top of his lungs.**

"Ugh," Lily said, making a face. Severus poked her in the side and whispered something in her ear that made Lily giggle.

James had had enough of Snivellous near _his _Evans! He stood up and rushed at the Slimy Slytherin.

There were loud bellows of protest and anger, and hands punching and grabbing at him. Taking no heed to them, James pulled his fist back to punch the Snake in the nose, when it was grabbed hard by someone.

Turning around to yell at whoever had grabbed him, James was met with icy green eyes and a shadow covered face. A shiver of fear swept down his spine, but he threw it off to replace it with anger.

"I thought I would've taught my own son better than to grab their parents like that," James sneered at the furious teenager.

"Seeing as you were dead, I'm glad you weren't there to teach me any of your _manners,_" Harry snapped, hauling James to his feet by the collar of his shirt. "And why did you see fit to attack my friend?"

"This slimy bastard was getting his evil touch all over my Evans! He's going to corrupt her!" James bellowed in rage, face red.

"I see no evil in Severus Snape, and I demand that you apologize for the shit you've put him through," Harry replied coldly, seething inwardly at the audacity of James. "I also don't see how Lily is yours. She is a person, not a piece of property."

"I'm not saying sorry to that bastard! He deserves everything I've done to him! Snivellous fancies her, but she's mine!" James screeched, abruptly turning to attack Severus again.

But as the first time, he was stopped by an enraged Hadrian Jameson Potter.

"If you _dare _lay a finger on him, I'll make you wish you'd never been born!" Harry snarled into the red face of James. "You dare even look or act funny around him, you'll face consequences you can't afford to deal with."

James ripped his arm out of the hold it was in, and lashed out at the young man who'd stopped him.

Harry saw the fist coming, and easily dodged it. He side-stepped to the side and grabbed the attacking appendage, twisting it behind James' back. Harry kicked James' knees out and brought him down to the ground hard.

He yanked James' head up with his free hand, sneering down at the pitiful man who was supposed to be his father.

"Let go of me!" James whined, struggling to get out of the hold pinning him.

"I just don't see how you married him, Lily. I mean, he's so pitiful and weak," Harry said nonchalantly, ignoring the struggling below him.

"I don't have a clue either," Lily said coolly, helping Severus to his feet and supporting him when he swayed in place. "I think Sev hit his head," she said in concern.

Before Harry could say anything, Poppy was on them.

"A small concussion and a few bruises. Nothing I won't be able to take care of," Poppy said, waving her wand around a few more times at Severus.

While Poppy was taking care of Severus, Lily stomped over to James and Harry.

"For your information, Severus doesn't _fancy _me! I'm a sister to him, and he's my brother! My parents adopted him two summers ago when we saw that his parents weren't fit to take care of him anymore," Lily explained stoutly to the whimpering James. "Severus has never liked me as more than family, and he's in a serious relationship with a nice bloke from Ravenclaw."

"That bastard's a faggot?!" James crowed. "I knew there was something wrong wi-"

Anything that James was going to keep saying was effectively ended when Harry yanked James' head back and punched him in the jaw.

"I wouldn't keep talking if I were you," Harry said casually, letting James writhe on the floor in pain, clutching his face.

"What'd you do? Break his teeth?" Fred asked in mock-concern.

"No, just his arrogant face," Harry smirked.

Fred and George snickered, while Lily and Harry made their way over to where Severus was sitting surrounded by Poppy, Professor Snape, McGonagall, and Sprout.

"You ok, Severus?" Lily asked right away, worried for her brother.

"Like I have told the professors here, I am fine," Severus replied immediately, letting Lily fuss over him.

"Is _he _going to live?" McGonagall asked Harry.

"Unfortunately, yes. I've just broken his ego, pride, and face," Harry said coolly, still wanting to beat the living shit out of James.

"I'll let him suffer some more, before I have to go and fix his face," Madam Pomfery muttered.

Professor Snape glared lightly at the red-headed young woman next to his younger self. "You just had to tell the rest of the school that I am gay, didn't you?"

"Sorry," Lily mumbled, chastised.

Snape sighed, running a hand through his hair, before turning to Harry. "Thank you from saving my younger self from receiving more damage from James. It looked like you had everything under control?"

"Of course, sir," Harry replied. "I wasn't just going to stand around while James beat up Severus, you?, because he's upset about something not in his control. And making those rude remarks were uncalled for, and I disagreed with all of them," he said stubbornly. "It would've been hypocritical of me to say something about you, while I have the same preferences."

"You're gay?" Lily asked excitably. "We can go shopping and..."

Harry tuned her out after he heard the word 'shopping'. "Why does everyone think that just because someone's gay, they know everything that has to do with everything girly?" he muttered.

He heard Snape chuckle beside him, "She was like this when she first found out I was also. After the fifth time I'd gone into a clothing store, she finally gavve up on me and tried to find someone else to take about fashion."

"All I dress in is jeans, tee shirts, sweatshirts, and sweatpants. Don't get why I have to be the fashion know-it-all," Harry said. Snape chuckled again at Harry's mumbling and Lily's chattering.

They all quieted down when they heard Dumbledore announce that they'd return to the book reading,

**Professor Sprout took a large plant pot from under the table and plunged the Mandrake into it, burying him in dark, damp compost until only the tufted leaves were visible. Professor Sprout dusted off her hands, gave them all the thumbs-up, and removed her own earmuffs.**

**"As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet," she said calmly as though she'd just done nothing more exciting than water a begonia. "However, they will knock you out for several hours, and as I'm sure none of you want to miss your first day back, make sure your earmuffs are securely in place while you work. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up.**

**"Four to a tray - there is a large supply of pots here - compost in the sacks over there - and be careful of the Venemous Tentacula, it's teething."**

**She gave a sharp slap to a spiky, dark red plant as she spoke, making it draw in the long feelers that had been inching sneakily over her shoulder.**

"Oh!" a first year Gryffindor muttered.

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione were joined at their tray by a curly-haired Hufflepuff boy Harry knew by sight but had never spoken to.**

**"Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said brightly, shaking Harry by the hand. "Know who you are, of course, the famous Harry Potter... And you're Hermione Granger - always top in everything" (Hermione beamed as she had her hand shaken too) "- and Ron Weasley. Wasn't that your flying car?"**

"That's all he's probably going to be known for now," George snickered.

**Ron didn't smile. The Howler was obviously still on his mind.**

**"That Lockhart's something, isn't he?" said Justin happily as they began filling their plant pots with dragon dung compost. "Awfully brave chap. Have you read his books? I'd have died of fear if Id been cornered in a telephone booth by a werewolf, but he stayed cool and - zap - just fantastic.**

**"My name was down for Eton, you know. I can't tell you how glad I am I came here instead. Of course, Mother was slightly disappointed, but since I made her read Lockhart's books I think she's begun to see how useful it'll be to have a fully trained wizard in the family..."**

**After that they didn't have much chance to talk. Their earmuffs were back on and they needed to concentrate on the Mandrakes. Professor Sprout had made it look extremely easy, but it wasn't. The Mandrakes didn't like coming out of the earth, but didn't seem to want to go back into it either. They squirmed, kicked, flailed their sharp little fists, and gnashed their teeth; Harry spent ten whole minutes trying to squash a particularly fat one into a pot.**

**By the end of the class, Harry, like everyone else, was sweaty, aching, and covered in earth. Everyone traipsed back to the castle for a quick wash and then the Gryffindors hurried off to Transfiguration.**

"I love coming out of Herbology," Neville said, excited and passionate about his favorite subject.

**Professor McGonagall's classes were always hard work, but today was especially difficult. Everything Harry had learned last year seemed to have leaked out of his head during the summer. He was supposed to be turning a beetle into a button, but all he managed to do was give his beetle a lot of exercise as it scuttled over the desktop avoiding his wand.**

"That's how I feel!" was heard around the Great Hall.

**Ron was having far worse problems. He had patched up his wand with some borrowed Spellotape, but it seemed to be damaged beyond repair. It kept crackling and sparking at odd moments, and every time Ron tried to transfigure his beetle it engulfed him in thick gray smoke that smelled of rotten eggs. Unable to see what he was doing, Ron accidentally squashed his beetle with his elbow and had to ask for a new one. Professor McGonagall wasn't pleased.**

**Harry was relieved to hear the lunch bell. His brain felt like a wrung sponge. Everyone filed out of the classroom except him and Ron, who was whacking his wand furiously on the desk.**

**"Stupid - useless - thing-"**

**"Write home for another one," Harry suggested as the wand let off a volley of bangs like a firecracker.**

"That's not good," Arthur muttered.

**"Oh, yeah, and get another Howler back," said Ron, stuffing the now hissing wand into his bag. " It's your own fault your wand got snapped -'"**

**They went down to lunch, where Ron's mood was not improved by Hermione's showing them the handful of perfect coat buttons she had produced in Transfiguration.**

**"What've we got this afternoon?" said Harry, hastily changing the subject.**

**"Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione at once.**

**"Why, "demanded Ron, seizing her schedule, "have you outlined all Lockhart's lessons in little hearts?"**

**Hermione snatched the schedule back, blushing furiously.**

There were retching noises coming from many of the upper years from every House.

**They finished lunch and went outside into the overcast courtyard. Hermione sat down on a stone step and buried her nose in Voyages with Vampires again. Harry and Ron stood talking about Quidditch for several minutes before Harry became aware that he was being closely watched. Looking up, he saw the very small, mousy-haired boy he'd seen trying on the Sorting Hat last night staring at Harry as though transfixed. He was clutching what looked like an ordinary Muggle camera, and the moment Harry looked at him, he went bright red.**

**"All right, Harry? I'm - I'm Colin Creevey," he said breathlessly, taking a tentative step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor, too. D'you think - would it be all right if - can I have a picture?" he said, raising the camera hopefully.**

"Awww! Your first stalker!" Lily cooed, ignoring the protesting noises and laughter.

**"A picture?" Harry repeated blankly.**

**"So I can prove I've met you," said Colin Creevey eagerly, edging further forward. "I know all about you. Everyone's told me. About how you survived when You-Know-Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead" (his eyes raked Harry's hairline) "and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion, the pictures'll move ." Colin drew a great shuddering breath of excitement and said, "It's amazing here, isn't it? I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either. So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you" - he looked imploringly at Harry - "maybe your friend could take it and I could stand next to you? And then, could you sign it?"**

"I feel molested," Harry stated blandly.

**"Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos , Potter?"**

**Loud and scathing, Draco Malfoy's voice echoed around the courtyard. He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as he always was at Hogwarts, by his large and thuggish cronies, Crabbe and Goyle.**

**"Everyone line up!" Malfoy roared to the crowd. "Harry Potter's giving out signed photos!"**

**"No, I'm not," said Harry angrily, his fists clenching. "Shut up, Malfoy."**

**"You're just jealous," piped up Colin, whose entire body was about as thick as Crabbe's neck.**

**"Jealous?" said Malfoy, who didn't need to shout anymore: half the courtyard was listening in. "Of what? I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself."**

_**Me neither, Harry thought to himself, but kept** **quiet.**_

**Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly.**

**"Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron angrily. Crabbe stopped laughing and started rubbing his knuckles in a menacing way.**

**"Be careful, Weasley," sneered Malfoy. "You don't want to start any trouble or your Mommy'll have to come and take you away from school." He put on a shrill, piercing voice. " If you put another toe out of line****-"**

**A knot of Slytherin fifth-years nearby laughed loudly at this.**

**"Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter," smirked Malfoy. "It'd be worth more than his family's whole house-"**

Draco sneered at the glares sent his way, but saw that Arthur and the Twins were silently laughing at the other Weasleys making a big deal out of it.

**Ron whipped out his Spellotaped wand, but Hermione shut Voyages with Vampires with a snap and whispered, "Look out!"**

**"What's all this, what's all this?" Gilderoy Lockhart was striding toward them, his turquoise robes swirling behind him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"**

**Harry started to speak but he was cut short as Lockhart flung an arm around his shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Harry!"**

"I feel like I have to burn my skin off," Harry shuddered.

**Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation, Harry saw Malfoy slide smirking back into the crowd.**

"You did it on purpose!" Lily crowed in humor, laughing at the face Harry made.

**"Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin. "A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it for you."**

**Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture as the bell rang behind them, signaling the start of afternoon classes.**

**"Off you go, move along there," Lockhart called to the crowd, and he set off back to the castle with Harry, who was wishing he knew a good Vanishing Spell, still clasped to his side.**

**"A word to the wise, Harry," said Lockhart paternally as they entered the building through a side door. "I covered up for you back there with young Creevey - if he was photographing me, too, your schoolmates won't think you're setting yourself up so much..."**

**Deaf to Harry's stammers, Lockhart swept him down a corridor lined with staring students and up a staircase.**

**"Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible - looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go, but" - he gave a little chortle - "I don't think you're quite there yet."**

"Harry?" Fred asked cautiously, seeing the look of utter hatred on Harry's face.

"Just keep reading. I'm glad to know that Lockhart's somewhere that I can't hurt him now," Harry murmured.

**They had reached Lockhart's classroom and he let Harry go at last. Harry yanked his robes straight and headed for a seat at the very back of the class, where he busied himself with piling all seven of Lockhart's books in front of him, so that he could avoid looking at the real thing.**

"Good idea," Minerva muttered.

**The rest of the class came clattering in, and Ron and Hermione sat down on either side of Harry.**

**"You could've fried an egg on your face" said Ron. "You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."**

"Too late!"

**"Shut up," snapped Harry. The last thing he needed was for Lockhart to hear the phrase "Harry Potter fan club"**

**When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls , and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.**

"I wanted to vomit every time I looked at one of his books," Harry said deadpan. Though people could see his lips twitching when others were agreeing with him.

**"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"**

**He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.**

"I wouldn't even smile," Lily said, disgusted.

**"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books - well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about - just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in-"**

**When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes - start - now!"**

**Harry looked down at his paper and read:**

**1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart s favorite color?**

"What kind of test is this?" Minerva asked.

**2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?**

"How are they supposed to know that?" Snape questioned.

**3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?**

"It's all about him! He's sounding more and more like James Potter to me," Lily sniffed haughtily.

**On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to:**

**54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?**

"Wow... I'm so glad he's not teaching anymore!" someone from Ravenclaw admonished.

**Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them in front of the class.**

**"Tut, tut - hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti . And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully - I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples - though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogdeds Old Firewhisky!"**

"That's... disturbing..." a second year from Slytherin gagged.

**He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shaking with silent laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.**

"Ewwww!"

**"... but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions - good girl! In fact" - he flipped her paper over - "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"**

**Hermione raised a trembling hand.**

"Oh dear, somebody's got a crush!" Harry bit out sarcasticly, smirking at Hermione.

**"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so - to business-"**

**He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.**

**"Now - be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."**

"Not on their first day of class!" Filius Flitwick moaned.

**In spite of himself, Harry leaned around his pile of books for a better look at the cage. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover. Dean and Seamus had stopped laughing now. Neville was cowering in his front row seat.**

"Oh, Neville. Only you, only you," Harry chuckled, remembering what happened later on.

**"I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might provoke them."**

**As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.**

**"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."**

Seamus let out a snort of laughter.

**Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.**

**"Yes?" He smiled at Seamus.**

**"Well, they're not - they're not very - dangerous , are they?" Seamus choked.**

**"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"**

**The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and making bizarre faces at the people nearest them.**

**"Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.**

"Oh no!" Lily groaned.

**It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air.**

"Poor Neville," Luna grimaced, losing her dreamy look for a few moments.

**Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, up-ended the waste basket, grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half the class was sheltering under desks and Neville was swinging from the iron chandelier in the ceiling.**

"That's a huge mess," Severus muttered.

**"Come on now - round them up, round them up, they're only pixies," Lockhart shouted.**

**He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"**

"That's not a real spell!" the professors, Lily, and the Ravenclaws yelled.

**It had absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized his wand and threw it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived under his own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, who fell a second later as the chandelier gave way.**

"Oh Merlin! Were you alright, Longbottom?" Minerva asked, not hearing about this until now.

"Just a few bruises and I ached for a little bit, but Harry helped me out in our dorms that night," Neville replied, easing Minerva's, Poppy's, and Pomona's worry.

**The bell rang and there was a mad rush toward the exit. In the relative calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, caught sight of Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who were almost at the door, and said, "Well, I'll ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage." He swept past them and shut the door quickly behind him.**

"Coward!" the Slytherins hissed.

**"Can you believe him?" roared Ron as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear.**

**"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," said Hermione, immobilizing two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and stuffing them back into their cage.**

**"Hands on? "said Harry, who was trying to grab a pixie dancing out of reach with its tongue out. "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing-"**

**"Rubbish," said Hermione. "You've read his books - look at all those amazing things he's done-"**

**"He says he's done," Ron muttered.**

"That's one of the most insightful times Ron's ever been," Harry muttered, earning a few amused glances.

"Let us eat lunch, and then we'll read another chapter!" Dumbledore twinkled, smiling at the students.

* * *

**Yay! Finally got this chapter done! Hope you liked it, and sorry again for the long wait!**

**Review and vote!**

**Love,**

**XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

**Ta!**


	7. Chapter 7

**SOOOO sorry for the long wait! I got rid of my flu and had midterms, but then I lost all of my creative writing ideas for my stories :'(**

**I'm also on my school's Girl's Lacrosse Team and have practice every weekday from 3:45-6 pm and games like four times a week and I'm just so exhausted XP **

**Now my dog Cheddar has kidney failure :"( its really hard because he's in the 3rd of 4th stage of it and he's so weak and needs lots of caring and help.**

**And I now have work, gotta make the money for college/dental work (braces)/car :P**

**I'll get this keep going because I know you guys have been waiting.**

**Votes for Pairings with Harry:**

**Draco- 2**

**Blaise- 2**

**Older Sev- 2**

**Voldy- 1**

**Keep Voting!**

* * *

Recap:

**"Can you believe him?" roared Ron as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear.**

**"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," said Hermione, immobilizing two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and stuffing them back into their cage.**

**"Hands on? "said Harry, who was trying to grab a pixie dancing out of reach with its tongue out. "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing-"**

**"Rubbish," said Hermione. "You've read his books - look at all those amazing things he's done-"**

**"He says he's done," Ron muttered.**

"That's one of the most insightful times Ron's ever been," Harry muttered, earning a few amused glances.

"Let us eat lunch, and then we'll read another chapter!" Dumbledore twinkled, smiling at the students.

Chapter 7: Reading Chapter Seven

After everyone had eaten lunch, Cho Chang grabbed the book and started reading the next chapter.

**Chapter Seven, Mudbloods and Murmurs**

Draco flinch slightly at the title. He knew what this chapter was going to be about, and apparently so did Granger and Weasley, as they were glaring at him.

**Harry spent a lot of time over the next few days dodging out of sight whenever he saw Gilderoy Lockhart coming down a corridor. Harder to avoid was Colin Creevey, who seemed to have memorized Harry's schedule. Nothing seemed to give Colin a bigger thrill than to say, "All right, Harry?" six or seven times a day and hear, "Hello, Colin," back, however exasperated Harry sounded when he said it.**

"And yet, I still ran into them no matter how hard I tried to hide," Harry sighed, exasperated.

**Hedwig was still angry with Harry about the disastrous car journey and Ron's wand was still malfunctioning, surpassing itself on Friday morning by shooting out of Ron's hand in Charms and hitting tiny old Professor Flitwick squarely between the eyes, creating a large, throbbing green boil where it had struck. So with one thing and another, Harry was quite glad to reach the weekend. He, Ron, and Hermione were planning to visit Hagrid on Saturday morning. Harry, however, was shaken awake several hours earlier than he would have liked by Oliver Wood, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.**

"Noooooooooooo!" the Gryffindor team that knew what Oliver was doing groaned.

A bright light enveloped the Hall once more, and Oliver Wood popped into existence.

Oliver stumbled to his feet and was only able to get a, "Wha-?" out, before he was tackled by Angelina, Katie, the Twins, Harry, and Alicia in roars of welcome and bone-crushing hugs.

"OLIVER! YOU'RE HERE!" Fred yelled, thumping Oliver on the back so hard that Oliver stumbled a bit.

George wrapped his arm around Oliver's shoulders and directed him to the Gryffindor table, where the older Gryffindors were celebrating the return of their graduated Quidditch Captain.

"What am I doing here? _How_ did I get here? What are we doing?" Oliver questioned rapidly, sitting down by a pretty red-haired, green-eyed young lady.

"We're reading a series of books about Harry's life," the mystery woman answered, giving Oliver a sly smile. Oliver smiled back, thanking the stranger.

"Who are you?" Oliver asked.

"Lily, Lily Evans," Lily replied. "I'm Harry's mother."

"Nice to me- WHAT?!" Oliver yelped, wide-eyed.

Harry chuckled heartily at the look on Oliver's face, as did everyone else in the Great Hall.

"Yeah. Big surprise isn't it? James and his friends are down at the end of the table up there. My mum and Severus Snape are sitting here with us," Harry said nonchalantly, pointing everyone out.

"Snape? As in our Potions Professor Snape? At a Gryffindor table?" Oliver teased, not really believing that the most House prejudice teacher in all of Hogwarts would sit at a Gryffindor table willingly.

"Hello," a dark, soothing voice from behind Oliver said.

Turning around, Oliver found a younger looking Professor Snape standing behind him. This Snape didn't have greasy hair though, and the large, aristocratic nose wasn't as prominent, but it was Severus Snape all right. Those dark, piercing eyes were the same, as was the pale skin and long, nimble fingers.

"Good to meet you again, Sir," Oliver said respectfully, holding out his hand.

Severus clasped the hand briefly saying, "Call me Severus. I've not been called 'Sir'. Yet." A small twist in his lips was seen, before he sat down next to Lily.

"Alright, Severus," Oliver replied, smiling.

**"Whassamatter?" said Harry groggily.**

**"Quidditch practice!" said Wood. "Come on!"**

"When is this?" Oliver whispered to Harry.

"First Quidditch practice my second year," Harry whispered back.

**Harry squinted at the window. There was a thin mist hanging across the pink-and-gold sky. Now that he was awake, he couldn't understand how he could have slept through the racket the birds were making.**

**"Oliver," Harry croaked. "It's the crack of dawn."**

"Merlin!" the other Quidditch Captains exclaimed in shock.

**"Exactly," said Wood. He was a tall and burly sixth year and, at the moment, his eyes were gleaming with a crazed enthusiasm. "It's part of our new training program. Come on, grab your broom, and let's go," said Wood heartily. "None of the other teams have started training yet; we're going to be first off the mark this year-"**

**Yawning and shivering slightly, Harry climbed out of bed and tried to find his Quidditch robes.**

"'Atta boy, Harry," Fred said.

"It took Oliver ten minutes to get through our booby traps and reach our bed to wake us up," George grinned happily.

**"Good man," said Wood. "Meet you on the field in fifteen minutes."**

**When he'd found his scarlet team robes and pulled on his cloak for warmth, Harry scribbled a note to Ron explaining where he'd gone and went down the spiral staircase to the common room, his Nimbus Two Thousand on his shoulder. He had just reached the portrait hole when there was a clatter behind him and Colin Creevey came dashing down the spiral staircase, his camera swinging madly around his neck and something clutched in his hand.**

"Do you sit on the steps all night and wait for Harry to come down?" a Slytherin asked, quite appalled at someone so obssessed.

**"I heard someone saying your name on the stairs, Harry! Look what I've got here! I've had it developed, I wanted to show you-"**

**Harry looked bemusedly at the photograph Colin was brandishing under his nose.**

"You're never bemused when you look at pictures," Neville said.

**A moving, black-and-white Lockhart was tugging hard on an arm Harry recognized as his own. He was pleased to see that his photographic self was putting up a good fight and refusing to be dragged into view. As Harry watched, Lockhart gave up and slumped, panting, against the white edge of the picture.**

"I put up a damn good fight," Harry announced proudly.

**"Will you sign it?" said Colin eagerly.**

**"No," said Harry flatly, glancing around to check that the room was really deserted. "Sorry, Colin, I'm in a hurry - Quidditch practice-"**

"OHHH! Rejected!" the Twins called.

**He climbed through the portrait hole.**

**"Oh, wow! Wait for me! I've never watched a Quidditch game before!"**

**Colin scrambled through the hole after him.**

**"It'll be really boring," Harry said quickly, but Colin ignored him, his face shining with excitement.**

**"You were the youngest House player in a hundred years, weren't you, Harry? Weren't you?" said Colin, trotting alongside him. "You must be brilliant. I've never flown. Is it easy? Is that your own broom? Is that the best one there is?"**

**Harry didn't know how to get rid of him. It was like having an extremely talkative shadow.**

**"I don't really understand Quidditch," said Colin breathlessly. "Is it true there are four balls? And two of them fly around trying to knock people off their brooms?"**

**"Yes," said Harry heavily, resigned to explaining the complicated rules of Quidditch. "They're called Bludgers. There are two Beaters on each team who carry clubs to beat the Bludgers away from their side. Fred and George Weasley are the Gryffindor Beaters."**

**"And what are the other balls for?" Colin asked, tripping down a couple of steps because he was gazing open-mouthed at Harry.**

**"Well, the Quaffle - that's the biggish red one - is the one that scores goals. Three Chasers on each team throw the Quaffle to each other and try and get it through the goal posts at the end of the pitch - they're three long poles with hoops on the end."**

**"And the fourth ball-"**

**"- is the Golden Snitch," said Harry, "and it's very small, very fast, and difficult to catch. But that's what the Seeker's got to do, because a game of Quidditch doesn't end until the Snitch has been caught. And whichever team's Seeker gets the Snitch earns his team an extra hundred and fifty points."**

**"And you're the Gryffindor Seeker, aren't you?" said Colin in awe.**

**"Yes," said Harry as they left the castle and started across the dew-drenched grass. "And there's the Keeper, too. He guards the goal posts. That's it, really."**

**But Colin didn't stop questioning Harry all the way down the sloping lawns to the Quidditch field, and Harry only shook him off when he reached the changing rooms; Colin called after him in a piping voice, "I'll go and get a good seat, Harry!" and hurried off to the stands.**

"I would've punched him in the face after the first minute," someone from Slytherin muttered.

**The rest of the Gryffindor team were already in the changing room. Wood was the only person who looked truly awake. Fred and George Weasley were sitting, puffy-eyed and touslehaired, next to fourth year Alicia Spinnet, who seemed to be nodding off against the wall behind her. Her fellow Chasers, Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson, were yawning side by side opposite them.**

"Awwww! Aren't you all adorable?"

**"There you are, Harry, what kept you?" said Wood briskly. "Now, I wanted a quick talk with you all before we actually get onto the field, because I spent the summer devising a whole new training program, which I really think will make all the difference..."**

**Wood was holding up a large diagram of a Quidditch field, on which were drawn many lines, arrows, and crosses in different colored inks. He took out his wand, tapped the board, and the arrows began to wiggle over the diagram like caterpillars. As Wood launched into a speech about his new tactics, Fred Weasley's head drooped right onto Alicia Spinnet's shoulder and he began to snore.**

"How can you tell them apart? I didn't even know if it was Fred or George on my shoulder!" Alicia exclaimed.

"Shhh... Its my own little secret," Harry mock-whispered, putting a finger to his lips while wiggling his eyebrows.

**The first board took nearly twenty minutes to explain, but there was another board under that, and a third under that one. Harry sank into a stupor as Wood droned on and on.**

**"So," said Wood, at long last, jerking Harry from a wistful fantasy about what he could be eating for breakfast at this very moment up at the castle. "Is that clear? Any questions?"**

**"I've got a question, Oliver," said George, who had woken with a start. "Why couldn't you have told us all this yesterday when we were awake?"**

"Why didn't he?" someone from Ravenclaw asked.

**Wood wasn't pleased.**

"'Course he wasn't," the Gryffindor qudditch team chuckled.

"He takes his Quidditch to a whole new level of insanity," Harry chuckled as the Hall laughed at the blushing Wood.

**"Now, listen here, you lot," he said, glowering at them all. "We should have won the Quidditch cup last year. We're easily the best team. But unfortunately - owing to circumstances beyond our control-"**

"Awww, come on Wood! You're gonna make Harry feel guilty!" the Twins whined.

**Harry shifted guiltily in his seat. He had been uncon****scious in**** the hospital wing for the final match of the previous year, meaning that Gryffindor had been a player short and had suffered their worst defeat in three hundred years.**

**Wood took a moment to regain control of himself. Their last defeat was clearly still torturing him.**

**"So this year, we train harder than ever before... Okay, let's go and put our new theories into practice!" Wood shouted, seizing his broomstick and leading the way out of the locker rooms. Stiff-legged and still yawning, his team followed.**

**They had been in the locker room so long that the sun was up completely now, although remnants of mist hung over the grass in the stadium. As Harry walked onto the field, he saw Ron and Hermione sitting in the stands.**

**"Aren't you finished yet?" called Ron incredulously.**

**"Haven't even started," said Harry, looking jealously at the toast and marmalade Ron and Hermione had brought out of the Great Hall. "Wood's been teaching us new moves."**

**He mounted his broomstick and kicked at the ground, soaring up into the air. The cool morning air whipped his face, waking him far more effectively than Wood's long talk. It felt wonderful to be back on the Quidditch field. He soared right around the stadium at full speed, racing Fred and George.**

**"What's that funny clicking noise?" called Fred as they hurtled around the corner.**

**Harry looked into the stands. Colin was sitting in one of the highest seats, his camera raised, taking picture after picture, the sound strangely magnified in the deserted stadium.**

**"Look this way, Harry! This way!" he cried shrilly.**

**"Who's that?" said Fred.**

**"No idea," Harry lied, putting on a spurt of speed that took him as far away as possible from Colin.**

The Great Hall burst into laughter as Colin's face grew bright red.

**"What's going on?" said Wood, frowning, as he skimmed through the air toward them. "Why's that first year taking pictures? I don't like it. He could be a Slytherin spy, trying to find out about our new training program."**

**"He's in Gryffindor," said Harry quickly.**

"Thought you said you didn't know him," Fred teased.

**"And the Slytherins don't need a spy, Oliver," said George.**

"Why?"

**"What makes you say that?" said Wood testily.**

"That's what I want to know!"

**"Because they're here in person," said George, pointing.**

"Oh..."

**Several people in green robes were walking onto the field, broomsticks in their hands.**

**"I don't believe it!" Wood hissed in outrage. "I booked the field for today! We'll see about this!"**

**Wood shot toward the ground, landing rather harder than he meant to in his anger, staggering slightly as he dismounted. Harry, Fred, and George followed.**

**"Flint!" Wood bellowed at the Slytherin Captain. "This is our practice time! We got up specially! You can clear off now!"**

**Marcus Flint was even larger than Wood. He had a look of trollish cunning on his face as he replied, "Plenty of room for all of us, Wood."**

**Angelina, Alicia, and Katie had come over, too. There were no girls on the Slytherin team, who stood shoulder to shoulder, facing the Gryffindors, leering to a man.**

**"But I booked the field!" said Wood, positively spitting with rage. "I booked it!"**

**"Ah," said Flint. "But I've got a specially signed note here from Professor Snape. I, Professor S. Snape, give the Slytherin team permission to practice today on the Quidditch field owing to the need to train their new Seeker'. "**

"I did not write that note!" Professor Snape sneered at his House.

Slytherins who had been on the team during the time shifted uncomfortably around in their seats.

**"You've got a new Seeker?" said Wood, distracted. "Where?"**

**And from behind the six large figures before them came a seventh, smaller boy, smirking all over his pale, pointed face. It was Draco Malfoy.**

**"Aren't you Lucius Malfoy's son?" said Fred, looking at Malfoy with dislike.**

**"Funny you should mention Draco's father," said Flint as the whole Slytherin team smiled still more broadly. "Let me show you the generous gift he's made to the Slytherin team."**

"More like to buy the git onto the team," Ron snarled, glaring pure loathing at the blonde Slytherin.

**All seven of them held out thei****r broomsticks. Seven highly polished, brand-new handles and seven sets of fine gold lettering spelling the words Nimbus Two Thousand and One gleamed under the Gryffindors'noses in the early morning sun.**

**"Very latest model. Only came out last month," said Flint carelessly, flicking a speck of dust from the end of his own. "I believe it outstrips the old Two Thousand series by a considerable amount. As for the old Cleansweeps" - he smiled nastily at Fred and George, who were both clutching Cleansweep Fives - sweeps the board with them."**

**None of the Gryffindor team could think of anything to say for a moment. Malfoy was smirking so broadly his cold eyes were reduced to slits.**

**"Oh, look," said Flint. "A field invasion."**

**Ron and Hermione were crossing the grass to see what was going on.**

Both Harry and Draco groaned loudly at this.

**"What's happening?" Ron asked Harry. "Why aren't you playing? And what's he doing here?"**

**He was looking at Malfoy, taking in his Slytherin Quidditch robes.**

"You'd think it'd be obvious if he was wearing the Quidditch robes," George muttered.

**"I'm the new Slytherin Seeker, Weasley," said Malfoy, smugly. "Everyone's just been admiring the brooms my father's bought our team.**

**Ron gaped, open-mouthed, at the seven superb broomsticks in front of him.**

**"Good, aren't they?" said Malfoy smoothly. "But perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives; I expect a museum would bid for them."**

**The Slytherin team howled with laughter.**

**"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in," said Hermione sharply. "They got in on pure talent."**

"At least she's saying something true," Lily murmured.

**The smug look on Malfoy's face flickered.**

**"No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood," he spat.**

There was silence throughout the entire Hall as heads slowly swung to look at the ashamed-looking Slytherin who trying to hunch into himself for protection.

Draco flickered his eyes up to look at Granger minutely and softly said, "Sorry."

**Harry knew at once that Malfoy had said something really bad because there was an instant uproar at his words. Flint had to dive in front of Malfoy to stop Fred and George jumping on him, Alicia shrieked, "How dare you!" and Ron plunged his hand into his robes, pulled out his wand, yelling, "You'll pay for that one, Malfoy!" and pointed it furiously under Flint's arm at Malfoys face.**

"Oh no," Minerva said dully, putting her head in her hands.

**A loud bang echoed around the stadium and a jet of green light shot out of the wrong end of Ron's wand, hitting him in the stomach and sending him reeling backward onto the grass.**

"That was a supremely dumb move," Severus said to Lily, who was looking on in amusement at the red-faced red-head.

**"Ron! Ron! Are you all right?" squealed Hermione.**

**Ron opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead he gave an almighty belch and several slugs dribbled out of his mouth onto his lap.**

"EEEEEEWWWWWWW!" rang throughout the Hall from multiple people. Others looked green tinged, while others were laughing at Weasley's expense.

**The Slytherin team were paralyzed with laughter. Flint was doubled up, hanging onto his new broomstick for support. Malfoy was on all fours, banging the ground with his fist. The Gryffindors were gathered around Ron, who kept belching large, glistening slugs. Nobody seemed to want to touch him.**

"I wouldn't either," Parvati shuddered.

**"We'd better get him to Hagrid's, it's nearest," said Harry to Hermione, who nodded bravely, and the pair of them pulled Ron up by the arms.**

**"What happened, Harry? What happened? Is he ill? But you can cure him, can't you?" Colin had run down from his seat and was now dancing alongside them as they left the field. Ron gave a huge heave and more slugs dribbled down his front.**

"Why would you be dancing?" a Hufflepuff asked Colin.

**"Oooh," said Colin, fascinated and raising his camera. "Can you hold him still, Harry?"**

**"Get out of the way, Colin!" said Harry angrily. **

"Creepy Creevey strikes again and Harry rejects once more!" the Twins bellowed to the laughing Hall.

**He and Hermione supported Ron out of the stadium and across the grounds toward the edge of the forest.**

**"Nearly there, Ron," said Hermione as the gamekeeper's cabin came into view. "You'll be all right in a minute - almost there-"**

**They were within twenty feet of Hagrid's house when the front door opened, but it wasn't Hagrid who emerged. Gilderoy Lockhart, wearing robes of palest mauve today, came striding out.**

**"Quick, behind here," Harry hissed, dragging Ron behind a nearby bush. Hermione followed, somewhat reluctantly.**

"Merlin are you dumb," Lily said deadpan to Granger's blushing.

**"It's a simple matter if you know what you're doing!" Lockhart was saying loudly to Hagrid. "If you need help, you know where I am! I'll let you have a copy of my book. I'm surprised you haven't already got one - I'll sign one tonight and send it over. Well, good-bye!" And he strode away toward the castle.**

**Harry waited until Lockhart was out of sight, then pulled Ron out of the bush and up to Hagrid's front door. They knocked urgently.**

**Hagrid appeared at once, looking very grumpy, but his expression brightened when he saw who it was.**

**"Bin wonderin'when you'd come ter see me - come in, come in - thought you mighta bin Professor Lockhart back again-"**

"Righ' nasty bloke, he 's, Lockhart," Hagrid told Pomona.

**Harry and Hermione supported Ron over the threshold into the one-roomed cabin, which had an enormous bed in one corner, a fire crackling merrily in the other. Hagrid didn't seem perturbed by Ron's slug problem, which Harry hastily explained as he lowered Ron into a chair.**

**"Better out than in," he said cheerfully, plunking a large copper basin in front of him. "Get em all up, Ron."**

**"I don't think there's anything to do except wait for it to stop," said Hermione anxiously, watching Ron bend over the basin. "That's a difficult curse to work at the best of times, but with a broken wand-"**

Ron was given 'well duh' looks at his lack of common sense.

**Hagrid was bustling around making them tea. His boarhound, Fang, was slobbering over Harry.**

"I love that dog," Harry smiled.

**"What did Lockhart want with you, Hagrid?" Harry asked, scratching Fang's ears.**

**"Givin'me advice on gettin' kelpies out of a well," growled Hagrid, moving a half-plucked rooster off his scrubbed table and setting down the teapot. "Like I don' know. An' bangin' on about some banshee he banished. If one word of it was true, I'll eat my kettle."**

"Goo' thin' I was wron'," Hagrid chuckled.

**It was most unlike Hagrid to criticize a Hogwarts'teacher, and Harry looked at him in surprise. Hermione, however, said in a voice somewhat higher than usual, "I think you're being a bit unfair. Professor Dumbledore obviously thought he was the best man for the job-"**

**"He was the on'y man for the job," said Hagrid, offering them a plate of treacle fudge, while Ron coughed squelchily into his basin. "An'I mean the on'y one. Gettin'very difficult ter find anyone fer the Dark Arts job. People aren't too keen ter take it on, see. They're startin'ter think it's jinxed. No one's lasted long fer a while now. So tell me," said Hagrid, jerking his head at Ron. "Who was he tryin'ter curse?"**

**"Malfoy called Hermione something - it must've been really bad, because everyone went wild."**

**"It was bad," said Ron hoarsely, emerging over the tabletop looking pale and sweaty. "Malfoy called her Mudblood,'Hagrid-"**

Glares were awarded to the shamed blonde.

**Ron dived out of sight again as a fresh wave of slugs made their appearance. Hagrid looked outraged.**

**"He didn'!" he growled at Hermione.**

**"He did," she said. "But I don't know what it means. I could tell it was really rude, of course-"**

**"It's about the most insulting thing he could think of," gasped Ron, coming back up. "Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who is Muggle-born - you know, non-magic parents. There are some wizards - like Malfoy's family - who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call pure-blood." He gave a small burp, and a single slug fell into his outstretched hand. He threw it into the basin and continued, "I mean, the rest of us know it doesn't make any difference at all. Look at Neville Longbottom - he's pure-blood and he can hardly stand a cauldron the right way up."**

Lily glared at Ron while Neville blushed and ducked his face down.

**"An' they haven't invented a spell our Hermione can' do," said Hagrid proudly, making Hermione go a brilliant shade of magenta.**

Snickers were heard from multiple people.

**"It's a disgusting thing to call someone," said Ron, wiping his sweaty brow with a shaking hand. "Dirty blood, see. Common blood. It's ridiculous. Most wizards these days are half-blood anyway. If we hadn't married Muggles we'd've died out."**

"Has someone Imperio'd Ron or something? That's the most knowledgeable thing I've ever heard him say," the Twins asked in bewilderment.

**He retched and ducked out of sight again.**

**"Well, I don' blame yeh fer tryin' ter curse him, Ron," said Hagrid loudly over the thuds of more slugs hitting the basin. "Bu' maybe it was a good thing yer wand backfired. Spect Lucius Malfoy would've come marchin' up ter school if yeh'd cursed his son. Least yer not in trouble."**

**Harry would have pointed out that trouble didn't come much worse than having slugs pouring out of your mouth, but he couldn't; Hagrid's treacle fudge had cemented his jaws together.**

"It's better if you let it soften by a fire for a few minutes, then it doesn't stick your teeth together," Harry chuckled.

**"Harry," said Hagrid abruptly as though struck by a sudden thought. "Gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I've heard you've bin givin'out signed photos. How come I haven't got one?"**

**Furious, Harry wrenched his teeth apart.**

**"I have not been giving out signed photos," he said hotly. "If Lockhart's still spreading that around-"**

**But then he saw that Hagrid was laughing.**

Everyone laughed, even Harry, at Hagrid's successful joke.

**"I'm on'y jokin'," he said, patting Harry genially on the back and sending him face first into the table. "I knew yeh hadn't really. I told Lockhart yeh didn' need teh. Yer more famous than him without tryin'."**

**"Bet he didn't like that," said Harry, sitting up and rubbing his chin.**

**"Don' think he did," said Hagrid, his eyes twinkling. "An' then I told him I'd never read one o' his books an' he decided ter go. Treacle fudge, Ron?" he added as Ron reappeared.**

**"No thanks," said Ron weakly. "Better not risk it."**

**"Come an' see what I've bin growin'," said Hagrid as Harry and Hermione finished the last of their tea.**

**In the small vegetable patch behind Hagrid's house were a dozen of the largest pumpkins Harry had ever seen. Each was the size of a large boulder.**

**"Gettin' on well, aren't they?" said Hagrid happily. "Fer the Halloween feast... should be big enough by then."**

**"What've you been feeding them?" said Harry.**

**Hagrid looked over his shoulder to check that they were alone.**

**"Well, I've bin givin'them - you know - a bit o'help-"**

**Harry noticed Hagrid's flowery pink umbrella leaning against the back wall of the cabin. Harry had had reason to believe before now that this umbrella was not all it looked; in fact, he had the strong impression that Hagrid's old school wand was concealed inside it. Hagrid wasn't supposed to use magic. He had been expelled from Hogwarts in his third year, but Harry had never found out why - any mention of the matter and Hagrid would clear his throat loudly and become mysteriously deaf until the subject was changed.**

"HA! THE HALF-BREED'S DONE MAGIC! I'll have you arrested!" Umbridge yelled.

"You'd have Hagrid arrested for something he was cleared of?" Harry asked coolly.

Umbridge muttered angrily to herself as she settled back down in her seat.

Everyone stared amazed that Harry had easily disabled the Umbridge Bomb of Prejudice.

**"An Engorgement Charm, I suppose?" said Hermione, halfway between disapproval and amusement. "Well, you've done a good job on them."**

**"That's what yer little sister said," said Hagrid, nodding at Ron. "Met her jus' yesterday." Hagrid looked sideways at Harry, his beard twitching. "Said she was jus' lookin' round the grounds, but I reckon she was hopin' she might run inter someone else at my house." He winked at Harry. "If yeh ask me, she wouldn' say no ter a signed-"**

"Oh my God, Hagrid!" Lily laughed aloud at the lobster-red Ginny. "You are on the biggest kick ever!"

**"Oh, shut up," said Harry. Ron snorted with laughter and the ground was sprayed with slugs.**

**"Watch it!" Hagrid roared, pulling Ron away from his precious pumpkins.**

"Love how he cares more about his pumpkins then an actual living being," Pansy said snidely.

"Wouldn't you if it was Weasley?" said Nott in reply.

**It was nearly lunchtime and as Harry had only had one bit of treacle fudge since dawn, he was keen to go back to school to eat. They said good-bye to Hagrid and walked back up to the castle, Ron hiccoughing occasionally, but only bringing up two very small slugs.**

**They had barely set foot in the cool entrance hall when a voice rang out, "There you are, Potter - Weasley." Professor McGonagall was walking toward them, looking stern. "You will both do your detentions this evening."**

**"What're we doing, Professor?" said Ron, nervously suppressing a burp.**

**"You will be polishing the silver in the trophy room with Mr. Filch," said Professor McGonagall. "And no magic, Weasley - elbow grease."**

**Ron gulped. Argus Filch, the caretaker, was loathed by every student in the school.**

**"And you, Potter, will be helping Professor Lockhart answer his fan mail," said Professor McGonagall.**

Noises of alarm and exasperation rang through the Hall at Harry's luck, or lack of.

**"Oh n- Professor, can't I go and do the trophy room, too?" said Harry desperately.**

**"Certainly not," said Professor McGonagall, raising her eyebrows. "Professor Lockhart requested you particularly. Eight o'clock sharp, both of you."**

**Harry and Ron slouched into the Great Hall in states of deepest gloom, Hermione behind them, wearing a well-you-did-break-school-rules sort of expression. **

"You're such a snob," Lily muttered.

**Harry didn't enjoy his shepherd's pie as much as he'd thought. Both he and Ron felt they'd got the worse deal.**

**"Filch'll have me there all night," said Ron heavily. "No magic! There must be about a hundred cups in that room. I'm no good at Muggle cleaning."**

**"I'd swap anytime," said Harry hollowly. "I've had loads of practice with the Dursleys. Answering Lockhart's fan mail... he'll be a nightmare..."**

Harry shuddered in remembrance of detention with Lockhart, and others shuddered with him at the thought of being locked up in a room with that fool for more than a class period.

**Saturday afternoon seemed to melt away, and in what seemed like no time, it was five minutes to eight, and Harry was dragging his feet along the second-floor corridor to Lockhart's office. He gritted his teeth and knocked.**

**The door flew open at once. Lockhart beamed down at him.**

**"Ah, here's the scalawag!" he said. **

"What's a scalawag?" a first year Hufflepuff asked.

Hermione opened her mouth to answer but was cut off when the Hufflepuff snapped, "I didn't ask you!"

**"Come in, Harry, come in-"**

**Shining brightly on the walls by the light of many candles were countless framed photographs of Lockhart. He had even signed a few of them. Another large pile lay on his desk.**

**"You can address the envelopes!" Lockhart told Harry, as though this was a huge treat.**

**"This first one's to Gladys Gudgeon, bless her - huge fan of mine-"**

**The minutes snailed by. Harry let Lockhart's voice wash over him, occasionally saying, "Mmm" and "Right" and "Yeah." Now and then he caught a phrase like, "Fame's a fickle friend, Harry," or "Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that."**

Many people snorted at that.

**The candles burned lower and lower, making the light dance over the many moving faces of Lockhart watching him. Harry moved his aching hand over what felt like the thousandth envelope, writing out Veronica Smethley's address. It must be nearly time to leave , Harry thought miserably, please let it be nearly time...**

Harry received sympathy looks again.

**And then he heard something - something quite apart from the spitting of the dying candles and Lockhart's prattle about his fans.**

**It was a voice, a voice to chill the bone marrow, a voice of breathtaking, ice-cold venom.**

"WHAT?!" squawked Lily in horror.

**"Come... come to me... Let me rip you... Let me tear you... Let me kill you..."**

"Bloody hell mate, what was that?" the Twins asked.

"You'll find out later."

**Harry gave a huge jump and a large lilac blot appeared on Veronica Smethley's street.**

**"What?" he said loudly.**

**"I know!" said Lockhart. "Six solid months at the top of the best-seller list! Broke all records!"**

"Like I really care you ignorant ape inside of a human body," Severus replied.

**"No," said Harry frantically. "That voice!"**

**"Sorry?" said Lockhart, looking puzzled. "What voice?"**

**"That - that voice that said - didn't you hear it?"**

**Lockhart was looking at Harry in high astonishment.**

**"What are you talking about, Harry? Perhaps you're getting a little drowsy? Great Scott - look at the time! We've been here nearly four hours! I'd never have believed it - the time's flown, hasn't it?"**

**Harry didn't answer. He was straining his ears to hear the voice again, but there was no sound now except for Lockhart telling him he mustn't expect a treat like this every time he got detention. Feeling dazed, Harry left.**

**It was so late that the Gryffindor common room was almost empty. Harry went straight up to the dormitory. Ron wasn't back yet. Harry pulled on his pajamas, got into bed, and waited. Half an hour later, Ron arrived, nursing his right arm and bringing a strong smell of polish into the darkened room.**

**"My muscles have all seized up," he groaned, sinking on his bed. "Fourteen times he made me buff up that Quidditch cup before he was satisfied. And then I had another slug attack all over a Special Award for Services to the School. Took ages to get the slime off... How was it with Lockhart?"**

"Horrible."

"Grotesque."

"Ghastly."

"I thought he was going to molest me," Harry said plainly.

**Keeping his voice low so as not to wake Neville, Dean, and Seamus, Harry told Ron exactly what he had heard.**

**"And Lockhart said he couldn't hear it?" said Ron. Harry could see him frowning in the moonlight. "D'you think he was lying? But I don't get it - even someone invisible would've had to open the door."**

**"I know," said Harry, lying back in his four-poster and staring at the canopy above him. "I don't get it either."**

"End of the chapter," Cho stated.

* * *

**Again, SOOOOO SORRY for not updating earlier!**

**Hope you guys still love me :(**

**Review and shit.**

**Love,**

**XXtheOneAndOnlyXX14**

**Ta!**


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